Getting a job is triggering too

[willhealeventually]

After getting laid off, I was put in a panic about how I was going to support me and my two kids.
After hustling to apply for jobs, I got a contract position. I also have 2 potential other opportunities if this one doesn’t work out.
One would think I am relieved, but now I am on a whole new cycle of panic. My biggest worry is having no control over my words or actions when I have anxiety and flashbacks. I am also worried about having enough energy to work a full day, considering I’ve been home and able to take naps.
I am so worried I can’t sleep or rest or relax. The job starts in about 2 weeks and I don’t know if I can perform...
I did survive the interviews and rejections. It was grueling, but I persevered through paralyzing anxiety.

 

[Deanna]

After getting laid off, I was put in a panic about how I was going to support me and my two kids.
After hustling to apply for jobs, I got a contract position. I also have 2 potential other opportunities if this one doesn’t work out.
One would think I am relieved, but now I am on a whole new cycle of panic. My biggest worry is having no control over my words or actions when I have anxiety and flashbacks. I am also worried about having enough energy to work a full day, considering I’ve been home and able to take naps.
I am so worried I can’t sleep or rest or relax. The job starts in about 2 weeks and I don’t know if I can perform...
I did survive the interviews and rejections. It was grueling, but I persevered through paralyzing anxiety.

I can see why you are nervous but tell yourself its two weeks away! In the meantime... Get some medication for the anxiety ( or I would I should say) anxiety and PTSD go hand in . Have you seen a psychiatrist to talk with about this?

 

[Innordinate]

After getting laid off,

how long ago was that? because....

flashbacks. I am also worried about having enough energy to work a full day, considering I’ve been home and able to take naps.

you were working before so obviously you are capable and...

but I persevered through paralyzing anxiety.

thats's a pretty frikin' huge thing to be able to do so you've already managed.

Can you think back to when you were working before- what strategies and coping techniques you used to get through the work day then?

Maybe also recognizing that starting a new job is anxiety provoking for everyone so worrying about it is normal? not saying the intensity or what you worry about is the same but sometimes realizing that it's expected can help.

How did you get through the interviews process? Maybe you can employ the same strategy for the first few days of work or until the anxiety lessens?

self-care for the next two weeks so you can sleep and relax until then.

 

[willhealeventually]

I can see why you are nervous but tell yourself its two weeks away! In the meantime... Get some medication for the anxiety ( or I would I should say) anxiety and PTSD go hand in . Have you seen a psychiatrist to talk with about this?

I am already on medication... :) I’ve literally been on everything and what I’m on now is what seems to help the most, but not when I feel like this... I think the fear of screwing everything up gets to me. I was not able to hold down the last few jobs. The very last job, I was laid off...the 5 jobs before that, also - ptsd was only diagnosed over a year ago but I been through 7 jobs in the last 10 years, half of which I was let go and/or took medical leave from and never came back.

 

[Mach123]

Sorry, anxiety is horrible! I used to go to the gym which helped a lot. I need to get started again but IDK. The relief was a few hours after, but I still got nothing done lol.

You will go and show up and you just have to let things happen. You did great you took action. Now hopefully you'll benefit.

I remember my first trauma therapist listened to me tell a similar story and she said "How do you know something good won't happen?"

I didn't know what to say.

Nothing good did happen as it turns out but it's not SO bad. : ). I hope something good happens, you did well.

 

[willhealeventually]

Thank you for your support. Unfortunately, I have not been successful in my recent jobs. The last one, my ptsd got so bad that i took sick leave. I’ve done that in another job. Several jobs - I was let go or laid off.
It’s all been downhill for the past 7 years when my ptsd flared first. I lost everything.
Now, I’m hoping that the difference will be I have been getting treatment for ptsd. Maybe things will be different. Maybe they won’t.
I am trying to climb out of a pit and I don’t know if there is even an out. I am terrified of failing again. As @Mach123 said, maybe there will be something good. Maybe nothing good. I don’t remember anymore what it’s like to feel success and confidence.

 

[Deanna]

Thank you for your support. Unfortunately, I have not been successful in my recent jobs. The last one, my ptsd got so bad that i took sick leave. I’ve done that in another job. Several jobs - I was let go or laid off.
It’s all been downhill for the past 7 years when my ptsd flared first. I lost everything.
Now, I’m hoping that the difference will be I have been getting treatment for ptsd. Maybe things will be different. Maybe they won’t.
I am trying to climb out of a pit and I don’t know if there is even an out. I am terrified of failing again. As @Mach123 said, maybe there will be something good. Maybe nothing good. I don’t remember anymore what it’s like to feel success and confidence.

Sure you do! ( remember what its like to be successful.) Ptsd says your not. I am successful but for low money. You just haven't landed the right job.... Is what I'm thinking. Exercise does make a difference, if a person has the time.

 

[willhealeventually]

So, I’m actually starting to get excited about the new job. The day starts at 9, which is 2 h later than when I taught. That should help me make it on time...

 

[hithere]

It's no wonder you are in such a state of anxiety. Getting laid off has it's own level of stress that is right at the top of the stress heirarchy. Changing jobs is right at the top of stressors along with loss of a loved one. On top of that ptsd comes and kicks your butt. It's a lot to deal with. Parenting is a lot to deal with.

Panic is a sudden fear of fear. I hope you can put your self in some calm states and positions and meditate on the fact that you did it once, you can do it again. You are doing really well. One foot in front of the other. Times like these is when I use the ole cliche's don't borrow trouble from tomorrow, just deal with todays shit.

 

[Deanna]

So, I’m actually starting to get excited about the new job. The day starts at 9, which is 2 h later than when I taught. That should help me make it on time...

Oh, that's awesome! I'm excited for you too! I like the number 9 as well!

 

[Atticus]

willhealeventually,

best wishes to you, and I hope everything works out for you. I know about the outbursts; I can feel them coming, so I leave the scene, so to speak, for a few minutes (perhaps the bathroom, or a quick cup of coffee, etc.). I was so regretful after an outburst once, and it bothers me to this day that flashbacks can be so potent. My solution, if it happens, in a work environment, is simply to find a breather. Outbursts--at work -- can be catastrophic, as I am sure we can all attest, whether we've had them or not.

Good luck.

 

[willhealeventually]

@Atticus it’s fortune that you can feel the outbursts coming. I don’t know where I am with that. I’d have to be in a position to be tested. I did have rough situations recently that I handled with restraint. I hope that’s a good sign :)