Freaking out and scared for therapy after opening up

[Scott88]

Hi all I'm currently freaking out about going to my therapy session tomorrow, it's been an awful few days after in my last session it was the first time I have ever said the words out loud on part of what happened as a child. And I am so freaking out about going back to my session, any help or guidance from anyone that's experienced this please

 

[Mach123]

Yes this happened to me also. It has to come out. I don't think anyone can do it without experiencing those feelings to one degree or other. You lost your voice or rather, it was taken away from you. Now you are getting it back. You are healing. It is very painful at first and it does not feel like "getting better", but it is. Congratulations! Thank you, by posting on here about it you are not only helping yourself you are helping others.

 

[Joan]

I know I have felt this on more than one occasion. Kudos to doing the hard work. Try to remember your therapist is not going to look at you any differently, believe anything differently (except maybe how courageous you are). Not sure if you have availability to email your T, but if so would it help to before you go fire off an email telling your struggles and how scared you are. He/she probably knows that as it is a common reaction after revealing something....but I know for me it is helpful to lay it out there...I often cannot say it, but can write it. Well done...it is so hard.

 

[OneToughCookie]

Hi, @rab91 . The first time I told my therapist, I definitely was worried about going back. I was afraid of being judged, afraid I was wrong, afraid to betray my family, and afraid I was crazy. It's perfectly normal. All I can tell you is that it gets better. The first 6 weeks or so talking about your trauma and going over it with your therapist are the hardest. After that, you become a little less emotionally involved and re-experience it much less frequently, at least in my case. My guidance during this time would be to focus on self-care and positive thinking. I journaled like crazy during that time. Be aware that right now, you are forming potentially long-lasting perceptions of the world. As you recount your story, don't forget about the positive, safe moments in life, and make sure you mention them. My number one piece of advice would be to buy a DBT workbook, or, preferably, enroll in a DBT course. You'll need all the coping skills you can get, and will learn mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness, and will likely recover much faster. Be mindful of changes in your behavior; you may be tempted to isolate at this time. While you will need a ton of time to yourself, maintain whatever routines (especially within your social life) you can. Perhaps look up an emotion wheel so you can begin identifiying your emotions. When you say "freaking out," what are you actually feeling?
Finally, remember these are simply suggestions. Try 'em all, but keep the fish (what works for you), and spit out the bones (what doesn't). :) Best of luck, and let me know if you need anything else!

 

[Mach123]

I also sat in front of a therapist I had in the beginning when I first found out about trauma and PTSD for about two years. He would say "when are you going to talk about it?" I don't even know If I knew what he meant. I would disassociate so bad I'd be dizzy when I walked out of there. I just couldn't say it. I couldn't talk about it. I think it comes out when it's ready. That particular therapist told me he had many people do that, sit there and not say it so you are doing great! Now I am doing really (I don't know how to say it?) deep? Intense? stuff. IDK but I certainly never thought I'd say any of it. For years I didn't even know any of it. But, as it comes out everything starts to come together. Look forward to that. One of the most amazing things is my intuition started to work. I never knew what people were saying to me because I was so disconnected emotionally. I couldn't read between the lines, I couldn't put two and two together. I could only hear the words. Now I'm starting to function better. Just this morning I was talking to my wife and she said "you've never been well before." How good is that? Baby steps. You're brave. It's an honor. I can't encourage you enough, it's so worth it.

 

[UnicornSightings]

We've all experienced this. It's completely normal to feel vulnerable and anxious after that. That's what therapy is for, though. It will get easier but you need to keep going in spite of your fear for that to happen. You can do this.

 

[Deleted member 42665]

it is ok, i been there many times, its always worse in your mind than it actually is. i am sure it will be ok. just breathe, you got this. they are there to help, remember

 

[Kintsugi]

I just wanted to thank everyone on this thread. I've never spoken about my childhood trauma out loud. I've been in and out of therapy for it for 14 years. This thread has been an incredible read so far.

 

[Deleted member 8714]

Been there and done that. I'm basically finished with therapy. I've been doing it on and off for 25 plus years. Enough is enough.

It took me a long time after starting therapy to talk about what happened especially since the second therapist wasn't that great. She abused her position of authority with me and it took a long time to get over that. Over the years it got easier to talk about the abuse. The last two therapists I saw were easier to talk to about it and yet the subject matter was the worst; the criminal acts my father perpetrated on me and others. Plus I could no longer use an alter to hide behind or dissociate from the memories as they emerged through flashbacks.

 

[Natsmith]

Hi all I'm currently freaking out about going to my therapy session tomorrow, it's been an awful few days...

Iv just recently started emdr im in the process of doing the relaxation I'm dreading it but my therapist said that the last person they done it with is now away traveling the world