Freak

[Jirug]

Why do you all PM each other? I never get any. I'm a freak who nobody wants to speak to.

 

[Tesipa]

@ Op, people talk about stuff that they don't feel comfortable talking about elsewhere...or reveal whatever, including private, self-identifying info...or maybe even carry on steamy e-affairs for all I know...

You're not a freak.

You're ok.

 

[Ojam]

Are you aware of the top ten primary cognitive distortions as listed below?

1. All or nothing thinking -- You see things in black and white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.
2. Over-generalization -- You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
3. Mental filter -- You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it so exclusively that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that colors the entire beaker of water.
4. Disqualifying the positive -- You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count" for some reason or other. In this way you can maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.
5. Jumping to conclusions -- You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion. (Involves mind-reading and fortune-telling.)
6. Magnification and minimization -- You exaggerate the importance of things, or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny.
7. Emotional reasoning -- You assume that your emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are, as in "I feel it, therefore it must be true."
8. Should statements -- You try to motivate yourself with "should" and "should not," as if you have to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything.
9. Labeling and mislabeling -- This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself.
10. Personalization -- You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event which, in fact, you were not primarily responsible for.

3 sentences. 20 words. 7 Cognitive distortions.

 

[Jirug]

If I think differently, people will want to talk to me?

 

[Efa]

That is not what they are saying at all, thinking you are a freak because no one is PM'ing you is a cognitive distortion. I PM with people but the majority of my conversations are because I reached out to someone else first.

 

[Jirug]

What did you say? I don't know what people say that they couldn't say here. I don't understand.

 

[Ahohoh]

Sometimes I just PM people to let them know I am thinking of them or to offer additional support. Sometimes they have mentioned a hobby that I am interested in and would like to learn more. Sometimes I have additional information to share with them without derailing their thread.

There are all kinds of reasons, but the number one reason is just to offer more personalised emotional support. "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I care." Sometimes it turns into a great conversation and I make a new friend, and sometimes I don't get any response.

 

[Kina]

No one PM's me either but I don't feel left out or like a freak. It is generally used to ask private, more personal questions. No big deal...but the ideology that you are a freak because of that should be addressed.

 

[Zunofo]

What did you say? I don't know what people say that they couldn't say here.

Plenty of things but first, taking sometbing out of private and into public view is against the rules and second, its likely not about you but more intimate personal details that they didnt want to say out in the clear view of everyone.

Allowing yourself to continue on negitive distortions (already listed) about this doesnt challenge the "i dont get PMs therefore i must be a horrible person" (incorrect) distortion. You need to read that and see this for what it is, its how you feel but feelings arent reality, they are feelings.

Other than one, all ive gotten is normally either somone that saw me helping and is asking for a private shoulder...usually just info they dont want in public view, or its someone that was triggered or saw me become triggered (or both) in the same thread and again, no need to vent something that has to do with me in public (and that would hurt people).

We are here to support each other, equally. Just because some get PMs and you dont doesnt make you less of an important, needed, and wanted person.

 

[Ninike]

I don't get many either. Though I don't reach out much that way, I would assume that is why I don't.

I just assumed that was on par with most people here. But I never thought much on it.

 

[Asivu]

I never get any either. But I dontvreakly want any. I don't feel part of the club here, just come to talk or to listen sometimes.
I don't like the social aspects of all this - but I'm avoidant socially. I'm happy to not be included!

 

[Ucedur]

Why do you all PM each other?

to start I'd question why you're assuming everyone here is pming everyone else here except you?

I personally rarely use PM and very few people have PM'd me - I'm very okay with that.

Can I ask how many PM conversations you've started with people, or asked to start with people?