Celia - Sisu is absolutely right. Our perceptions are through our experiences. It is so so unfortunate that the men we love have experiences that completely alter how they view the world. In a crowded place I see an opportunity to make new friends. In a crowded place, my husband sees an opportunity for someone to hurt me. He does better in crowded places alone than he does when I am with him!
One day after a fight he decided he didn't love me anymore. He said terribly hurtful things and I was completely confused. When I spoke with his T, she gave me the best advice I have ever followed. She said "If he wants to go through this crap stage alone, then let him. Let him rage at and make it all your fault. One day, he'll wake up alone and realize that he's angry without you around, that it wasn't your doing." My fear was that he wouldn't come back, but I had to accept that if that were the case he was probably doing me a favor, as he would still blame me for his anger.
That was six months ago and he has been released from his weekly therapy sessions at the VA. He sees a counselor at the vet center every so often, but has truly made a remarkable recovery. We manage, at this point. It is doable. It just sucks...and it hurts. I love him always, but there are days I really, really don't like him.
Sisu - your posts continue to comfort me. I hate that I'm not alone, but I find so much peace in knowing I'm not...if that makes any sense at all.
