Former Navy Corpsman/combat Medic Looking For Peace

[tho9900]

ok one of the things that bugs me most believe it or not wasnt combat... Kerry Walsh.... she was 11 yrs old... and omg the Cystic Fibrosis kids always had a specialty.. hers was horses... she knew them all by the latin name.. Could tell you where they originated from etc...

Anyway... thing about CF is hardly any of them make it past 17ish.... I spent so much time with her I was family... lol even got Xmas cards from mom and dad etc...

I got in a wreck in 92ish..hadnt seen her in 3 yrs as I was stationed elsewhere.... ends up I screwed my wrist up so much they had to send me to Besthesda National Naval Medical Center.. anyway.. thats where I met Kerry when I was stationed there previously..... I went down to the department I used to work in and it was almost like the guy did it on purpose but I know he didn't.. he looked at me and said :you know Kerry Walsh died 3 months ago of organ failure:

omg...... an innocent.. someone non connected... that is at the top of the list of the names of the walking dead... and ya I have a list like that...

I always see her... remember the fun we had etc...

odd thing is I can't think of anyones name who I brought back from death.. only the ones who cheated me...

I stood 1 on 1 watch over Adm Poindexter... he founded the US National Security Agency... basically the CIA with a license to do what they want.... he was such an ass... even up to the moment he died... his wife was old school and always worried we were offended and made us cookies and what not...

I spent at least 14 hours prolly more medevacing a patient with a rare lung disorder from the volcanic dust, only to learn after the fact he still died... like I said... waking the dead... thats the one where we were skipping across the waves like a rock almost in that chopper lol

and no its all good... I just need to get this all out of my head and over with.. I think the biggest thing is there was no closure... boom I found out later...

Thanks Jimmy.. I know I need to tell the stories... one at a time tho and I might need a pause in between...

 

[nomedic1]

Didnt know if i should write this or not but i will anyway, I carry a list too and i dont know if its a medic thing or not lol.My list is long and varied like yours they visit at night to remind me of my failures and no how many i have saved over the years i also only remember those i could not steal from death, Jimmy told me to accept my failures and all the bad things i had done and not feel guilty,recognise them as that but in a way use them to improve and make a better person of myself, its difficult but witb people like Jimmy around there is always support

 

[tho9900]

thanks nomedic... I used to think it was only me with the list thing...... seriously... ya... no matter how many times I remember our creed... our pledge of "I will bring no harm to my patient" I can't stop it... I remember when I graduated corps school... the chief, a former Vietnam war Corpsman got to the podium and had us swear in with the corpsman oath.. he explained the most important was that...

"I will bring no harm to my patient" he said it didn't say I would save every patient, or cure every patient.. just I would take care nothing bad happened to them because of my care...

I guess I kinda forgot that through the yrs or something...

And it's good to see another medic here... I keep the image of that Army medic in the movie "Hamburger Hill" in my head... as he is beating the dead guy on the chest, crying and repeating "why didn't you wear a set of tags on your boots... I didn't even know your f'ing name... how the hell am I sposed to know who you are??? how the hell am I sposed to know who you are???????"

it's a dual world we lived in, life and death in one slice of time...

 

[nomedic1]

9900 we go 12 rounds with death, so I guess we get a little punch drunk every once and a while, it's the fact we get up again we should be proud of, the fact that even though we have seen life at its worst we still give death the uppercut and steal another one from him.

 

[tho9900]

thanks Doc... and ya last night was a lil hard for me for some reason... and that's one thing I can always feel good about... death might have stolen some people right out of my hands but he hasn't taken me yet... I'm proud of who I am/was most of the time but sometimes the shadows sneak in and cover up the light.... Death hasn't been smart enough to snag me yet... even tho I have given him a lot of chances..

 

[Docrobert82]

Welcome Tho, I know how you feel, I'm for the moment an IDC and I know how hard it is to open up and get help. I'm trying to get help but its a little late for me. We have a job that deals with death no matter what we do. I have my list and my forgotten names. I try and think of the ones I couldn't save and how they would want me to live my life. It helps at times but not always. If you ever want to talk to another corpsman I'm here for you brother.

 

[JarHed]

I try and think of the ones I couldn't save and how they would want me to live my life.

Hey Doc

First, Welcome to the forums.

I love your statement. I was a grunt squad leader in Nam during TET. I saw many good men go down. Even tried to help save a few. I've always thought about the statement you said and tried to have a life that they never could. It hasn't been the best, just a life and glad I'm here to have it.

Perhaps, and I know for me, I finally realized that the best way to honor them is to just try and remember them as they were when I knew them. I can laugh at some of the silly shit we did and all the stuff we talked about. I'm glad I can still remember all of that.

I have the highest regard for the Doctors and Corpsman that I've met. I don't think that there's a tougher job than that. If not for ya'll I wouldn't even be here. Someday, maybe I'll tell that story but not today. I'll just say this;

Semper Fi glad you've found us. and Welcome

JarHed

 

[Docrobert82]

JarHed,
Thanks for the welcome and I'm very glad I've found you guys. Today was the first day in a while where my thoughts weren't all consumed by the exgirlfriend or possibly leaving the service. I've needed help for a long time but was always focused on my Marines and friends that I let myself go.
I do try and live my life for the ones that are gone but it is hard sometimes.
I'd love to hear that story one day.

Thanks again and Semper Fi

Robert

 

[Sarg]

Hey, Jar, I live on because I'm a tough old turd and refuse to lay down and die! HA!

Sarg

 

[JarHed]

I live on because I'm a tough old turd and refuse to lay down and die! HA!

I'm right there with ya Bro.

I will always remember those days and the people I was with. At least I hope I always will.

Jar

 

[Sludge]

I was a damn twidjit, but a corpsmen saved my scrawny ass when the "real" doc wrote me off. I might be able to fix/destroy/ressurect anything with a roll of duct tape and a soldering iron and some scrap laying about, but corpsmen work miracles with less than that.

 

[gmoe240]

Welcome here to the forum Doc, from another Corpsman. 26 years of it...I understand.

HMC