Funny Deployment Stories And More...

[reddevil1111]

When I think of all the tanks, apc's and trucks and cars I and my fellow Marines climbed through that had been hit by those sabot rounds and the 20 or 30mm the aircraft used... we had to check to insure no living were going to turn a weapon on us when we had our backs to them. Found a few that tried so it drove the message home even more. But all the crap from the ammo racks going off and the sabot rounds we never even thought of the crap we were being subjucted to. Not to mention the oil from the burning wells. And the area we patroled through with all the dead birds in the sand...no chemical weapons but the army came through the next day and forbid us from entering the same area we just walked through. Biggest clusterf*ck ever imo.

 

[Sludge]

OK. Here is aa funny one involving me, my "Professional Booze Hounds" and shore leave in a third world country.

So we are sitting in a strip club somewhere in Manta, Ecuador. For ten USD you get admission to the place, a bottle of Rum and a Two Liter of CocaCola (and in typical squid fashion, your choice of one of the girls. This was awesome. Well, it would have been awesome except the zeros marked it off limits. Of course, myself and my hand picked crew of professional, single drunks made a bee-line for the place. We come to discover it is full of the ship's and MarFor officers....

Many bottles of rum and gorgeous South American women followed...

I ended up at a table BSing with a couple of Marine Helo jocks.

We talked about blowing shit up. Things devolved quickly as my Scots Irish/ German hillbilly genes alllow me to consume copius amounts of booze with little effect. The poor pilots really tried to keep up, but after a few hours of fifths of rum, they got grouchy.

Invariably this led to shit talking and agressiveness:

"Goddamn CIWS is for pussies!"
"yeah, and marine helos are only good for hauling mail!"
"CIWS can't even shoot down a helo!"


"Wanna bet!?!?"


So the plan was hatched. I needed to to some PAC fires and a few tracking runs as part of my monthly and quartely PMs and the helo jocks volunteered to play target. They bet me a months pay in cash I couldn't get a lock on them. The ships officers agreed to set it up as they knew I always had something up my sleeve and wanted bragging rights.

For those that do not know, CIWS is point defense. It only targets stuff that is a threat to the ship as in inbound and decreasing altitude, et al a missile of aircraft on a strafing run. There is also a minimum inbound velocity requirement. I knew the helo jocks knew this, or they wouldn't have made the bet. They felt it was impossible for me to get a lock.

So, I did a few PAC fires to show off and empty the ammo drum. I then loaded the drum up with dummy rounds for the fly bys.

The fly boys got in the air and started their runs. I placed the mount in AAW Auto (Automatic Anti-Air Warefare) and stepped out from CIC to the bridge to watch and listen. In this mode the mount takes care of itself, but the dummy rounds keep it from shredding anything.

The helos made a few passes, and every time the mount scanned, tracked, locked, illuminated and fired. The bridge officers were cheering and patting me on the back. they also were begging to find out "what I had done" to the mounts to be able to shoot helos.

Truth is I did nothing.

The helo jocks were bitching over coms about how I cheated. Everyone knows "Cheese Whiz" can't shoot helos, they are too slow. Yet, every inbound pass, my outdated Block 0 gun mounts opend up on the poor frustrated bastards.


That evening, the helo jocks showed up in the mess decks.

People gathered round to hear how I had done it.

The pilots claimed I cheated.
I explained I had not cheated, and that I had never gotten a lock on a helo.
Everyone argued I had.
I repeated the truth. I never got a lock on the helo. Ever.

The jocks stated that if that was the case, they wouldn't pay.

I explained the bet was whether or not CIWS can shoot down helos.

Everyone agreed this was true.

The jocks, confused, took the bait.

Well if you didn't get a lock as you claim, you couldn't have shot us down. We still win.


I replied, "Really? How far can you fly without rotors?"


There was silence, followed by laughter at the jocks reaction.

I later showed them the data record I made on the CIWS computer. It was my proof they had to pay. It clearly showed the radar outputs. It also showed I was not lying. I never did ge a lock on the helos. They were moving too slow. The ends of the rotors however, were more than fast enough.


The beauty of CIWS is that it is designed for extremely small radar signatures. If you could throw a tennis ball fast enough, I could shoot it down.

After showing them the record files, I repeated "So, how far can you fly without rotors?"

They paid up just before we got to Guam. I don't remember much about Guam. I do know I was carried back to the ship, completely broke, and so drunk I spent two days in sick bay on an IV...

 

[Wagon]

A fine piece of kit is the SLQ32. Or Slick 32.

Passive... Analyzes every bit of radio emissions data available and details it down to ship, aircraft, or place AND with a bit of Intel the command person in charge of said emission.

Active.... and this is no joke. "Hook and Cook" Lock on to any emission and 1 gigawatt barrage of energy is immediately sent to the sender of any radio emission. (Hence said emission has a catastrophic failure, causing smoking equipment.)

One person has this button on a ship.......... Sometimes they pushed the button..... and denied everything.

 

[Sludge]

A fine piece of kit is the SLQ32. Or Slick 32.

Passive... Analyzes every bit of radio emissions data available and details it down to ship, aircraft, or place AND with a bit of Intel the command person in charge of said emission.

Active.... and this is no joke. "Hook and Cook" Lock on to any emission and 1 gigawatt barrage of energy is immediately sent to the sender of any radio emission. (Hence said emission has a catastrophic failure, causing smoking equipment.)

One person has this button on a ship.......... Sometimes they pushed the button..... and denied everything.

Aye, the Slick 32, the US Navy's anti-radar radar. Sometimes I wish the county had had it. Instead we had the "Red October" defense system....put out some of the lights, switch to a single screw, and send the Ukrainian Helmsman down to radio to sing traditional songs in his mother tongue.

"No navy ship here, just a beat up trawler."


Anyone have any good Snoopy stories?

 

[Jimmy1]

Damn Sludge, your a regular MacGyver. You must have a whole bunch of medals. You should right a book. You have all the jargon right.

 

[Sludge]

Damn Sludge, your a regular MacGyver. You must have a whole bunch of medals. You should right a book. You have all the jargon right.

Only medals I have are the ones you get for "just being there". Never got anything better than a few letters of commendation. You have to be well liked and play well with others to get awards. I was neither. But, I am proud to say I am one of those annoying bastards that can fix anything, anytime, anywhere. Just not too good at fixing myself.

It kind of bothers me that the only entertaining stories I have involve me getting the job done by ignoring rules or working outside accepted practice. I have a few involving me and copious amounts of booze (and one with a monkey!), but that is only because I never payed attention during those "kindler, gentler" Navy programming sessions where they tried to get rid of the stereotypical drunken sailor.


(Oh and "Snoopy" is old school squid talk for Soviet, Russian, and Chinese trawlers, you know, the kind that don't catch fish but have lots of antennas and satellite uplinks on them...dunno if they even bother with that stuff anymore given the nature of ELINT over the last 20 years)

 

[Anglesachse]

Damn Sludge, your a regular MacGyver. ..................

Do you reckon there is a Swiss Army folding Spork on issue, you know the one! The one with the water cooled laser welding attachment that converts automaticaly to Ha-Lo jump kit at 10000mtrs.

MacGyver allways had some thing like that, or am I thinking of the A-Team.

 

[Sludge]

Do you reckon there is a Swiss Army folding Spork on issue, you know the one! The one with the water cooled laser welding attachment that converts automaticaly to Ha-Lo jump kit at 10000mtrs.

MacGyver allways had some thing like that, or am I thinking of the A-Team.

I'm sure there is, but my "rig" to this day consists of nothing but a leatherman tool, a six in one screwdriver, channel lock pliers and a flashlight.

i used to brag we saved a sinking ship with leatherman tools.

 

[Squaddiedave]

Don't go on any deployment or exercise with out mine, we even get issued gerbers now!

 

[Jimmy1]

I think I will change your name now to just XXX

 

[Anglesachse]

I hope you mean Triple X Jimmy and not sex.

I know Sludge was navy and all, but Calling him sex is kinda off cocker, even for an Aussie.

But saying that, he did seem to show a lot of intrest in all those Marines running around naked and in the underpants when all the other squids were occupied with themselves. So maybe "Sex" would be appropriate.

I vote that Sludge is officialy now called, DDSG "Devil Dawg Sex God"

But please do not tell us what tool you allways have with you these days, To much info.

 

[KBar87]

Heres a funny one, this is about the only war story I ever told my civilian friends. My very first mortar attack in OIF I was in a portapod when i heard the alarm. I wasnt getting out and running I wasn't gonna get a mortar dropped on me with my intestines full of shit so I sat there saying over and over again, "I'm gonna die like elvis on the toilet, Damn I dont wanna be found dead with my pants around my ankles"