Relationship Friend had bacterial meningitis twice, then raped, now suicidal

[Calder]

hmm I truly do believe her, it would take too much commitment to pull this off, crying and up at every hour of night in east africa. I am thinking of visiting but am going to talk it over with friend over next few days first. Ok and if she is somehow scamming me, any ideas of trying to find out? - the thing that first pops into my head is to have her take pictures of the medical bills and receipts she spends it on.

 

[Casey_03]

If she is scamming you (and I don't necessarily believe she is, though I wouldn't rule it out), it may not even be her writing to you on WhatsApp at all hours of the night. A lot of these scams involve multiple people for more manpower. They use a girl to lure the guy in and start the relationship, and then there are more people to help her continue the scam.

I really have no idea if she really is a scammer. She might be, or she might really be a person with major issues. But if the latter is true, she is, at the very least, being deceptive and manipulative.

And yeah, you could try asking her to take pictures of the medical bills and receipts. You may be able to tell from her reaction if she's making it all up.

Just out of curiosity (and don't feel obliged to answer this if you don't feel comfortable), did you meet her on some sort of hook-up app? You mentioned it was an app for meeting people, but I wasn't sure if that meant it was an app for hook-ups or not. If it was, then it seems more likely she is scamming you.

I think you should be prepared for the possibility that she is scamming you. Even if she isn't, it's really not healthy for you to be so invested in someone who is a) thousands of miles away and b) suicidal and openly showing that she doesn't care about her own health.

If I were you, I'd ask for pics of the medical bills before making any plans for a trip. Sorry if all this sounds harsh, but there really are a lot of red flags in her story, and you've already demonstrated that you are exceptionally kind (and as such, easy bait for scammers).

 

[Deadman]

Copies of medical bills would not be proof of any sort. Having lived and worked in Africa I can tell you that you can get them from almost any corner 'doctor' for pennies.

@joeylittle has it right. If you truly believe her get up and go.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Deadman @joeylittle Wow. You'd really suggest that someone travel half way around the world to see if they are being scammed??? Seems a bit drastic for knowing this person only a few weeks. I'd cut my loss and run the other way if I was @Calder

 

[Deadman]

I'd cut my loss and run the other way if I was @Calder

So would I. But I don't truly believe her.

 

[joeylittle]

If you truly believe her get up and go.

I think that's the only way you will know for sure, if you have no other in-country contacts. And continuing to send money isn't going to help - so if you really want to help, OR if you want to know what's up - you need to go.

And yes, I would not suggest this if you weren't so committed to believing her, and hadn't already spent the cost of one round-trip ticket. You seem to have dispensable time and money, @Calder. Talking to us and trying to figure out what to do isn't going to get you very far.

I'm assuming you were looking for advice on the suicidal ideation she's been expressing. As I said - perpetuating the cycle of threat, reassurance (I'm going to kill myself/please don't) is not healthy for her or you. So minimum, you need to hand that off to someone who can actually do something, if indeed she's struggling. Contact the school.

 

[Calder]

hmm interesting. It is looking like she might be scamming me, or atleast lying. She said she got meds yesterday after checkup, when I asked her to take picture of them she tried to take pic of generic ones from the front, when i asked for pic of back to see the writing on cartridges she said i caught her, and that she had thrown them away because she didn’t want to keep taking them. also says she burned reciepts because doesn’t want aunt to find out about rape and that she has meningitis again, when i asked wasn’t it her aunt that brought her to the hospital 2 days ago, she said she actually did it alone and got a motorcycle taxi on road.



So she has lied to me a few times, she says because doesn’t want to see me worry, but it is suspicious. Call me stubborn but i still need more evidence though, preferably her saying it herself that she has been lying, we will see.

 

[Calder]

Ok i missed abunch of those responses before I posted what I just posted, but ya, I have no plans to visit anymore, because she has lied recently and is A) being extremely irresponsible and harmful to her own health (but she also apparently visited a counselor yesterday and will hopefully go to a womens support group on wednesday), or B) she is really scamming me.

So it was like a chat app, it wasn't neccesarily a hook-up app, i think it was similar to 'skout' or 'meetme' but if forget which one it actually was. I met her aunt and her niece though and had dinner with them at their house a few times, we definitly spent a lot of time together, she wasn't making up whole whole story, but ya...it isn't looking good on the whole 'its not a scam' front.

forgot to add in there- to option A above - that i won't visit because she being irresponsible and harmful to her own health, i agree with casey and others that not good for my own health, and to try to get her to lean more with counselor and support group and less on me.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Calder Good for you for making yourself a priority before her. Yes, I thought right away that she wasn't being truthful with you. I'm glad that you can see this. Keep your wallet closed.. LOL!!!!!!

 

[Nessa7]

also says she burned reciepts because doesn’t want aunt to find out about rape and that she has meningitis again, when i asked wasn’t it her aunt that brought her to the hospital 2 days ago, she said she actually did it alone and got a motorcycle taxi on road.

Personally, I also think she's lying. Even if she isn't, I think she has given you plenty of reasons to question her character. This is so irresponsible as to be disturbing, especially the part that I quoted. If she is refusing the appropriate treatment, I am sure that her doctors have told her about the risks. Bacterial meningitis isn't as contagious as the cold, but it is still contagious and her aunt has the right to know to take precautions. Someone that catches it from her could die.

 

[GWhizz]

Bacterial meningitis is highly contagious.. So much so that it's a notifiable disease and anyone in contact with her would have to be treated also.. Which leads me to the rape. As a health care professional I would not entered a suspected meningitis case's room without full protective clothing, barrier mask etc. I just can't see any Doctor taking that risk.

Sorry you're being manipulated by this woman.

 

[talon]

Hello,

I was with someone 2 months ago while I was traveling for about 2 weeks in a developing country...

Its sad that a moment of passion has caused so much grief as it would seem this lady was very vulnerable from the outset. This is a very sad story so i hope that for you both it has a happy outcome because it sounds bleak. It seems now she has lost all hope and maybe expected more . I truly hope you can support her to recovery