Future Is Unknown

[Snowflake]

I went to buy a sweater today-the cashier asked about opening a cc with them to get another 30% off. I always say no~but I told her I don't know what my future holds and I have no intention of leaving my husband with an additional bill to worry about if I died.

At breakfast my husband asked about the holidays and gifts for the children. I told him idk. I can't plan that far.

Since this cancer I don't know what my future looks like or how long I have. I mean the cancer was removed and I have to get through radiation but I'm not ever cured-just treatable.

But besides the cancer I am lightheaded and my leg pain/cramps is excruciating at times. I mean what if it's bone cancer too? I am actually scared about my life and future.

So I'm restarting EMDR on Monday for my childhood trauma because I always told myself I need at least one person to know the truth of my past and what I experienced before I die. Doesn't sound fun but it's something I need to do.....before I die.

 

[CDKLaw]

Sorry you are going through this. That's so tough. I am thinking of you and hope you can find some comfort here. It sounds like you are doing the right thing.

 

[Alibongo]

So sorry to hear what u are going through. I really hope u kick this cancer in the ass!!! It's understandable why u would feel like u can't make any plans but just remember this-the Dr's don't always get it right! My friend was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given 3-6 months. That was nearly 2years ago and she's still going! Make plans, do as much as u can, don't let it beat u u can do it!

 

[Iamsensative]

@Snowflake you have to try and take it one. Breathe at a time. I am so sorry you are going through this. You can fight, your future is this moment, right now. Your loved one need , you need to focus on fighting the cancer and moving through that treatment. Going through EMDR at this time might be really tough. Can you just put it off for a little while. Just a thought, very concerned for you. Hold on, sending prayers

 

[VioletButterfly]

One moment at a time - try not to get ahead of yourself or let anyone put you ahead of your own thinking/feelings. It sounds like you need space to just "be" so that you can breathe and cherish what you have that nourishes you in your life; loving those who love you. Being still with this and letting it warm and comfort you.

I can't imagine the emotions you must be feeling and trying to cope with so will not extrapolate. Only here to offer support and prayers, if that is okay by you, for healing and restoration, and for peace. Take gentle care. VB

 

[aut555]

@Snowflake. So sorry l didn't catch this. I agree with @Alibongo. Doctors don't always get things right, but give generalised answers to cut down on appt. time. So do you feel like therapy and cancer treatment at the same time? You have a fighting chance so don't give into that negative mindset. It seems dark but then things will get better. Just do one little thing for yourself everyday. Sending compassion and healing thoughts to you.

 

[Iamsensative]

@Snowflake, just checking in on you. Praying and sending hugs.:hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

It will get get better with time @Snowflake . Remember it is/ was stage 1, thankfully. :hug: :hug: Xox

 

[Snowflake]

It will get get better with time @Snowflake . Remember it is/ was stage 1, thankfully...

Hi-I know it's stage 1 and I am so thankful....but cancer, regardless of stage 1 or 4, changes your way of thinking. I'm waiting on genetic test that will determine if I need a mastectomy and ovaries removed, if negative I still need 6 weeks of radiation. Every pain and sensation makes me think it's back. There is discomfort in my breast every single day. Doctor said once you have cancer it's quality of years now not quantity and it's treatable not curable. But yes I'm thankful it's stage 1.

 

[Snowflake]

@Junebug -sorry if that sounded rude- I am grateful it's stage 1.

 

[Tinyflame]

No need to be sorry @Snowflake , I'm sorry if what I said made you feel like I was minimizing it, I'm not, it's very scary & you are very brave. :hug: I say it only from the perspective of a family full of it, the genetic form, & I work in Health Care, & 'ions' ago was a Genetics major. And if I can say without being politically correct, JMHO, any Dr who tells you 'you will never be cured' needs their head read - that would scare the wits out of anyone. Being in remmission for life is a very great possiblity, if found at stage 1 & treated. One of my good friends who worked for the top cancer researcher where I live said it takes about 5 factors: eg, genetics/ diet/ smoking/ stress/ exercise, etc, possibly less for genetics but not untreatable. And post-menopausally reduced risk for recurrence & easier to treat as you age if it does re-occur. Most people don't realize that Coca Cola will kill cancer cells in a petri dish the first time. :tup:

As far as (naturally) worrying about spread, that is stage 3/ 4, my experience with metatastases is think on a continuum; super bad symptomology, unlike what a person has 'normally'.

If none of this is helpful just disregard. I'm just saying worrying what you'll leave behind will give you, and your H, more stress, which if it doesn't give you cancer will give you eg strokes. And you'll miss enjoying the moments together. :( but give yourself a break- this is new & you're just in the process of treatments. If you weren't feeling this you wouldn't be 'normal'/ human- of course you will see & be thinking differently. It's life changing, but doesn't have to be all bad. It also gets easier to manage with time. :hug:

Twice though, I had growths which went away- I remember how beautiful the sunshine, each leaf looked. :) Tbh, I've had one I've ignored for years. just be kind & gentle with yourself & keep posting here. :hug: :hug: :hug: