Not having a great day today, feeling really nervous, anniversary coming up soon,just about running out of puff. I wish i could get my head around things ,but i can't seem to do it, really no one around here to talk to,feel alone ,isolated , nil sleep ,f*ckin over it ,wish things were so different. I miss being happy, im really stuck for words here, i don't know what im feeling, i always make out im doin ok ,but im not,just don't want to bother people with my problems, my mate Moose chose to make the ultimate sacrifice two months ago ,to take his own life, i remember the morning his wife rang me to deliver the news,i think i screamed like a bitch for about half an hour, i think being in Rawanda played a big part of the situation, but we were so close. f*ck i miss him, f*ck i miss a lot of things, f*ck i hate myself at the moment, why could'nt i breach that door in 95 & make a difference, to f*ckin slow & thats why. Im sick of draggin this guilt around,its like a bloody lead ball, chained to my soul & slowly drowning me. I wish i never joined the bloody army, nothin but grief, let downs, & im quite sure if they showed potential recruits, the real side of things, no one would join ,tricky pricks, f*ck the new post 2004 legislation, & what a crock of shit, what you recieve a injury in afcrackistan & they pay you 100000 dollars for your injury , then you go back & cop another injury you dont get dilly because of a previous pay out ,whats that........go figure , just ignore my spit...... f*ck Dva, Basterds:speechless:
