Glad To Find A Place With People Who Can Relate

[thousandyardstare]

I'm an Army OIF vet who served 4 years on active duty and didn't deploy during that time (2003-2007). After I was out for two years I was called back in through the IRR. I was deployed with the Texas National Guard as MOS 00F ("Warm Body") I served with a Field Artillery Battery at the TIF at Taji (the prison) and a little while at Camp Korean Village in Anbar.

I have PTSD mainly from the constant stress of always being on guard at the prison, but also from an assault from a detainee.

I flipped out a few months after I returned home and really freaked my family out. After a couple of suicide attempts I spent about 5 months in the VA for treatment for PTSD.

I've made a pretty good recovery; I can function in society okay. People that don't know my past think I'm a normal guy. My meds keep me under control most of the time. They really help with my anger and flashbacks. However, I still have problems with drinking and anxiety.

I've learned a lot in my recovery and hope I'll be able to help someone else going through similar stuff.

My big issue right now is struggling with the fact that I'll never be as awesome as I was back then. I hated every second of being in Iraq, and I hate what it's done to me and my family, but as I watch myself age (I just had to get glasses today) I miss the double-tough SOB I was back then. I was angry and on edge all the time, but I felt Alive. Everything was important, and now life in the suburbs seems so mundane.

Can anyone relate to this?

 

[atilla]

Yes Brother we all can relate to what you're going through. This site, and these Brothers and Sisters on here, Myself included , welcome any insight you have on what we call the "Beast". Welcome home Bro.

 

[Spock]

Welcome, glad you found us. Check out the media section for starters.

 

[Jimmy1]

Welcome mate.

You have to ask yourself that question mate. What am I willing to do.

Think about the Vietnam Veterans and earlier conflicts. They had no real idea about PTSD until these last 15 or so years. Think about the 19 year olds who returned not knowing what the f*ck was wrong with them.

You are not the person you once was brother, and you have to work with the person you are now.

Jimmy

 

[Lee C]

Welcome mate

 

[reddevil1111]

Welcome to the forum!

We all face those same feelings. And if you read the past posts of others, you can see we discuss it in depth. The volume of info on this site is amazing. All of it from vets with the same problems. No stuffy know it all doctors or therapists.

Thousand, the booze is a coping mechanism. there are other ways. You might know that already... Using drugs and booze only does more harm.

I hope your getting help or working on it.

This site is the best place for info in the interweb...if you get a chance, watch the "your not in the forces anymore" video its also on utube. It explains a lot about PTSD for combat vets. Much better than the VA ever did.

I think most of us are conflicted about combat. We all left something behind. I think we all want to go back to find it. We ache to. I think that returning would only gain more pain for us. The reward of surviving combat is life. What better reward is there? I think that's why I have worked so many high risk jobs for years and years. A lot of us do that. Risk to regain that reward.

Anyway, glad your here. Semper FI!

 

[Sleeping Dragon]

thousandyardstare,

Great name my Brother. Only a Vet. would know what it means.

The rush you felt back in the killing fields is the most powerful drug available to you. It's also the most dangerous. While on it you set aside love, understanding, compassion, all that makes life beautiful.

You have to learn to live without that powerful drug now. Don't worry about being without it. It'll always be there. But each time you use it you'll get a little farther from home.

SD

 

[OldDoorGunner]

Welcome Brother, just an old Nam fart here. You found the the best place to be. Read somethings and take a nap. Let it sink in and come back for more....

J R

 

[Deleted member 43454]

Welcome bro,
We can definitely relate.

 

[Grizzly]

Welcome.

 

[FishNH]

Welcome brother man!!!

 

[Sarg]

Welcome, Thousand!

Sarg