Frightened of therapist...

[InsertCoinsHere]

I’m unsure whether I feel safe with my therapist.. I don’t know if it’s emotions of fear I feel in my body rising during therapy sessions and then feeling vulnerable/at risk of being attacked (verbally or even physically) or is it actually her demeanour..

It may be a combination of both, I feel she doesn’t make me feel at ease during sessions which I find difficult becausr if I don’t get comfortable I’m pretty much continually in a high anxiety but dissociative state during the session, it takes extreme effort to stay grounded and even remain able to stay engaged by listening and stringing sentences together.

She is quite dominant and appears proud of this, I often feel the power imbalance during the session is highly in her favour, she is empathetic at times when she allows herself to be and I do feel she does want the best for my healing, I do trust her professionalism however I’m not sure if I feel safe and comfortable with her... I think it may be her dominant frame that I find difficult.. possibly this is a big trigger for me as I was abused by a female ‘caregiver’.

Allowing myself to be extremely vulnerable especially while doing EMDR & talk therapy with a therapist that can oscillates regularly between domineering/confrontational and caring/supportive.. I’m not sure if it’s too much and I’m best finding a new therapist.. I’ve considered this a few times now..


Have other people here had experiences where they felt quite frightened of attending sessions because they found the therapist triggering?

Thanks.

 

[hithere]

this sounds terribly difficult. There is a power imbalance. I would really encourage you get a therapist that you can from the beginning feel some sense of trust. There is research that shows if the client doesn't connect in the first few sessions the therapy doesn't have good outcomes. Yet, those clients who in the first few sessions did feel comfortable with the therapist had good outcomes. this included short term and long term therapies. From my personal experience, I spent too much money and time and masochistic pain trying to force a therapy with a counselor that I did not feel safe with. Big mistake on my part. I told myself the topic is so painful this would happen with any therapist. I found out it isn't true. When I found someone I could relax into the chair in their presence. wow, what a difference that made.

 

[knuckles]

Yes. I have three failed attempts at therapy in the last three years. I shut down; still not sure about the how/what/why. I know I tense up; arms tight to my body, hands "locked" in flexion of the wrists, head slightly bowed, no eye contact, clenched jaws and grinding of teeth. I can speak a little, but only few simple words, and it is so very hard to get my thoughts in order and string the words together.
Had a therapist who couldn't contain her frustration. And the last therapist told me she believed I had to learn to control my body, on my own, before therapy could be of any relevance to me. I tried that, several times, and failed every time.
I have just started with a new therapist (one session so far); she seems to handle my reactions with more calm acceptance. But I worry how long that will last. I tend to be very sensitive to frustration, and feeling that the therapist is becoming frustrated with my lack of response, is likely to make me withdraw even more.
I am hoping therapy will work better for me this time. Oddly enough though, her being caring seems to cause trouble for me as well. So I don't know which degree of empathy is better for me. But I do know that feeling safe in therapy is something I can't rely on as a means to guage whether it is actually beneficial to me.

 

[Missycat]

Im fortunate that this hasnt happened to me but i wondered if you could talk to your therapist before leaving and trying a new one? I can imagine that it will be hard to do but it could be the answer. You say that you trust her professionalism , you havent said what she does / doesnt do to trigger you.
At next session could you tell her how you feel , how she makes you feel ? If she isnt prepared to listen and understand then that gives you the answer ... to look elsewhere.

 

[Friday]

Have other people here had experiences where they felt quite frightened of attending sessions because they found the therapist triggering?

Frightened? No.

Sick as f*ck? Symptomatic as hell? Absolutely.

 

[knuckles]

I have thought about your post on/off. Much of it resonates a lot with me. I have had much the same thoughts in a previous therapy course.
In your last sentence you ask if others have felt frightened of attending sessions because they found the therapist triggering. I have actually touched on this subject with three different therapists. I can't say if this makes sense for you, but in my case I was told that I am bound to feel triggered in session due to the nature of my issues. Sitting so close to another person with whom I am supposed to have a relationship with, is just not something I can handle calmly.
That said I do believe that how you connect with your therapist, regardless of issues, does have a major impact on your therapy. I just don't know how to properly act on sense of safety/trust, or lack thereof. For now I more or less disregard it.

 

[ILoveLife]

Yes, this happened to me. Turns out I wasn't wrong and the T was in fact quite dangerous for my psyche.
Since then, when I don't feel comfortable with a T, I have a conversation with them about it and if things are not able to be resolved I change Ts.

 

[MyWillow]

Have other people here had experiences where they felt quite frightened of attending sessions because they found the therapist triggering?

Slightly different situation but my T - who is lovely - was unbeknownst to both of us, triggering the holy heck out of me. I went for pain management and ended up learning new terms like dissociation, flashbacks, trauma, amnesia. I continued to get worse and I’d often start dissociating in the waiting room. She referred me to a psydoc who I now see weekly. She is much better at slowing things down and keeping me in the room. I still feel anxious because I know each session will suck. And I still do equine T with my previous T. My psydoc and T talk to each other too which really helps. I guess what I’m saying is that it’s best to bring it up with your T. If she doesn’t get it there’s nothing wrong with moving on. Take care x

 

[Skylynx]

I'm in the same predicament with a controlling T who likes to give advice. I was way too bonded to quit with her, though. My answer was to find another T to talk to at another time in the same week who was nicer. I feel that the therapist for deep problems should just ask empathic questions, not try to give advice or tell how to feel. It's terrifying to be told how to feel or think when you're not ready for it. Yet, I was very bonded and couldn't just quit. Money might be a problem, but just getting acquainted with another T at the same time might be softer, or bridge a change over.

 

[Abstract]

The good thing is your are looking at this and trying to understand what is happening.

Can imagine various possibilities can be at play:
The t and you don't match. Nothing wrong with her but not right for you. Get a different t.
There is something about her manner that is happening to trigger you or set you off. This could potentially be helped if uncovered and discussed. If she can adjust.
The t is a bad t in some way or other. Obviously leave and get another t.
The t or you arent understanding or unable to deal with some of your difficulties and are therefore not accommodating them in your sessions. Either learn these or change t's.
You find being in therapy difficult because of trust etc. The nature of it is setting you off. Potentially discussing that in t and trying to find ways around it.
etc.

Have personally worked my way through all of those. The last one is a tricky one. Trusting someone to know my inner most stuff in 2 in a room way is not an intuitive comfort zone for me. Me with only me is. Good luck.

 

[InsertCoinsHere]

Okay so I feel I’ve concluded what the issue is:

1) Dissociation - Days prior to any difficult session (whereby a breakthrough of sorts is made) I’m increasingly symptomatic.. I believe I have a strong mental resistance due to apprehension anxiety, this increases in dissociation whereby I am consumed by fear (potentially an abused part) and in that light all I can perceive are the ‘negative’ qualities in the therapist and experiences with the therapist. In that state I simply cannot fathom that in the past she has been good but also has moments of challenging me.

2) Trust issues - Yup for me it’s about feeling deeply uncomfortable being so exposed and having to hold faith that the therapist won’t betray me or become abusive. It truly is a deeply uncomfortable process but one I am willing to risk in order to learn how to trust again.

3) Feeling dominated by a female - Due to the nature of my abuse this is an area that is going to be challenging for me.. To work with a female T around areas of abuse and have her challenge my beliefs/opinions/thoughts. This does raise issues of distrust, fear and anger. Something I need to continue to notice and be mindful of.


Thank you for all your replies I posted the original post when I was quite dissociative prior to therapy.. during the therapy session I instantly felt at ease with her, I had totally deceived myself of what she was like. During the EMDR session I had a disturbing memory pop up.. I’m still unsure how much I believe it but it does explain a lot. Anyway thank you all for you replies, they are all areas I will continue to explore with my T so I can increase my comfort levels.

 

[Abstract]

Well done for the dissection. ;)

Being triggered or dissociated so can distort our perceptions. Trying to work on that to a deeper level myself at present. Do you think her being a woman is a help or a hindereane? Or both?