Forgiveness - Where Do You Think It Belongs In The Recovery Process?

[becvan]

I have a personal rule I follow regarding forgiveness. I only forgive if the person acknowledges what was done and actively works on not doing it again. If they do not fall into this category, then forgiveness is not even a consideration.

Forgiveness is not something I consider part of my healing process. I don't allow others power over me to begin with. Forgiveness is something I do for another person, to allow the relationship to heal and move forward. I can heal and move forward whether or not a person acknowleges abuse. What another does is not going to stop me.

Anyways, that is where it falls for me. I think it is redundent personally, but I am an odd duck. :rolleyes:

bec

 

[Hen]

It sounds a good book, I will look out for it.

I have no intention of ever forgiving. I very much doubt they will ever ask to be forgiven as they say god has forgiven their past. Born again christians - how helpful. I don't feel the need for revenge and a criminal conviction would be not possible now and I don't see how you can forgive someone who doesn't think they need it as the man above has done it for me???

I don't see how forgiving them would help with a ruined life. I have no contact and don't intend to have any. I am just going to get on with getting myself well and taped up back together.

 

[Spacechic]

Forgiveness is mush about forgiving ones self than others. It isnt about absolving responsibility as muh as accepting yourself for who you are. I used to think I needed to forgive my folks, but I was wrong. No matter how I shaped it I couldnt come to terms with what they did. I tried excuse after excuse and came to the conclusion that there are no excuses.

And so I work towards my goal of forgiving myself.

 

[onebravegirl]

Thought of a Great song. 'I'm not ready to make nice" By the Dixie Chicks.:occasion:
O

 

[Manic11]

Forgiveness is not something I consider part of my healing process. I don't allow others power over me to begin with. Forgiveness is something I do for another person, to allow the relationship to heal and move forward. I can heal and move forward whether or not a person acknowleges abuse. What another does is not going to stop me.

Bec,
I really admire that. That's amazing of you! Not many people can say that and mean that.


This is comforting getting everyone's opinion. I felt like I had no hope because I was no where near forgiving them. This is because I don't feel that they even did anything wrong! I feel that I deserved it. But reading this book and getting everyone's opinions has helped me feel better knowing that just because I don't forgive them doesn't mean I can't overcome this and become a great person.
I also didn't get the whole "if they haven't apologized then how am I supposed to forgive?" thing.

Manic

 

[onebravegirl]

There can also be something to be said in the Way a person may apologize.
A person who says "I am sorry you feel that way"-has not said sorry for their actions.
A person who says "I apologize" in my mind also isn't really saying the word "SORRY"- they are just announcing an action.
AND if a person is saying "sorry" and it doesn't feel to you like it is enough you do not have to say you forgive them.
In fact there is no rule that if they say sorry you ever have to forgive them.
Sorry is a 5 letter word. That's it. If a person is really sorry they better walk the miles, climb the mountains and swim the rivers and do every damn thing they can to prove it. Up until your satisfaction. Not literally maybe but they better be willing to show that they mean what they say.
Some people will throw the word sorry out there like a get out of jail free card. The point is this We decide when sorry is sorry, not the teller.
O

 

[Manic11]

If you think about it, too many people are just sorry because they got caught or there is consequences...

Manic