Carl... Semper Fi buddy... former FMF Devil Doc here... did a little more than 3 years out greenside... two separate deployments, 22nd MAU and 26th MEU
You and I saw some pretty shitty things... then came back stateside to a hospital (at least for me) and had those memories reinforced over and over... I know I said it somewhere... but there came a day right before I got discharged that I realized I was hiding behind a wall so thick I couldn't even show a patient I cared... if I did I knew the lid would been taken off that pot of boiling water.. I called my mom crying like a baby that evening.. believe it or not she understood...
I said this to someone else but get one of the vet organizations like DAV, VFW or American Legion help you with filing for disability.. their lawyers will fight for you, and if ANYTHING happened to you while in you are eligible for a rating... even if that rating is 0%, if it ever flares up it makes the claim process to up the rating a lot easier.. Another reason to talk to them as well... if you are near a VAMC there are reps from all 3 orgs there 8 to 5 all week. If you are only near a clinic there will be one of each there at least 2 times a week, the clinic can give you the schedule..
Thing is it is ok to feel like you do here... we all got it... and like I said a lotta docs here who definitely have been where you have... might not have felt the same or seen the same.. but we all had the same job and same unspoken order to "shove it down inside and go on to the next casualty"
Oh ya there should be a vet center near you you can get help from even if you havent completed the VA thing..
the only requirement is you served in a combat zone..
http://www.vetcenter.va.gov/
You can look up the closest to you there on the upper right of the page where you see the map...
And if things get real bad, call
1-800-273-8255 and
Press 1.... that will put you in touch with a veterans rep counseller who will try to help... saved my ass more than once... once I was in the Mental Health system, one night I called and he told me to show up at the VA the next morning (after talking to me for abt an hour)... I did and they already had my chart out and a social worker there to talk to me when I stepped through the door.
We all have your back, and you might feel the need to back off from the site now and then that is ok too... we all do now and again...
If you feel like talking to a fellow Doc msg me...
