Frustrated With Therapy

[Whitebird]

Hi all,

I have a problem. Any suggestions are really really welcome.

My sessions with my therapist are really frustrating. I always go to his office with a lot of things in my mind for talking, but I always forget what I want to talk about. After my last session I felt so embarrassed because I was supposed to talk about things that I really like about myself, but I completely forgot it! And he didn't remind me of that! We didn't have anything to say! I thought he was really tired of me.:(

Also, I usually can't think and answer his questions, but I don't know why. He think that I don't feel comfortable in his office. Last session he asked me if I have nightmares about therapy sessions and I just freaked out because I do have them! I couldn't talk about them and I felt he got really frustrated with me. I don't know what to do. It seems my mind go blank when I go to his office. I told him most of this reaction is not on my hands and he said that it is not on my hands 100%, but he didn't give me any advice.:(

I just wrote things that came to my mind. Sorry if I was kind of hodgepodge! Sorry about some mistakes too. And thanks in advance for taking the time to read this.

 

[Resilientbibliophile]

If it helps, sometimes I've arrived with a brief script of what material I wish to convey or cover. Especially important may be the need to condense recall of powerful emotions, etc. if such threaten to dominate the meeting to the neglect and exclusion of all else. Lastly, some therapists are adept at guiding therapy sessions in terms of themes covered, the depth to which materials explored are examined, redirecting and keeping us on course, etc. All the same, the skill set and maturity of those who are poised to advise us does vary, whereas know that it isn't uncommon for many here to register some mixture of frustration and guilt post-visit.

Along with discreet notes as to what you might wish to say carried into session, it may further help to scribble a record to yourself concerning what came to mind post-session consistent with having the valuable experience you might otherwise have desired. Too frequently that 'aha' moment comes 72 hours on, whereas forgetting that clarity of vision for indifferent follow through is well travelled territory for many of us.

Continuing, at some point too you might choose to give voice to misgivings about relative compatibility with your therapist, whereas some discreet and reasoned mechanism towards referral to another therapist usually exists and may be activated at your discretion. In sum, try to hold up your end for being as prepared as you might be, whereas understand and appreciate that the therapist too should look to contribute towards your comfort consistent with inviting disclosure and eventual tough personal work for such is the usual way forward. Kind regards...

Mike

 

[digger]

Write down the things you want to talk about and take it with you? With going blank on questions, maybe you could go away and think about them and bring the answers back for the following session?

 

[mrsps]

Don't worry you are not alone with this issue! I now write stuff down that is on my mind and take it to therapy with me and read it out to my therapist. Once I have written down what is on my mind I don't go back and re read it I leave it and read it out how it is. My therapist said this was best because it is written exactly how I felt it at the time.
This has really helped.
Also I found if I didn't speak up and say what I wanted to talk about my therapist would go off in another direction talking about other stuff (stuff which is relevant and helpful for me just not what I was wanting to talk about in that particular session)
Please don't be scared to talk about anything with your therapist, they are there to help you. If they are doing or saying something that upsets you they would want to know.
Best of luck :)

 

[scout86]

The same thing happens to me, often! I've found that what I forget to talk about on one day will come up again on another day.It all works out in the end, so I try not to worry about it.

 

[Mystery]

Hi Whitebird, I often make a mental note to myself during the time between sessions to bring something up in therapy, then completely forget about it by the time I see my T again. I can't imagine both of us not having anything to say, with my therapist. Are you saying that there were uncomfortable silences? Imho, your therapist is asking you to take steps in the therapy without ensuring that the safe space of a theraputic relationship has been created first. Consequently therapy is making you feel bad about yourself. It shouldn't do that. I changed therapists before finding the one I am with now. The first one was just not the right one for me and I especially see that now that I am with the new one who makes me feel so safe, strong, heard, valued, validated and the list goes on.

When I had to terminate with the first one, I had all sorts of anxiety about having to explain why and got myself tied up in knots about whether it was me that was the problem and maybe I'm just resistant to growth, you name it I was so mentally and emotionally confused. I just listened to my inner voice that said, 'nope it doesn't feel right'. I had to do it by text message because I was too anxious to do it any other way. I just wrote Hi T, Thankyou for your kind attention and help so far, however I've decided not to continue with therapy for now, I wish you all the best.' End of story. Now that I've had time with the new therapist I realize that the first one was totally not right for me.

It's not necessarily anyone's fault, therapists have personalities and issues sometimes too. Like all people in the world, some fit better together than others. It's not your fault if you are not feeling comfortable with your therapist. It just is. Therapy should be a safe, validating and growing relationship of trust that takes baby steps if necessary, one at a time, in the right direction towards healing. Trust yourself to know what is best for you. Just because someone calls themselves a therapist doesn't mean they are good at it.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

You are definitely not alone in this. I spend many sessions in silence or mostly silence. I keep a journal and most times I start my session by letting my therapist read my entries. That usually gives us a starting point. Sometimes I write my answers to my therapist's questions down while I am in the session. Writing helps me get my thoughts in order more than talking. I am very comfortable with my therapist and she is very patient. How long have you been with this therapist? If it's been awhile, perhaps it's not the best match.

 

[RussH]

writing things down you want to talk to him about is really important, because it will remove the havning to remember it. Another thing is ask your therapist to write down the questions that he ask you, so you can you can read them during the week and think about them. If you can do this, then you will be able to give him reasoned answers to his questions.
Blessings to you.

 

[Whitebird]

Thanks all for your answers. I'm going to write for next session, but it is really frustrating to forget such an important thing.

I can't imagine both of us not having anything to say, with my therapist. Are you saying that there were uncomfortable silences?

No, he asked some questions and I couldn't answer. After that, he asked me to talk about whatever I want and I didn't have anything to say.

 

[Mystery]

Ok, thanks Whitebird, I understand. Maybe you could write some questions for him too, like asking him what he thinks is the reason you are feeling so shut down or how he sees your progress. Maybe whether he has ever experienced what you are experiencing with another client and how he plans to help you.:)

 

[Whitebird]

Thanks so much Mystery. The idea of experiences with other clients is great. Thanks again.

 

[Whitebird]

How long have you been with this therapist? If it's been awhile, perhaps it's not the best match.

I have been with this therapist for 6 months now. I want to wait some months and then decide on changing therapist. I think I am trusting him little by little. Changing the therapist is not easy. It takes time to trust the therapist.