Sufferer Looking to give and get support from people who can relate

[Susan Jane]

I am new here, and have been dealing with c/PTSD for over 40 years. I didn't know what it was, I just thought I was nuts. I used alcohol to keep it in check for many years. I would drink a glass of wine to cover up my social anxiety and fear to be amongst others. I have been in therapy on and off for 30 years. Mostly diagnosed with depression, then finally a new counselor explained that although I am down, the root cause is the c/PTSD.
Going through a heavy struggle at the moment, and having trouble getting out of bed and house. Reaching out for others who understand. I am an abandon child, who was separated from her only sister and moved through 8 foster homes from 10-16.....I guess that might have something to do with this all :-) I still have a sense of humor.

Susan

 

[Riley Jones]

I am new here, and have been dealing with c/PTSD for over 40 years. I didn't know what it was, I just thought I was nuts. I used alcohol to keep it in check for many years. I would drink a glass of wine to cover up my social anxiety and fear to be amongst others. I have been in therapy on and off for 30 years. Mostly diagnosed with depression, then finally a new counselor explained that although I am down, the root cause is the c/PTSD.
Going through a heavy struggle at the moment, and having trouble getting out of bed and house. Reaching out for others who understand. I am an abandon child, who was separated from her only sister and moved through 8 foster homes from 10-16.....I guess that might have something to do with this all :-) I still have a sense of humor.

Susan

Welcome, Susan. I'm so glad you're here. It takes a lot of courage to reach out, and many people in this community will understand your experiences and what you might be feeling right now. Dealing with CPTSD for over four decades is a significant journey, and the fact that you've been seeking help and trying to understand your feelings shows incredible resilience.

Using alcohol as a way to cope with social anxiety can be common among those who've experienced trauma. It sounds like you've done a lot of important work with therapy, even if some of the paths have been challenging or confusing, and it's meaningful that your new counselor has helped you identify the root cause of your struggles.

Your story of childhood, moving through multiple foster homes, and being separated from your sister certainly could play a significant role in how you've learned to navigate the world. It's okay to acknowledge the weight of these experiences, and it’s okay to reach for connection, especially when things feel heavy as they do now.

Our community at myptsd.com is here for you—to listen, support, and share experiences. Please feel free to explore and participate in the forums that resonate with you. Remember that you’re not alone in this, and there are others who can relate to what you're going through. If at any point you feel overwhelmed or need more than peer support, reaching out to a professional who understands trauma might be a valuable next step.

And thank you for sharing your humor amidst everything—that's also a form of strength. We're glad to have you with us.

 

[deno]

It took me a long time to fully understand what I was dealing with, too. That feeling of “just thinking I was nuts” hits home. It’s amazing how we find ways to survive, even if they aren’t always healthy, until we have the right words to describe what’s happening.

Being abandoned and moved through so many homes… that’s a lot for any child to carry, and it makes sense that it would leave lasting effects. The fact that you’ve been in therapy on and off, still searching for answers, says a lot about your strength.

I get the struggle of feeling stuck, unable to move, but you reaching out here is already movement. Even in the hardest times, just showing up matters. And your sense of humor? That’s a survival tool, too. Keep holding onto it.

 

[Susan Jane]

Th

It took me a long time to fully understand what I was dealing with, too. That feeling of “just thinking I was nuts” hits home. It’s amazing how we find ways to survive, even if they aren’t always healthy, until we have the right words to describe what’s happening.

Being abandoned and moved through so many homes… that’s a lot for any child to carry, and it makes sense that it would leave lasting effects. The fact that you’ve been in therapy on and off, still searching for answers, says a lot about your strength.

I get the struggle of feeling stuck, unable to move, but you reaching out here is already movement. Even in the hardest times, just showing up matters. And your sense of humor? That’s a survival tool, too. Keep holding onto it.

Thank you for your reply. It means a lot to feel understood and also accepted . The funny thing about this all is, it took me almost my entire life to believe my “trauma” was the reason I suffered. It felt like if I accepted it, then what happened was really true and that was and still is panic provoking.

Please reach out if you are feeling stuck as well, I find compassion and understanding is the best way to help myself and others Thanks again …

 

[deno]

Your journey highlights how long it can take to fully acknowledge trauma, not just logically but emotionally. That moment of accepting, this really happened to me, can be terrifying because it makes everything undeniable. It’s like crossing a threshold where there’s no going back to minimizing, rationalizing, or doubting your own experience.

I completely understand that feeling of panic that can come with acceptance. It’s almost like once you acknowledge the truth, you’re left wondering, What now? How do I live with this knowledge? But in my experience, once the initial shock settles, there’s also a strange kind of relief—because even if it’s painful, at least it’s real. And once something is real, you can start figuring out what to do with it.

I really appreciate your offer to connect when feeling stuck. That kind of compassion is exactly what breaks the isolation that trauma often creates. Have you found that sharing your experiences with certain people has helped you feel more understood, or has it been more of an internal process for you?

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum

 

[Susan Jane]

Your journey highlights how long it can take to fully acknowledge trauma, not just logically but emotionally. That moment of accepting, this really happened to me, can be terrifying because it makes everything undeniable. It’s like crossing a threshold where there’s no going back to minimizing, rationalizing, or doubting your own experience.

I completely understand that feeling of panic that can come with acceptance. It’s almost like once you acknowledge the truth, you’re left wondering, What now? How do I live with this knowledge? But in my experience, once the initial shock settles, there’s also a strange kind of relief—because even if it’s painful, at least it’s real. And once something is real, you can start figuring out what to do with it.

I really appreciate your offer to connect when feeling stuck. That kind of compassion is exactly what breaks the isolation that trauma often creates. Have you found that sharing your experiences with certain people has helped you feel more understood, or has it been more of an internal

Mostly internal, as I had never understood what was going on. I am going through a heavy time at the moment, I am stuck in bed most of the day with anxiety. I stopped eating and feel like a cat with its eyes in the headlights of an oncoming car. I am feeling pretty rough. Will answer more this afternoon when I usually feel a bit better. Thank you for your support.

 

[Susan Jane]

Welcome to the forum

Thank you

 

[mamachick]

Welcome Susan. Glad you are seeking out support here and Im sure you will find so much of what you relate to. I agree, it is so hard to accept that trauma is responsible for so much of what goes on with us. I was doing great until almost 50 and had some trauma. I guess it triggered something bigger....my response was to extreme for what it was. Then in a couple years, a repeat, then another. I was putting myself in situations that brought back trauma for me. I stopped that, but do other things that are unhealthy. I too am struggling to get out of bed. While I have some physical stuff going on, I know it has to be psychological. It all becomes so confusing and on some level I have given up, and am ashamed of that. To top things off, I have a masters in counseling and the knowledge it too much some times. The saying, if you represent yourself you have a fool for an attorney, well, its hard not to attempt to be your own therapist. lol. I use humor as a coping mechanism to, and its the best tool I have sometimes.

 

[Susan Jane]

Welcome Susan. Glad you are seeking out support here and Im sure you will find so much of what you relate to. I agree, it is so hard to accept that trauma is responsible for so much of what goes on with us. I was doing great until almost 50 and had some trauma. I guess it triggered something bigger....my response was to extreme for what it was. Then in a couple years, a repeat, then another. I was putting myself in situations that brought back trauma for me. I stopped that, but do other things that are unhealthy. I too am struggling to get out of bed. While I have some physical stuff going on, I know it has to be psychological. It all becomes so confusing and on some level I have given up, and am ashamed of that. To top things off, I have a masters in counseling and the knowledge it too much some times. The saying, if you represent yourself you have a fool for an attorney, well, its hard not to attempt to be your own therapist. lol. I use humor as a coping mechanism to, and its the best tool I have sometimes.

I understand I have been in therapy on and off for so long I sometimes think I should already know all the techniques. However, here I am in bed again. The covers make me feel safe for a bit, before another wave of fear comes. Trauma is very hard to accept, and I understand your feeling confused and ashamed. I feel ashamed as well. I also feel like this trigger shouldn’t have put me back here, but obviously it did. Maybe we are both a bit hard on ourselves Thank you for your post, it helps me to get and give understanding and compassion Susan

 

[arfie]

hello susan. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

30 years ago, in 1995, the ptsd dx was still formulating. in 1992, i was in psychotherapy at the veteran's administration when the first in-house article on ptsd was first published. it was another few years before the radical new theory set had formalized far enough for veterans, like myself, to start being reclassified as ptsd patients. from 1972 to around the turn of the millennium i had been receiving treatment for bipolar. i still use most of the tools i learned in bipolar treatment. they work when i work them. i don't much care which department i got them from.

in the rapid cycling of psych dx'es i have lived with since 1972, i often find myself craving the simplicity of being JPC. just plain crazy. i opine that JPC covers allot more ground far more colorfully than any of the over-formulated psych theories. it can be allot funner, too, when processed with gentle, compassionate humor.

oopsie. . . did i go off-topic AGAIN?

i mostly wanted to welcome you aboard. i hope you find stabilizing companionship here.

 

[Susan Jane]

hello susan. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

30 years ago, in 1995, the ptsd dx was still formulating. in 1992, i was in psychotherapy at the veteran's administration when the first in-house article on ptsd was first published. it was another few years before the radical new theory set had formalized far enough for veterans, like myself, to start being reclassified as ptsd patients. from 1972 to around the turn of the millennium i had been receiving treatment for bipolar. i still use most of the tools i learned in bipolar treatment. they work when i work them. i don't much care which department i got them from.

in the rapid cycling of psych dx'es i have lived with since 1972, i often find myself craving the simplicity of being JPC. just plain crazy. i opine that JPC covers allot more ground far more colorfully than any of the over-formulated psych theories. it can be allot funner, too, when processed with gentle, compassionate humor.

oopsie. . . did i go off-topic AGAIN?

i mostly wanted to welcome you aboard. i hope you find stabilizing companionship here.

Hi Arfie, the last part of your message made me laugh and that is always good medicine. I have a quirky sense of humor, just lose it at times in the dark ugh! I can understand your story and if I might be so bold, find half of the terms/doctors/therapists I have met more messy than JPC. Glad you are here too and took the time to write me thanks Susan