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Just wondering, for those of us who have gone through sexual abuse, how many of us have had revenge fantasies that we take out on all members of the opposite sex.
Sorry if this is a bizarre question. I'm working through some stuff. Let me know if this doesn't make sense and I'll try to clarify.
Apologies to those who don't identify as being a man or woman ... I tried to add an option for you but I hit the poll choice limit.
I’m female, my primary abuser was male. Been SA as an adult multiple times, again by men (just for your reference as it seems to be relevant to your questions).
My abuse had a religious component, and I do have an underlying mistrust of priests - a bias that I try and stay aware of when forming opinions on a variety of issues. But it’s never gone as far as revenge fantasies against anyone other than my primary abuser. Those fantasies were brief, and (I believe) and somehow an important part of my recovery process - one I needed to experience (anger, in a way), move through, and get to the other side of.
I hope it's ok to reply tho none of them applied. I am a woman and have been abused by men. But have only had one revenge fantasy toward one man. It was only one time. It did help me to not feel so powerless. Sorry if this isn't in line with what you are asking.
But the time I hit the all X are evil, I'm symptomatic as f*ck, annoy the hell out of myself, and need the BS ideation of mine to stop first.
Generally not angry at the sexual abuse bit of it, with any gender, though. I'm revenge annoyed with those that take something/one irretrievable from me, and innocence, illusions, or whatever that abstract, don't rate action. Or the idea.
I HAVE NOT had revenge fantasies against ALL MEN. :D
Not because I’m a saint, or disinclined towards vengeance. The opposite, rather.
1. If I’m going to fantasize? It’s going to be about something fun. Revenge isn’t fun. Necessary, sometimes, but not fun. Like a root canal. I may think on it, I may plan on it, but I don’t fantasize about it.
1.5 If I’m in the consideration-zone? That’s never been an “all” anything. It’s the person or people directly involved.
2. Blood debts are a serious business and I very nearly always collect on them. Forgiving a debt is an equally serious business. Either way severs the link to me, and there’s no need to think on it, further.
So that’s a nix on revenge fantasies, piece.
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As far as men / all men go? That’s never been a thing, for me. My labeling (an extreme form of overgeneralization) & irrational hatreds took a different direction entirely.
I have hated Serbs (luckily that cracks Danilo & Dragana up something fierce these days, but even back when I was learning to stop they were super patient with me. They understood the kinds of hatred born of grief and violence as well as anyone, and never held it against me); crucifixes & the people who wear the disgusting vile things (I can even view crucifixes as beautiful pieces of art, or charming tokens of faith... sometimes. More often than not. It’s rare I kick into blind rage... these days. It helps if it belongs to someone I care about.), certain Spanish accents (some Spanish accents have always been sexy ;) these don’t rise to that level, but don’t sink like rocks into the ‘kill everyone’ zone, either); anything with the texture of bugs in my mouth (FFS, I don’t understand how that’s not normal, and sort of refuse to work on it, on principle), and a whole long list of other things.
I have an attitude that most men suck. Never wanted revenge but close. Maybe strangle a few. ( I have to make an effort everyday to change my thinking) and remember that all men are not bad ( edited the last part for clarification)
I have an attitude that most men suck. Never wanted revenge but close. Maybe strangle a few. ( I have to make an effort everyday to change my thinking) and remember that all men are not bad ( edited the last part for clarification)
I make my husband so mad with this one. I haven't gotten to the effort to change that part yet, especially when my daughter is now married to the spawn of Satan. ( Ok not really but you know)
(Not aimed atcha, your post just got me thinking so thanks :D)
Is I think my one issue with the whole revenge thing... In, by the time it is about me / my beliefs over something, I'm screwing myself sideways & its time to switch tracks. Muds action plans, is too personal, and is (making me) too predictable.
So that is one somewhere I'm disinclined to get when people mean it seriously, because revenge out of issues that can be resolved differently is both a waste of time and effort, and dishonorable.
I don't think mine was 'revenge' as much as at that moment I just wanted him off of me and to SHUT UP. I had a 'visual' more than a plan or fantasy. I figure everyone gets theirs, I don't have to get my hands dirty.
I don't think mine was 'revenge' as much as at that moment I just wanted him off of me and to SHUT UP. I had a 'visual' more than a plan or fantasy. I figure everyone gets theirs, I don't have to get my hands dirty.
Not everyone *gets theirs*. My first husband was so abusuve, almost killed me a couple of times ( for real) He pretty much drank himself to death ( heart exploded) by his own hands. ( we weren't married when he died) but sometimes I think a star opens up ln heaven when someone is real sick and takes an enormous space ( too much space) here on earth, full of heartache.( Some people that are buried need to remain buried)
@Deanna guess it depends on our beliefs. Maybe not in this life. But somewhere somehow. And even if they don't get theirs, where we can see it or know about it, they still had to live with themselves. No way those people have any kind of peace or joy.
