Sufferer Looking to give and get support from people who can relate

[arfie]

I have a quirky sense of humor, just lose it at times in the dark ugh!

empathy. one of the ways i mark the taming of a psychotic episode is by my ability to find the gentle, compassionate humor in my plight. emphasis on "gentle and compassionate." my quirky sense of humor all too often carries a vicious, counter-productive edge.

if I might be so bold, find half of the terms/doctors/therapists I have met more messy than JPC.

i started my recovery from child sex trafficking in the early 70's. the 70's was an age of empowerment, especially for psychology and women in the military. in my mind's eye, every single one of my early therapists are giving you a standing ovation for being so bold. we focused on the reframing where we could say, "JPC" like it's a good thing. would we ever have known or loved robin williams without his JPC?

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Welcome to the Forum @Susan Jane
I wish there weren’t a need for such a place but am glad we are here. It’s a special place with special people for sure. I have been a member for 10+ years and have always felt safe and heard.
Reaching out is vital for healing and it’s a lifelong journey with CPTSD but we can learn to ride the waves and thrive in spite of our trauma. I am 68 and still learning and healing. I just refuse to give up or give in.
Blessings to you on your journey

 

[Susan Jane]

empathy. one of the ways i mark the taming of a psychotic episode is by my ability to find the gentle, compassionate humor in my plight. emphasis on "gentle and compassionate." my quirky sense of humor all too often carries a vicious, counter-productive edge.

i started my recovery from child sex trafficking in the early 70's. the 70's was an age of empowerment, especially for psychology and women in the military. in my mind's eye, every single one of my early therapists are giving you a standing ovation for being so bold. we focused on the reframing where we could say, "JPC" like it's a good thing. would we ever have known or loved robin williams without his JPC?

No I guess not. I found him just wonderful most of the time. I didn’t realize his challenges back then, and I was shocked to know he suffered… Like you said he just fit his JPC front. I am not sure how to address your trauma, I can only say I think it amazing that you speak openly about it. As far as your quirk? I understand..

 

[Susan Jane]

Welcome to the Forum @Susan Jane
I wish there weren’t a need for such a place but am glad we are here. It’s a special place with special people for sure. I have been a member for 10+ years and have always felt safe and heard.
Reaching out is vital for healing and it’s a lifelong journey with CPTSD but we can learn to ride the waves and thrive in spite of our trauma. I am 68 and still learning and healing. I just refuse to give up or give in.
Blessings to you on your journey

Thank you AngelKeeperJ, you are so right I wish the same. I didn't realize that there were such groups, so I decided to search and I found you all. I was stuck in the "depression" diagnose and felt I couldn't get out. I feel more positive although in a downward spiral at the moment. I could not equate my symptoms to anything, and that was because I could not admit the truth about what I had lived through and blamed myself....Knowing this has helped me feel I have a chance again. Thank you for your message....much appreciated Susan

 

[PamelaS]

I am new here, and have been dealing with c/PTSD for over 40 years. I didn't know what it was, I just thought I was nuts. I used alcohol to keep it in check for many years. I would drink a glass of wine to cover up my social anxiety and fear to be amongst others. I have been in therapy on and off for 30 years. Mostly diagnosed with depression, then finally a new counselor explained that although I am down, the root cause is the c/PTSD.
Going through a heavy struggle at the moment, and having trouble getting out of bed and house. Reaching out for others who understand. I am an abandon child, who was separated from her only sister and moved through 8 foster homes from 10-16.....I guess that might have something to do with this all :-) I still have a sense of humor.

Susan

Welcome to the forum Susan. So glad you’re here. Looking forward to getting to know you and to learn from one another in order to move forward in our healing journey of everything we’ve been through.

What you have been through Susan is exactly why I chose to stay with an abusive husband for the sake of my children. My son was a victim of a pedophile, and he would have been destroyed in the system. Although it has not been good, this was the better of the bad choices available to me. People wonder why someone would stay in an abusive relationship. It’s just not that simple. Every single case is very complicated and no one has the right to judge the person living in it.
We have survived it. My son is still alive. We are both moving forward and healing everything we’ve been through. So very, very thankful to have found this place to be among all of you who get it.

 

[Susan Jane]

Welcome to the forum Susan. So glad you’re here. Looking forward to getting to know you and to learn from one another in order to move forward in our healing journey of everything we’ve been through.

Me too PamelaS, thank you, I look forward to getting to know you too, ...Susan

 

[PamelaS]

Mostly internal, as I had never understood what was going on. I am going through a heavy time at the moment, I am stuck in bed most of the day with anxiety. I stopped eating and feel like a cat with its eyes in the headlights of an oncoming car. I am feeling pretty rough. Will answer more this afternoon when I usually feel a bit better. Thank you for your support.

We all get it. We have all spent days in bed. Don’t judge yourself. Be kind to yourself and give yourself grace. Do your self-care. Keep doing it. That is your only job right now. In order to get yourself back to functioning you have to take care of yourself in every way possible. That is all you can do and that is all that you have to do. Love yourself. You didn’t do this to yourself, but you can do something about it and begin to heal, one day at a time, one step at a time. Move forward gently, protecting yourself from things that trigger until you can handle the trigger in order to deal with it. I have spent the last two years in a constant nonstop trigger mode, because of exposure to my abusive husband. Finally finally finally I have established safety through boundaries. I have locked myself in a separate part of the house where I am physically safe. And I have used boundaries for two years now tightening them along the way as I have been dealing with constant triggering and a refusal to even acknowledge my boundaries let alone respect them. Finally. I sent him a letter filled with reasons that I am no longer technically married to him, even though I am stuck with it legally, and I am stuck with living in this house for now. Finally! He’s beginning to get it. He’s beginning to respect my boundaries. I’m beginning to stop living in nonstop trigger mode. I just started my first appointment appointment with a trauma informed therapist. Looking forward to moving forward in my healing process. So very, very thankful to be here with all of you. I love you all! I respect each of you. We all get it. The rest of the world may not get it, but we do and we are here for one another. Praying that you will find everything that you need here to be able to gently get yourself up out of bed and back to functioning, little by little, bit by bit, only as you are able. Love yourself first and foremost. Then start moving forward out of that love with grace and forgiveness and understanding for all that you’ve been through. We are all here for you.

 

[PamelaS]

Welcome Susan. Glad you are seeking out support here and Im sure you will find so much of what you relate to. I agree, it is so hard to accept that trauma is responsible for so much of what goes on with us. I was doing great until almost 50 and had some trauma. I guess it triggered something bigger....my response was to extreme for what it was. Then in a couple years, a repeat, then another. I was putting myself in situations that brought back trauma for me. I stopped that, but do other things that are unhealthy. I too am struggling to get out of bed. While I have some physical stuff going on, I know it has to be psychological. It all becomes so confusing and on some level I have given up, and am ashamed of that. To top things off, I have a masters in counseling and the knowledge it too much some times. The saying, if you represent yourself you have a fool for an attorney, well, its hard not to attempt to be your own therapist. lol. I use humor as a coping mechanism to, and its the best tool I have sometimes.

Mamachick,
Keep hanging on. You may be at a low point, but you will pick yourself up again. We are all here to help you to do that. None of us have to stay stuck where we find ourselves. Neither do we have to force ourselves to function. What we need to do is care for ourselves. We have all been through a lot. The majority of people in this world who haven’t been through it have no clue. Even those who are in the same field that you are who are supposed to be helping us have no clue. Some of them do more damage. Be gentle with yourself. Forgive yourself. And vision yourself back to functioning. Look forward to it. You will get there. One step at a time. One little bit at a time, as you are able. Never force it. That may send you back backwards. Move forward gently and steadily. Never apologizing for where you are. Accepting where you are, because you have reasons to be where you are. You have been through a lot. But you don’t have to stay there. And we are all here to help you with your next step. Love you!

 

[Susan Jane]

We all get it. We have all spent days in bed. Don’t judge yourself. Be kind to yourself and give yourself grace. Do your self-care. Keep doing it. That is your only job right now. In order to get yourself back to functioning you have to take care of yourself in every way possible. That is all you can do and that is all that you have to do. Love yourself. You didn’t do this to yourself, but you can do something about it and begin to heal, one day at a time, one step at a time. Move forward gently, protecting yourself from things that trigger until you can handle the trigger in order to deal with it. I have spent the last two years in a constant nonstop trigger mode, because of exposure to my abusive husband. Finally finally finally I have established safety through boundaries. I have locked myself in a separate part of the house where I am physically safe. And I have used boundaries for two years now tightening them along the way as I have been dealing with constant triggering and a refusal to even acknowledge my boundaries let alone respect them. Finally. I sent him a letter filled with reasons that I am no longer technically married to him, even though I am stuck with it legally, and I am stuck with living in this house for now. Finally! He’s beginning to get it. He’s beginning to respect my boundaries. I’m beginning to stop living in nonstop trigger mode. I just started my first appointment appointment with a trauma informed therapist. Looking forward to moving forward in my healing process. So very, very thankful to be here with all of you. I love you all! I respect each of you. We all get it. The rest of the world may not get it, but we do and we are here for one another. Praying that you will find everything that you need here to be able to gently get yourself up out of bed and back to functioning, little by little, bit by bit, only as you are able. Love yourself first and foremost. Then start moving forward out of that love with grace and forgiveness and understanding for all that you’ve been through. We are all here for you.

Thank you. I am becoming a bit hopeful. Take care of your triggers as well, abusive situations are very hard to be in, and no I would not judge you. I have been through some abusive relationships, and well, I know what it feels like Susan

 

[PamelaS]

empathy. one of the ways i mark the taming of a psychotic episode is by my ability to find the gentle, compassionate humor in my plight. emphasis on "gentle and compassionate." my quirky sense of humor all too often carries a vicious, counter-productive edge.

i started my recovery from child sex trafficking in the early 70's. the 70's was an age of empowerment, especially for psychology and women in the military. in my mind's eye, every single one of my early therapists are giving you a standing ovation for being so bold. we focused on the reframing where we could say, "JPC" like it's a good thing. would we ever have known or loved robin williams without his JPC?

How do we respond to a post with a emoji. I have seen some of you do it but it’s not an option for me. Can anyone help me make it an option?

 

[PamelaS]

I don’t expect to be judged here by people who get it, but I have been kicked out of two churches, and have been judged by many.

 

[deno]

Self-judgment is one of the hardest things to fight. It’s like the trauma isn’t enough—we also hold ourselves accountable for not handling it better, not moving forward faster, not feeling stronger. But the truth is, healing isn’t about meeting some invisible standard of progress. It’s messy, unpredictable, and full of setbacks.

Reading through these responses, I see so many people saying I should be better by now or I know the tools, but I’m still struggling. But what if struggling doesn’t mean failure? What if just showing up, even on the worst days, is enough?

Trauma rewires us, and no amount of knowledge or time makes it magically disappear. If it did, none of us would still be carrying this weight. The fact that we are means we’re human, not broken.

To anyone judging themselves right now: I see you. I get it. But you’re still here. You’re still trying, even if it doesn’t feel like it. And that means something. Give yourself the grace you would give anyone else in your position. You deserve it.