Gender of Therapist

[piratelady]

This is more a general question as part of my own curiosity. What gender of therapist do you prefer and why? Honestly, the Sex and PTSD thread and the revelation I've just had as a result of it made me think of this.

I've experienced physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. I'm a female. However, I can't even fathom having a female therapist. That seems odd to me. I've seen a lot of women on this forum who prefer a female therapist which makes complete sense. I feel kind of weird for preferring a male. For me, it's not just therapists, most of my friends here and in real life are males, I don't like female doctors either.

My therapist and I are diving more into my trauma now. It occurred to me a little while ago what I'll be divulging to him. Not in gory detail, but still. It just now hit me that I'll be talking to a a male about this, which all of the sudden seems...odd to me. It seems odd that I can't talk to a woman about this.

I guess I'm wondering how others feel and what their experiences are.

Thanks :)

 

[susannahsays]

Personally? I couldn't tell a man the same things I can (barely) tell a woman. But you do you. You're not the only woman I've heard of who is more comfortable with a male.

 

[FauxLiz]

@piratelady I too am female and I have a male therapist, male doctors and quite honestly struggle with female professionals/providers/bosses in any situation. I have actually discussed this at length with my T that I just terminated with and he and I discussed that it most likely has to do with trust, abuse and neglect issues associated with my mother. I know that it is tough to talk about somethings with a man but I even with all the sexual assaults I experienced starting at a very young age and all perpetrated by males I can't talk about anything with women and I have had to try as I dealt with female T and P-docs while inpatient.

 

[ShadowWolf]

I'm a woman, and I prefer a male therapist. But I was neglected by my father, and I have a huge black hole of neediness related to men in positions of authority. (And for me, I definitely think of the therapist as an authority by default.) I think I have a lower bar of what counts as caring if it comes from a male authority figure, so I attach to them easily. In general, I find it difficult to trust people, but I will push through my fear and take risks with people who I have this reaction to, whereas I don't try to change the lack of trust with people who I don't have this attachment reaction to, and most of them are woman (but also male peers).

So...that definitely has to do with it.

It certainly makes the transference difficult to deal with (I disassociate almost every time if I start talking about my feelings about my therapist), but I don't think I would've been able to open up to a female therapist as quickly.

 

[Chris-duck]

I'm a female and I prefer a female. All my psychiatrists have been male though and my therapist as a teen was male. It makes very little difference to how much I have said. But in fairness I said very little to the T when I was a teen and I'm totally fine with answering factual questions to anyone (appropriate, like in a medical setting) that asks so conversations with psychiatrist are usually okay. I don't know if I'd mind more if I was in a position where I was going more into it all with a male vs female.

 

[ladee]

I am female and prefer female T's and Doctors. I have so little respect for people in general. I don't even think it's about trust anymore. I do like my Pain Doctor, who is male. But he listens. The other pain doc was male too, but my total lack of respect for him just took more time and patience than I have anymore.

I have only had one male T, and we did some good work together because of the type of therapy he did. I don't remember thinking about trust or lack of. But when I brought up blocked out memories, his reply sent me out the door. It was,'well, IF this happened'... which I would have done had a female T said the same thing.

I have been abandoned by pretty much every male in my life. So, like I said, it's more about not having the stamina to build trust with a man. And, when a woman is not honest, or is unsure of herself, I can tell right away. It's easier for me to talk to women as I do not have all my defenses up. I am there to get help and get well, not waste all that energy on the dynamics of a male T.

 

[somerandomguy]

I'm male, my abuser was female, and I've had both male and female therapists. My first trauma therapist was a male, for which I was extremely grateful. My current therapist is female and I am so glad that she is because at this point it's really helpful for me to hear a woman's perspective. She's the best therapist I've ever had.

 

[Innordinate]

I've had both. Never had a preference.
I go strictly by personality- mostly just if they call me on my shit or not.
probably not helpful.
why is it odd you can't talk to a female about it?
It's not odd, just what you're comfortable with.

 

[Still Standing]

I discussed that it most likely has to do with trust, abuse and neglect issues associated with my mother.

I purposely looked for a male psychologist. I had a mentally ill mother who was paranoid, hated me, and accused me of many things I was innocent of. She could be irrational and mean. So, I have a trust issue with women. Men are easier to be around and to talk with. I had two women therapists, years ago and the first betrayed me and talked to my folks about things she said she would not do and the other one was too new agey and she called me a friend and would want to hug me at the end of each session, then I had to write out a check for the session. You don't pay a friend to sit and talk with you. When I stopped going to her, her "friendship" stopped...no pay: no "friendship". So they went into the category with my mother. Avoid.

As for talking to my male psych doc about attempted rapes and sexual abuse, I don't have to go into grand detail. He has heard enough in his practice, that anything I might say to him is not going to offend or embarrass him. So, I am not worried about addressing these subjects with him just because he is a man. Now, if I were younger, I might be tempted to look to him as a father figure but since I am an old lady and he is the age of my youngest son, I can't imagine attaching to him emotionally. He is simply my psych doc.

 

[Emotional girl]

I am female and I have had both male and female therapists.
I have got too attatched to both the male therapists ,I struggle with abandonment problems with male therapists.I have a good understanding why I do this but at the moment I really struggling to say goodbye to my current therapist.
I do crave love and attention from male therapists but at the same time I have worked much better with a male therapist than female.
My current male therapist was the first person in the world that I managed to trust enough to tell that I remember CSA.
I am being referred onto another service which deals with victims/survivors of CSA and I am really not sure if I would prefer a male or female therapist.I suppose for me it comes down to whether I can trust them and whether or not that we have a good connection and if I don't have either of those things then it will not work.

 

[piratelady]

Thank you all for the replies. I don't know why I find it so interesting. It's something I've wondered about for a while, but now that I'm getting further into trauma therapy I..wonder more I guess.

why is it odd you can't talk to a female about it?

I don't know really. It just seems more logical that I would want to talk to a female because it's more likely she would have experienced the same things as me maybe? Although this is PTSD, logic went out the window in the beginning I think.

most likely has to do with trust, abuse and neglect issues associated with my mother.

But I was neglected by my father, and I have a huge black hole of neediness related to men in positions of authority.

Both of these make sense for me. I never had a father figure because I didn't know mine and he died, then my step-dad was awful. My mom and I have never had a good relationship. I guess maybe it does make sense that I'm more comfortable with male therapists.

He has heard enough in his practice, that anything I might say to him is not going to offend or embarrass him. So, I am not worried about addressing these subjects with him just because he is a man.

This is comforting. I've always been incredibly comfortable talking to my current therapist. With my appointment coming up on Wednesday, I'm growing more anxious to talk about the csa. He hasn't seem shocked by anything so far, I imagine he won't start to be shocked now.

 

[Missycat]

Im a gay female and both my t’s are female. I struggle to talk openly about very personnal stuff with a female so i know it would be even more difficult with a male. Its nothing to do with me being gay , its because my abuser was / is male . I have male friends and associates who i enjoy spending time with but i dont share real personal stuff with them . In t it has to be a female due to my history but also the trust angle too.