Friends With An Abuser

[Deleted member 31068]

Hi, I've just joined, though I've been reading on here a while.

My memories have been returning for a couple of years now. I don't have a therapist because sometimes my abusers have been, or have posed as, doctors and I'm scared to ask for help, however, I'm making good progress alone.

The reason I'm writing is because I'm a member of a monthly book club, in fact, I co-founded it with a friend. Except last week I realized my 'friend' is also a past abuser, involved in some horrendous abuses against me. It explains so much about her attitude towards me. She is often implying I'm a slut which I think has not been good for my reputation with the other members of our group.

She emailed me an invitation to her house the other day and I felt sick with fear. It was a group email and I didn't respond or attend, though i have been to her house many times. The next time i see her she will ask me about my lack of response. What should I say?

Now I don't know what to do about book club. I don't know if I should give up, if so, what reason should I give? Everyone else there is lovely and I would miss their friendship, (they are all older than me, it would be hard for me to continue a friendship without a mutual interest.). And might I make my abuser suspicious that I've remembered her involvement? Is it more desirable to fake ignorance so that I might trick her into giving me some information that might help with a future police investigation? Is it possible to fake something so emotionally charged? Or would it be healthier and give a more positive message to my sub-conscious to avoid this woman completely? But at the moment I'm sure I don't have enough proof to ever successfully prosecute.

There's only a week until our next meeting. Any advice would be very welcome. Thank you.

 

[reddy4765]

what are some of your friend's past abuses towards you?

 

[Deleted member 31068]

Definitely satanic ritual abuse (inc repeated rape) and it's possible she may have been involved in, or at least aware of, the abduction of my toddler daughter overnight.

 

[scout86]

the abduction of my toddler daughter overnight.

How old is your daughter now? If this happened recently, and by "abduction" you means she took her without your consent and held her against her will, you didn't know where she was, etc, sounds like a police matter to me. In fact, did you contact the police when your daughter disappeared? At least in this country, kidnapping is a pretty serious offense and it should be up to the authorities to decide whether or not they can prosecute. How did you get your daughter back?

I'd say, if you have a "friend" who has engaged in ritual satanic abuse and repeated rape AND the abduction of your daughter, what to do about the book club is a fairly minor problem. The safety of your daughter is a lot more important than that.

 

[Deleted member 31068]

Thank you but you do not have the full picture and I am not prepared to answer your questions and go in to details of all of it at the moment. I answered reddy4765's question because I thought they had a reason for wanting to know that might affect the advice they were about to give but I really wish i hadn't because it has just clouded things and has not helped with my initial query, which is the one i need help with right now, in the short term.
Be reassured my daughter is as safe as we are able to be. Are you able to help me with my book club problem, please?

 

[Neverthesame]

I know what I would say. Here are some examples:
- "Why didn't I respond to your email? Because I don't owe you an explanation. Stay the f*ck away from my daughter."

-"I didn't respond to your email because you are an evil person. I don't want to be your victim... Again. Stay the f*ck away from my daughter."

- "I didn't respond to your email because I had better things to, such as watching the grass grow. Stay the f*ck away from my daughter."

If you want to keep it short and simple. You could try something like.

"Because you are a tosser. Stay the f*ck away from my daughter."

Or just grab the biggest book you can find, then throw it at her face.

 

[Deleted member 31068]

Thank you, Neverthesame. I certainly like the thought of that! The last time I spoke with her was when I dropped off a birthday card at her house. She may or may not have had anything to do with what happened to my daughter and that is not information that I have shared with her or the book club and it was fourteen years ago. In light of this, is your advice still the same?

(Sorry, I am only just working out how to use the forum. I have replied above but think I should have done it this way, instead.)

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

This person is already triggering you and causing you anxiety. I would cancel the book club, to get her out of my life. Then, start up another one if you wish, by yourself, or with a more suitable partner.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

I know what I would say. Here are some examples:
- "Why didn't I respond to your email? Because I d...

lol Sic em' boy! ;)

 

[Neverthesame]

If I suspected someone of having done to my child what you described. I wouldn't care if it happened 14 years ago or 50 years ago. I would still be just as angry and hurt by what this person had done.

You had said that you don't have 100% proof of it. Honestly I don't think that would change my response. The reason is that I honestly don't think that this person is likely to be tricked into admitting any involvement in the horrors you described.

If this person has been able to evade being implicated in this for 14 years. They are probably good at keeping their mouth shut. I find it hard to imagine that they would accidentally tell anyone, let alone the victims mother. The one person who is most likely going to nail her ass to the wall for what she did.

I just don't think it would be worth the enormous psychological toll of being around this person, when you are not likely to get the answers you seek.

 

[Deleted member 31068]

I see, thank you both. It is hard for me to figure out appropriate emotional responses and to find ways to express emotions and I really appreciate your help.

The reason i thought I may be able to get her to say something that implicates herself is because she is quite a cocky person and already says stuff that implies I have a lot of sex with a lot of people - even though this is not true to life. She has obviously been thinking about abuse situations when she has said that.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Get rid of her. She sounds like a first class bitch. Good luck.