Forgetful therapist

[Deleted member 38906]

Hi guys,

I have a T that sometimes mixes up factual information with stories I tell him and this seems to bother me a lot.

For example today he said that a mother should never call their toddler evil bc a little 2 year old girl can't be evil even if she wanted to. The thing is my mom never did that... She called me evil when I was 13 not 2.i know it isn't a whole lot better but still.

This is driving me insane bc I've corrected him on this before and he's forgotten again. It's super annoying bc it makes me feel guilty for having misrepresented my mother.

Anyway I don't know how to bring things like this up with him bc I feel like I've been complaining alot to him about things lately and I'm afraid of pissing him off even though he's a very calm person.

I don't know if I should look for a new T or not but my business with him sort of feels unfinished.

He also keeps saying he's seeing a shift in me but I don't believe him.

Anyone deal with anything similar or have any tips to share?

 

[Emotional girl]

I believe that the key to a good therapeutic relationship is being open and honest with each other and being felt that both of you are listening to each other.
You should be able to bring up any problems that you have with your therapist without any fear.
What I normally do is write down what is bothering me and then I read it out in my session and then we discuss it and then we have resolved our issues.
I do think that therapists notice improvement in us even when we don't notice it ourselves.
Personally I would stay with your present therapist and I try and iron out the problems/issues you have with him and if you can't do that then move on.

 

[Suzetig]

It's super annoying bc it makes me feel guilty for having misrepresented my mother

I don’t understand this part, you haven’t misrepresented your mother, he’s got his facts mixed up - it’s his mistake, not yours. Try to ditch the guilt around something that isn’t yours, it might give you clarity around what you’re actually annoyed about.

I know for be, I’d be angry that having corrected him, he keeps referring to something that didn’t happen to me - I’d be annoyed that he was misrepresenting me. But I know then I’d get into a place of not being allowed to be annoyed for me, not being allowed to protect myself, so needing to be annoyed about something else - oh, I know, here comes guilt for talking about my mum at all, I can pick that up because that’s annoyance about not protecting her.

You’ve every right to be annoyed here, tell him he keeps getting it wrong - it’s his job to hear how his work impacts on you. I wonder if there’s more going on with him/you though because you mentioned him seeing change in you that you don’t see. Maybe ask him to explain more about what he sees as different.

 

[Rumors]

I think letting him know and exploring why it drives you insane when he doesn't get every fact right would/could be great work together. i wonder if sometime in your life you had an experience or several, where people corrected you if everything wasn't exactly factual? I think you can look at other's experience and see not everyone is sensitive to that issue. I wonder what makes it so hard for you? I certainly can see saying to him, "I know you see a lot of people and the fact you can even remember my mom called me evil tells me you obviously pay attention, but it happened when I was 13 not 2." There is something about this that is triggering for you.. I think I would let him know so maybe you can explore it more. Dig a little deeper and see what is there. At the end of the day maybe you just come back around and determine that it simply just annoys you. Good luck!

 

[UnicornSightings]

That would bother me a bit as well. It’s really great to practice being direct with what’s bothering you. I get that you feel you’ve been complaining a lot but maybe you can tweak that thought a bit. Instead of saying “complaining” consider maybe saying that you’re speaking your mind, saying what’s true for you. And that’s so damn important. So many of didn’t have a voice so now it’s just so weird to even consider that we can ask for what we need and express what we aren’t ok with. It’s so damn freeing and empowering when you can tell your t what they did that upset you and they don’t get upset. So I had a moment with mine where I felt he was sort of forcing me into acceptance of a situation when I just wanted to tap up my feelings. It was like my experience shouldn’t be shared and I wasn’t allowed to follow my blame and anger. I haven’t been able to share that stuff so being able to place some blame (while not ultimately helpful long term) is absolutely essential to just get at those thoughts and feelings under that stuff. That blame and anger is covering the pain. Shutting that down right away with logic (that I already know) doesn’t help me. It closes the door on something I think may lead to some healing. So I told him all that and it led to a great discussion about tapping into anger and we talked about how I don’t feel he’s ok to receive my anger (hold it) and he assured me he could and my fear of taking anything out on him and he expressed how much he wants to be there for whatever I need. It drew us closer. Which is kind of ew cause I’m not cool with emotional intimacy but I’m glad I told him. That stuff leads to rich conversations. I hope before you can his ass you can tell him that you’re hurt by what he isn’t remembering correctly. If it’s important to you then it will be important to him.

 

[Still Standing]

Simply put, if my therapist did that, in a variously repeated fashion, I would seek out a different therapist because I would not be fully able to focus on my therapy under those circumstances. I would be burdened with aggravation over the misrepresentations and feelings of having now to pretend he is right or try to get over the insecurity and embarrassment of needing to correct him. The extra angst would make me struggle with old authority powers and becoming compliant even though I am being misrepresented and I would be forced to work in the counseling sessions as a fraud if I continued to ignore his skewed memory and references. This would be too distracting and stressful for me. I vote that you consider finding another Therapist. Why add more frustration to your plate?

 

[Deleted member 38906]

I believe that the key to a good therapeutic relationship is being open and honest with each oth...

I have a lot of fear around reading in front of him.. I don't think I can deal with the attention.. It's makes me terrified just thinking about it. It's almost like I don't feel like my thoughts and feelings deserve special attention so if there's anything bothering me I've tried to bring it up casually in the past. I know this is counterproductive.. It's something I need to work on.

 

[Deleted member 38906]

I don’t understand this part, you haven’t misrepresented your mother, he’s got his facts mixed up...

The change he notices is that I'm more relaxed around him. I used to get so anxious when I would walk into his office that we would spend the whole session grounding and making small talk.im not like that anymore but I feel like that normal as you get used to someone.. It doesn't necessarily mean I've shifted as a person.

 

[Deleted member 38906]

I don’t understand this part, you haven’t misrepresented your mother, he’s got his facts mixed up...

And when he gets the facts wrong it makes me me want to close up... I feel like I can never fully land with him and open up entirely... I always feel like I have to be on guard.

 

[Deleted member 38906]

I think letting him know and exploring why it drives you insane when he doesn't get every fact right wou...

Yeah I corrected him on the spot when he got it mixed up.. And he was like a 13 yo wouldnt be evil either... She would be rebellious but not evil and we continued on... But what is lingering on now is the fact that he mixed it up..

I think I have an idea of what's going on..I was an emotionally unbonded child.. As a result, I know I get extremely hypersensitive in intimate relationships to the smallest signs of neglect. If I feel like the person I'm dealing with isn't paying attention to me or doesn't seem to care, it's a catastrophy and the end of our relationship. I get into a very black and white thinking headspace.

 

[Deleted member 38906]

That would bother me a bit as well. It’s really great to practice being direct with what’s...

What you describe about your T closing the door on your feelings is EXTREMELY painful. I've been through that with a different T and I feel the pain. I'm glad u were able to work it out though and that it brought you closer.

I've been practicing being direct with my T and usually the outcome is that we resolve things, but sometimes he defends himself and that pisses me off in a whole nother way.. Like there was one time where I told him something about him wanting to get rid of me and he said that I wasn't seeing him clearly and misunderstanding him...

There was another time I was convinced he hated my guts and he was reassuring and told me he doesn't see people he doesn't like.

I don't know how he's going to react to his forgetfulness but if he gets defensive or tries to explain himself, it'll just hurt me even more.

f*ck, I wish I wasn't this sensitive. I couldnt care less about how people act or what they say in my day to day life but with him I'm like a little sensitive angry entitled child.

Even the fact that he keeps saying I'm shifting bothers the heck out of me. I've already told him i don't think I'm changing but he keeps bringing it up gerrrrl.

 

[Rumors]

Yeah I corrected him on the spot when he got it mixed up.. And he was like a 13 yo wouldnt be evil either.....

I think that is worth exploring more. Here is what I have figured out in all of this ptsd mess, for every reaction I have there is a formidable action that happened leaving me with an inability to properly process the event and have negative thought processes. I think firing this dude bc he remembered it as 2 instead of 13 is kind of like not seeing the Forrest for the trees. The fact that he is present enough to remember the evil comment and reflect back on it at a time when needed could equally be construed as someone who cares enough to remember any part of your story. Just remember, he is walking this journey with you and CHOOSES to be there. I think you have to bring it all up and as well work on reframing your inner dialogue... good luck! I am certainly with you on the black and whit thinking. I have to talk myself off the ledge sometimes daily. Hang in there!