Gave Up Fighting It - Started Zoloft Today

[ptsdkate]

Thanks to all of you for the support. I know I'm still in the honeymoon phase, too - but it's going SO well so far. That permanent adrenaline knot in my stomach is now gone most of the time. I'm not on a constant hypervigilant alert. I'm not as angry, not as depressed, not as anxious. I really did struggle at first because of the absence of these feelings - I thought it meant that I wasn't feeling anything. I finally am realizing that I am still feeling things, but they are things I'd almost forgotten how to feel. I've been feeling happy when spending time with my family, able to realize when my husband is joking with me and genuinely laugh in response. He told me today how much he had missed that - me laughing at his jokes. I didn't know how much I'd missed it, too.

I realize that this is the honeymoon time, and that it can't last. I am using this time, though, to work on therapy and heal myself as best I can. I am spending time trying to heal my relationship with my kids and husband as well. And I am actually looking forward to the holidays, to having guests in our house for Christmas. That's a first in a long time for me. I've stressed out to an enormous degree whenever we had company, and have always felt a (self-created) pressure to be the perfect hostess. It's a way for me to assert my power and control over the situation - so of course, if anything goes wrong, I come apart at the seams. But my brother-in-law came to visit a few days ago, and I was able to simply relax and enjoy his company, not worrying about whether everything was perfect. It was so liberating.

I'm excited to see what my therapist and I can achieve, now that I have the anxiety and depression locked outside the door for now. And I'm so enjoying being happy with my family again. Long may this last!

 

[Nicolette]

Please read/learn as much as you can about your medications and the side effects. My doc says I most likely will never be given another SSRI due to past suicidal incidents.

I can't tolerate anything from the 'old school SSRI family'.... every one of them made me sick as a dog within 24 hours and I knew I wasn't right. The doctors said wait one/two weeks....I stopped immediately as I was worse than before. The ones I ended up taking made little difference other than I could go to work and wasn't a mess in the head. :rolleyes:

 

[LSNP]

Kate..... <HUGS!> So happy for you. Could have written your post. ;)

Nicolette..... Celexa isn't really an "old school," is it? I wish something would work as well for you. I have not yet started the addition of Wellbutrin because I am feeling better...... but we will see. Good luck and <HUGS!> to you, too.

 

[Nicolette]

LSNP, I'm not sure, I was just paraprashing my doctor. The medication I take is not the same as the original structure (different family) to SSRIs is all I know.

Celexa is an antidepressant in a group of drugs called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). It works by restoring the balance of serotonin, a natural occuring substance found in the brain, which helps to improve certain mood problems. Celexa is used to treat depression.

I was taking Moclobemide (sold as Aurorix, Manerix) and it is a monoamine oxidase inhibitor (MAOI) drug primarily used to treat depression and social anxiety. (Wikipedia)

What do the new antidepressants do?
By selectively inhibiting the metabolism of noradrenaline and serotonin, moclobemide increases their concentrations in the brain. This is believed to enhance amine transmission and improve depression. Moclobemide could be seen as a functional derivative of the old MAOIs, although it is structurally different and does not have the significant food or drug interactions of the MAOIs.(australian prescriber)

It's all French to me - I just know the first structure type did not like me nor me like it. :rolleyes: Second structure worked but on half the daily dosage.

I would also have start the day on 5 mg of Valium to be able to get out the door and sometimes 2mg after lunch if in a stressful working environment.

To be honest LSNP I know little about the drugs but reached a point where I sat here, dry retching and couldn't face the world needing to work. I was asked to try medication and was even told to give therapy a break until I got back on track.

 

[LSNP]

From my semi-limited understanding (though I am a research fanatic, I'm not a chemist), the old MAOIs are no longer the first or best choice... but was the only thing available at one time. I have never taken an older anti-depressent so I cannot share experiences here. I DO know that many, many people tolerate Celexa well and that it is fairly fast acting... one feels a bit better in as little as a week, as opposed to six weeks or more... though, of course, it takes longer for the full effect.

I cannot tolerate Wellbutrin on it's own and NOT in high doses. It acts like a stimulant and nearly made me crazy when I took it to help with smoking. However, I've discovered that in smaller doses, with Celexa, it works very, very well. My biggest issue is that I get to feeling "normal" and "well" and decide I don't need them, anymore. I quit and feel fine... for a few weeks. Then I wonder why on earth I'm suicidal and filled with rumination and anxiety again.

I hope you find what works for you. I would encourage you to try Celexa, if you haven't already. It has been a lifesaver for many.

 

[Jade-]

My doc says I most likely will never be given another SSRI due to past suicidal incidents. it was the Lexapro that almost got me stuck in hospital .

This is exactly why I'm afraid to try meds again. The last one I tried, Lexapro, I was sick for a week, hallucinated, almost killed myself, etc. It was the scariest thing I have ever been through. I was told to never take one again.

But now, meds are in the discussion again. I really do believe I need to be medicated, but the fear of them is so strong that I can't bring myself to even try again. I don't know how to get past the fear and try another one.

Yet, I'm not afraid to self-medicate. I guess because I feel I'm more in control that way. I'm the one deciding what I put in my body, and I know what reaction I will have. The unknown is what scares me.

 

[anthony]

Lexapro has a very high range of users trying to commit suicide / suicidal ideation. I was on the trial for it when it was first released, and on it for two years... I wanted to die every day for those two years.

 

[Jade-]

Lexapro has a very high range of users trying to commit suicide / suicidal ideation

I've never heard that before. So maybe it was just the lexapro and I shouldn't be so phobic of others.

 

[Nicolette]

I took Lexapro for 24 hours and knew it was all bad.....stopped immediately. I have had no side effects to Moclobemide.

 

[Jade-]

If I had stayed on Lexapro, I know for a fact I wouldn't be here right now. Other people I know love it and have no problems with it. I guess we're all different.

It's all just trial and error though, right? I mean we are used as guinea pigs until the 'right' one is found.

I would just like to find one that doesn't make me too high, too low, too suicidal, too physically ill, too anxious, etc. It doesn't have to make me feel normal....just half way normal would suffice.

 

[ptsdkate]

Zoloft has been more helpful than I could have ever imagined. I've been able to really focus on my therapy. I was finally able to blog about the childhood assault that I experienced, in a graphic, detailed account. I've never been able to share the details with anyone, and the Zoloft gave me the strength to post it, and share it with my therapist. I struggled with flashbacks and high anxiety for a few days after that, but am settling back down into a calmer state again. I'm so glad I decided to take this step. :)

 

[been there done that]

All antidepressants have a black box warning the strongest warning a drug can get the (next step is to take the drug off the market) The black box warning is for people under the age of 24 the warning is about suicide.

There has been plenty of talk in the difference between a 24 year old body and a 25 - 30 -50 year old body. Many think the warning should be for all ssri/snri drugs. I think most if not all these type drugs have warning for start up and withdrawal.
My understanding on how they work is not the same as I am seeing here.
Serotinin Reuptake Inhibitors are what has been mentioned on here so far except for welbutrin it is different.

This is how ssri work.
Normally a brain has a set amount of serotonin the body makes it and inside the brain there is a pre synaptic cleft as seen in the picture above.
Serotonin is release into this cleft taken up by serotonin receptors and then the excess is normally sucked back up by to where it was released from. This is normal. When you take an ssri the serotonin is not taken back up but stays in the cleft and floods he receptor. It is thought that too much stress depletes the serotonin the idea is that serotonin in the cleft fixes this problem indeed it may for a short time.

I know more about this and I don't know if you want to know if I should say.
At the risk of alienating people right of the bat I am going to say what I know because as far as I know it is the truth.

When the serotonin is high in the synaptic cleft for a long time the body goes hey that is too high and tries to fix it by shutting down receptors making less serotonin and trying to deplete the serotonin by another method I don't recall well as I just read it recently.

Your body will in time be able to once again find what it thinks is balance in doing so it will have depleted your serotonin shut down receptors and revved up serotonin (gobblers sorry can't think of the name) so when you stop taking the meds you now have a withdrawal syndrome. Going cold turkey off of these drugs is not recommended it can be danerous is what they say.
There is actually a book out called Anatomy of an Epidemic the author says these drugs cause chronic depression and abnormal brain states.

I do not want to drop a bomb on anyone please do not jump to any conclusions do your own research if you are up to it. I have been reading about this subject for the last three years. Prior to that I was on antidepressants for 18 years I could never get off till now. I do not have the answers I am doing my own lab rat study on myself I will let you know how it goes. So far I am three years drug free I am not as functional as I was drugged but I am not as crazy either. I don't know for sure yet what is right for me for now I am doing this. Withdrawal effects from antidepressants are a very tricky thing and can take years to overcome but healing does come in time. I had no idea what I was experiencing all those years was repeated antidepressant withdrawal maybe it wasn't but I suspect it was and owe it to myself to find out so I am working on it.

By three years most people who taper slowly off antidepressants at 10% dose reductions with 3-6 wks in between dose cuts are generallly healed quite well from the drug use. However I quite cold turkey which is generally thought to cause longer and more sever withdrawal.
I am going on information of other people who do not have ptsd so we will see.
Fact is I was not diagnosed with ptsd until after I was put on antidepressants I was given them first for pain in my leg and was in emergy suicidal before I finished the first bottle.
I just don't know yet it could be tho.

I in no way am making a judgement call here I am just telling you what I know. Life can be brutal we all do what we think is right for ourselves I am and expect the same from people here.