Sufferer Getting Help

[Philosopher108]

Sexual assault survivor. I am not as paranoid as I used to be, nor do I relive the event anymore. After six years, the only remaining symptoms are generalized anxiety, nervousness about human contact, and extreme distrust of others. I also suffer from severe depression as I did before the trauma.

I have recently sought treatment, CBT therapy with meds, to improve my condition. I just opened up about what happened to my therapist in our 6th session. Now he is on vacation for two weeks. I felt really good leaving the therapists office-- like a weight had been lifted. But that night I had intense paranoia and hypervigelence (which I haven't had in years). It stayed with me the next day and has gone back away for the past week.

I decided that I want to reach out to others to maybe find out what's going on. Is it normal for paranoia to return after opening up? I am mystified by this brief return of my symptoms.

I'm also a good listener, and I've learned a lot about surviving rape since the assault. I can honestly say it DOES get easier with time.

Glad to find this forum.

 

[kenziii]

i am not really sure about the paranoia but when i open up i cry and have strong panic attacks ,, i think people have different individual reactions

 

[BlueDream]

I wish I could answer your question, however the hypervigilance & paranoia are always with me. I do not trust anyone. Not my husband, parents, most friends (I don't have many to begin with).
I rarely open up to real ppl. (Everyday life ppl) I find when I do it's too much for them to process, and it ends up pushing them away.

I'm sure there are ppl in the forum who share the same experiences you have, I hope you find their info useful.

Again welcome to the forum!!

 

[Nevermore]

It feels pretty normal to me @Philosopher108 ! I don't open up much about anything but I used to - and suffered the same as you!
I think it's about making yourself vulnerable maybe to misunderstanding or even judgment. I've experienced both and it hurts
But opening up to a therapist should be okay, methinks, as that's what they're there for. And I do think the greatest healing can come when you're prepared to be vulnerable like that.
It's brave!

 

[Philosopher108]

Thank you BlueDream and kenziii. Nice to meet you.

 

[Philosopher108]

Hi to you too, Jojo. What you say makes sense.

 

[expectingbetter]

When I open up in my therapy I usually feel very satisfied right after the appointment.
Then that first night I usually find myself not being able to sleep and I am extremely anxious, excited, disturbed, I even cry and recently I cry only after my openings up in therapy, I can't the other way.

Then I feel like an empty balloon the next day. I have so hard feelings that I barely breath and I can't function well and interact with people around me, I am like closed in my own (horrible) world. It takes me quite a while to get out of it and such emotions, I manage usually just a day or two before the next session.

Since I now expect such reaction I even have harder time to share things there.

My therapy is really hard and unfortunately not helpful at all so far.

 

[intothelight]

@Philosopher108 Welcome to the forum! :)

As you read, I believe you will find the experience of things getting worse before they get better is pretty common with trauma processing. That being said, it is extremely important that you have well honed self-care skills to handle the therapy fall out. I hope you find this site and the support beneficial.

 

[Philosopher108]

Thanks for welcoming me guys. Just hearing my experience confirmed by others makes me feel better. Also, after reading many posts here I see that I am lucky that my flashbacks and hypervigelence went away after only three years. My heart goes out to those who suffer long term from reliving their trauma. Those were the worst three years of my life.

I hope I can connect with others and maybe help others. Especially rape survivors. I am a male survivor who is aware of the special difficulties of being a male survivor. If anyone is struggling with that, I have come a long way in accepting what happened to me. Maybe I can offer some hard-won insights.

Thanks again and see you in the forums.

 

[kenziii]

you are very welcomed , we are here anytime you need to talk

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome to the forum! :)

 

[riverbrook]

Sexual assault survivor. I am not as paranoid as I used to be, nor do I relive the event anymore...

Sorry about you hypervigellence. Sounds too familiar. I too was sexaully assaulted and kidnapped (98). For me it's been a roller coaster. I can't honestly say that it's gotten better in time. For me it's gotten bad.

Speaking of hypervigellence. Mine was unknown to me. About 6 months after being raped. My flashbacks got real intense. They were too much for me to take.

They took months for me to get them under control.

God it was scary.

Later. Hypervigellence. I got in trouble with people because of hypervigelence. (spelling error opps)

For me strangers don't know what PTSD is, and or how to deal with it.

Further. They can be so cruel about it. It's horrible.

When things went bad because of hypervigelence, I got very bad depression.

I'm waiting for my insurance card. Then CBT maybe med.

I was fighting taking a med.

But I figure the first sign of a bad bacteria infection. I'm at the doctors office.

Maybe I'll give it a chance. I hate hypervigellence.

Hang in there with CBT. Your in there doing it. It's gonna feel good.

Know your going to get through this.