Gf Has Ptsd And Has Requested No More Contact.

[Taylor30313]

I understand that way too much than I want to lol! It is really hard being with someone who has never been abused or doesn't have PTSD. Because they're both such lonely situations and like with her right now, their are times like this. And you understand. I don't think someone who didn't understand would care so much. I think they would have given up without a second thought. And i think that's something a lot of us worry about... And while the things that happen to us and our disorders are a part of who we are. It isn't every thing. Which means she is also responsible for her actions. And i think you being angry is how anyone would feel honestly.

 

[Sam115]

This might just be me being desperate at this point, but if I was nothing but supportive for three weeks then sort of lashed out when I was told not to contact her because she is "f*cked up right now" would you disregard all the care and support I put in previously? My biggest fear is that my over reaction will shadow all my effort. I know I make her happy I just want her to know that the happiness can still be there in the future once everything settles.

 

[gone]

I have some issues of my own (childhood abuse) and I told her about it after I pushed her away for a couple days. I felt so (and still feel) so lost sometimes that I almost wanted to push her away for good.

Ok this may be WAY out of line of me, and I apologize if so, but have you investigated your own trauma story?

All my past relationships have been with healthy people and never thought they understood real trauma.

And then you say that and I find myself wondering about the rage, abandonment issues, pushing people away, etc... sounds kind of PTSD-like to me. Just sayin'. :cautious:

On the other hand I think this whole thread is pretty spectacular and should be bound and published in primer form for the world to see.

 

[Sam115]

I do not have PTSD

 

[gone]

Ok, sorry, just felt a kind of resonance there and felt the need to say so. (I'm a sufferer.) i was totally prepared to be wrong.

 

[Sam115]

I don't think I do at least. I've gone through therapy for years but it seems useless sometimes since I can't remember a lot of my childhood...or a lot of things actually. I just know that my problems show in my relationships. I am caring though. Sometimes too caring.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

No, you don't have ptsd. @gone was viewing this through ptsd glasses.

 

[Ronin]

This might just be me being desperate at this point, but if I was nothing but supportive for three weeks then sort of lashed out when I was told not to contact her because she is "f*cked up right now" would you disregard all the care and support I put in previously? My biggest fear is that my over reaction will shadow all my effort. I know I make her happy I just want her to know that the happiness can still be there in the future once everything settles.

You're acting like you're owed something.
You're acting as her rapist was, even in different way, acting like he's owed something.
If I were her, I'd be triggered out of my mind by that. (Ok, barring personal differences because there's things I just don't give a damn about, but speaking about rape survivor possible triggers & where you're misstepping to begin with and pushing way many buttons).
You can't trigger a survivor by disrespecting their boundaries, it's violating and it's abusive and you're not entitled to her anything. Not her emotions, not the relationship, not her body, not her anything.
Get your priorities right or get out.

 

[Sam115]

I am not even disrespecting her boundaries ...chill out. I am leaving her alone. I came here to get some advice on how to deal with a first time PTSD relationship not to be ridiculed by those who do have it. If I didn't care about her and our relationship I wouldn't be here. Anyone would be upset/extremely worried if someone they cared about dropped off the face of the Earth for 3 weeks and couldn't get a hold of them. PTSD or not.

I feel like certain users here act like they are the only ones who have been through trauma. We all have. Our bodies just cope with it in different ways. I am just trying to get inside the mind of someone who deals with trauma in this particular way.

 

[shimmerz]

I am just trying to get inside the mind of someone who deals with trauma in this particular way.

But @Sam115 , she has asked for no contact. That means leave her mind alone.

What I feel you are missing here is that many of us have had relationships where boundaries have been broken - which have led to profound damage that we fight every day. Your girlfriend has been raped. I am not certain that you understand fully the implications of that for her and how your attempts, no matter how well meaning, are actually threatening to her.

Most of us here know that when she says 'no contact', it isn't a preference, it is a need. No amount of hostility or placating will change her need,not to mention her right for no contact. It seems to me through this posting that you feel you are exempt from this rule - feel like it is your right to ignore it. All of the 'I am just trying to.....' in the posts don't justify your continued efforts (it seems) to justify why you shouldn't be honouring what she is asking you to do. No contact.

 

[Sam115]

I still do not see what the issue is. She said no contact. I am not talking to her.

 

[shimmerz]

I just want her to know that the happiness can still be there in the future once everything settles.

I am not even disrespecting her boundaries ...chill out.

Because these are two very conflicting statements.