Relationship Found Out My Boyfriend With Ptsd Is On A Dating Site..

[Becksknox]

@New30 i found mine on a dating site also recently and last year when he went thru his trauma anniversary he did the same. He doesn't communicate with anyone on there and when I questioned him he said it hurts him that I could have "any guy and a date every night of the week". He gets completely down on himself and needs the validation that others find him attractive. I can get that. But since we talked about it and though we weren't close to the point we are at now, he promised to get off. He gave me all of his passwords, which were easy enough to find out anyway. It's all I can do to not "snoop" which I've been string and haven't done but I will check to see if he has changed them after he told me and he has not. It makes me feel better that as he heals, he is proving his trust back to me.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

From what you've told us here I gather that you did everything right. You supported him, gave him space, you were there for him even when he gave you crap. He was lucky to have you, but he screwed it up.

The story about him browsing dating sites to take his mind off things teally raised an eyebrow with me. Seriously. There's thousands of ways to get away from the pain of the here and now. No way that he used the dating site just for that.

I'm sorry things didn't work out between you two, but I do believe it's for the best. You showed a lot of strength and self-respect by listening to yourself and not letting him cross your boundaries. Yes, PTSD sucks, but that gives us sufferers no right to mistreat other people.

Hugs :hug:

 

[New30]

Thanks Stillstanding, i can understand why you say that but I honestly don't think he's drinking at all, he has the odd drink with dinner etc but he's never had any more than that.

Becksknox, I hope you two manage to work through things. My experience was a little different in that he didn't seem to think there was anything wrong as he kept giving excuses as to why he went on it, plus he didn't come off it when he knew it was important to me. Trust is a huge thing to me and finding out he was on the site for 2-3 months broke that trust. As long as you feel you still have that trust with your boyfriend then keep supporting him but ot's ok to be wary.

Thanks Snowwhite, I know I did everything I could to help him, at times I didn't speak up when he hurt me by snapping at me or ignoring me but I was trying to put his feelings first. I know I did the right thing, even more so now as he is treating me like dirt on his shoe...I've asked him to drop off the rest of my stuff and key which he said he would last weekend, I didn't hear from him all week so sent a message this morning to ask if he was able to still drop them off, I could meet him of needs be, his reply was rude, he would return them when it was convenient to him. I feel so confused as he's continuing to hurt me rather than just return my stuff and move on. Why is that, is it to maintain control of the situation? How can he treat me with such disdain when I've been there to support him so much through his trauma?

 

[hodge]

It could be that he's trying to keep control by not returning your things. But I don't really know enough about him to say for certain. It sounds like he's really being a jerk about this. Like, what does he expect? For you to just accept that he's on a dating site?? NOT. I hope he returns your stuff soon.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'm sorry, I misunderstood!

I still think you deserve better though. I think that 8 months into a relationship means that one should be dating exclusively unless both parties agree that its just a casual thing and both parties agree that they can each see other people. I mean at 8 months in, you should know if you want to be with that person exclusively, and if not, its time to let things go. That is, at 8 months you don't need more time to figure out if you want to be with that person!

Can you go get your stuff from him? I think he's being a jerk by not giving it back to you.

 

[PTSD LOVER]

I've been reading through the forums on this site and they've been great at helping me understanding what...

Hi new30. Here is what i suggest.

1. Lay a foundation, you both must agree if you are in a committed exclusive relationship.
2. Decide if you trust each other.
3. Each of you must decide if you are willing to sacrifice something that makes the other more secure for the sake of your relationship.
4. If the both of you cannot do the things in 1 thru 3, then consider walking away from each other. If only one person is willing to sacrifice in the relationship, it will not work.

Remember: a man will change, but only for the right woman!!