Flesh Memory

[Digz]

I was also held around my throat by my father as he threatened me and then raped me, almost drowning me in a bath. People putting their hands near my neck or touching them, I hate. When I feel threatened I raise my shoulders and kind of hide my neck. I also (sorry to be graphic) feel physical pain if I try to have sex with my husband - when I'm not even being touched. I haven't really worked out an exact answer to this yet, except to try and remind myself I'm in the present and ground myself and try not to let that physical sensation take my mind to the past. One thing that's been suggested to me with grounding is to use all your senses where possible and it will ground you better - a scented candle (smell not related to the trauma), touch something near, a mint or lolly - any things that will not relate to the trauma and help bring you back.

One thing I have to say is that it is disgusting how many of us have been strangled. :(

 

[WildMermaid]

@Digz it is rather tragic :( on the other hand we are still here, and can let others know what we went through. Bathrooms are major sources of stress for me, and to this day I can have a panic attack in the shower. Your coping techniques sound like good ones, Also maybe try for intimacy away from the scene of the crime, or change it so much it does not echo of that anymore. Music helps me a great deal and helps keep me present.

 

[Aimpricot]

You are all incredible, and I can't describe how glad I am that I found you all! I'll try all of these things! Thank you so much,

I think it's really important to remember that...'we are all still here' maybe not as someone that we recognise, but we made it, and we can all help each other because of that, no one should ever have to experience what so many of us on here have, but we are not the monsters in this situation! That is something I've just got to grips with, and it's probably the most important thing I have ever realised!

Thank you all for treating me like a human xx

 

[shimmerz]

@Saetva , fascinating stuff. Especially the voice information. Thank you so much!