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Frontline provider on LOA

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I’ve taken a leave due to my mental health. Haven’t been on here for years. Was basically happy, healthy and very high functioning for yrs. I did alot of work with a great trauma therapist and was able to live free of ptsd.

Started a new job in October with higher pay and closer to home. I am very good at my job with great evals. Working on a specialization degree presently as well. I was managing everything and enjoying it all. Then this pandemic happened and I spiraled down a well of ptsd.

I went from a green zone to a red zone within a few weeks. I was afraid for my own health due to lack of good PPE practices and because I have a chronic health condition that places me at high risk. I was also involved with the community in the first few weeks and got overwhelmed. I over related to other people’s fears and concerns tackling their issues instead of taking time to breath. I was actively admitting pts with the virus and I had a break down one night at work. I work nights. It didn’t effect any pt care, I messaged my boss and I went home early.

I started feeling like I was better off dying. I had a plan though I am not sure I could ever act on it. I have not been suicidal since high school. 44 now. I gave my husband my wishes if I was hospitalized for coronavirus without a word from him just a confirmation email. I’m on my own here.
I am getting help. My therapist for many years moved away so I had to start fresh. This new one has a trauma specialization too.
My job knows I am having mental health issues but they do not know that I was suicidal or that I have cptsd. I have used all of my sick time and since I have only been there 6-7 months I am not eligible for FMLA.
Recently they started pressuring me for a return date. I honestly can’t say. I can’t even talk to them out of fear. I avoid their calls and email or text the next day. During my last call with my boss it was obvious there was frustration. I know my mental health is more important than any job but I don’t want to lose my job. What protections do I have if any? What is my best course of action? Should I tell them more about my situation and diagnosis?

I’m spending a lot of time worrying about all of this job stuff. Lots of shame about not being able to work. I’m trying to be kind to myself and take care of myself. Going for walks and such. As soon as they start communicating with me (weekly) my anxiety is through the roof. Today I got an email from them stating they “need a return date ASAP” on text too. I just sent them an email Tuesday saying I knew I wasn’t ready. I can afford to live for awhile without income if needed. I have a per diem gig at a prior job. I can get other jobs. I don’t know what to do. My therapist says I’m not ready. That there is lots of preparing needed to return. I’ve been in bed since my therapy appt and work communications this morning crying.
 
Hello Moodygem, welcome :)

Sorry things are hitting you so hard now. Glad you found us and are reaching out.

Are there disability advocacy groups / centers with legal counsel where you are?

Eventually, can your therapist help you link up with disability / employment agencies?

As the laws as to the extent of needed disclosures differ greatly by region, profession, and level of care provided - and you might better consult the specifics with well seasoned advisors in the area.

What supports have you been having in addition to therapy - great step there by the way - have you considered seeing a psychiatrist (I gather insurance longterm and availability right now may be bit scarce).

Are there things that help you feel even slightly better?
 
Health is the most important thing but need to at a minimum contact the HR department. If you have worked a total of 1250 hours you are eligible for FMLA. 7 months is very close for the hour requirement. If you worked 12 hour shifts or any overtime should push you above the threshold. That will buy you 3 months to get things straight. It will also be one less thing to have on your mind about the job later on. Also if you do leave it will help you to go back versus ignoring them they will not hire you back.
 
Hello Moodygem, welcome :)

Sorry things are hitting you so hard now. Glad you found us and are reaching out.

Are there disability advocacy groups / centers with legal counsel where you are?

Eventually, can your therapist help you link up with disability / employment agencies?

As the laws as to the extent of needed disclosures differ greatly by region, profession, and level of care provided - and you might better consult the specifics with well seasoned advisors in the area.

What supports have you been having in addition to therapy - great step there by the way - have you considered seeing a psychiatrist (I gather insurance longterm and availability right now may be bit scarce).

Are there things that help you feel even slightly better?


I am trying to get in touch with the local NAMI people and Workers Rights to see what I can find out. Maybe NAMI can help me find out what I should disclose. I guess I was more wondering if other people would disclose to their boss exactly why they chose to or not. I just tried to write an email disclosing that I have c-PTSD and that I was suicidal but I couldn't send it. I end up worrying if he will tell people. His wife also works with me. He is a provider as well so he should understand privacy but I end up worrying about it.

I have my therapist and we are talking sometimes twice per week. I opened up to my husband today and he was receptive and supportive. Isn't always the case. I have friends. I am going through the feeling like a burden thing. Don't want to bring people down etc. Funny how that happens. I am the friend that they wouldn't worry about. I am thinking of reaching out to other friends today too. People who have been down. My father supports me too I talk to him regularly.

I go for walks most days since I've been on leave. Today was particularly hard but I made myself go out. It helps. Thanks for responding.
 
Health is the most important thing but need to at a minimum contact the HR department. If you have worked a total of 1250 hours you are eligible for FMLA. 7 months is very close for the hour requirement. If you worked 12 hour shifts or any overtime should push you above the threshold. That will buy you 3 months to get things straight. It will also be one less thing to have on your mind about the job later on. Also if you do leave it will help you to go back versus ignoring them they will not hire you back.


I don't think I have worked that many hrs. I work 10-12 hr shifts per month. 5 on 9 off. I haven't picked up much overtime because I am in school too. I'm not ignoring them it just takes a day for me to respond sometimes. I made an appt with my PCP tomorrow to send official LOA paperwork for mental health reasons. My therapist told me today she thinks I'm not ready to go back. I have no more CTO. I guess I will be doing unpaid leave. I wonder how long they would hold the job for me.
 
Ah, makes sense disclosures are a concern. Personally I disclose only on need to know basis. People I work with all know I have a MI, but the extent & specifics vary.

Prior employments, more often than not I kept it to myself, altogether, or let through I have a TBI but that was it.

Good on you for having what sounds like a very functional therapeutic relationship. ;)

Also rather glad your husband is supportive and so are your friends.

Not sure how familiar you are with effects of trauma specific therapy - but increase in depression and other symptoms is incredibly normal when one just starts working on trauma, and lasts months or longer.

Ditto if there's been an increase in frequency of sessions, it may take some time to get through it all.

You're not a burden, nor bringing anyone down ;)

Just because you are down yourself, right now, is a reason to get help - to both get comfortable at where you arrived, and then with time & strength gotten get back up. ;)

That's amazing person who's doing a lot (congratz on juggling therapy and school alike!)... not a burden. ;)
 
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