Goal For The Day

[ms spock]

I hope to get up and moving again.

 

[ms spock]

Hi Britt and Gizmo,
I am so frozen in my life it just isn't funny. The worst part is that the stricter I am with myself or the more H says the worse I get. I liken it to being wrapped in concrete.

I have been read about this lately. I don't know how not to be strict myself or push myself. How do you manage that Abstract? Any ideas?

 

[Britt.f7]

It's amazing how hard the so called small stuff is. The day to day functioning.

It shouldn't be so hard, should it?

I have managed to open the envelopes yesterday and that is as far as I have got.

I have bills and other paperwork. Some has been put in a bag. The more recent stacks of mail is about 5" high. I'm starting to get calls. I have decided to start sorting things out this week and go through them at least a little at a time. Pay what I can and make the phone calls that I am able to.

the more H says the worse I get

My husband kept trying to get me to go out with him, even for simple things. I just couldn't or wouldn't do it. He was very supportive but I could tell he was getting frustrated.

Berating ourselves only makes matters worse. We have to get pass that if we are to move forward. That is only a block to us if we only think of what we can't do.

Abstract, I often procrastinate. Sometimes I wonder if it is a way to punish myself? Then when things don't work out I'm confirming my negative feelings.

It is so difficult to get out of that rut. But I'm trying. Give yourself credit for the positives, no matter how small they might seem to you or others. Feeling the positives is a step in the right direction.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Fold the clothes and put them away. Mabe go for frappes. Mabe. I have been out already once.

 

[Ayasha]

To get out of my own world, because apparently now my parents think that I'm depressed. They seem to forget I've lived in my own little world since I was a small child.

My overall goal is to go to the bookstore and get some books for my nieces and nephews; I love reading to them and it's the holidays so I can read them the Grinch Who Stole Christmas. I also need to catch up in my journal, something I don't like doing because it documents my emotions and what's happened. ~sigh~ I have this fear a family member will read it.

~Ayasha

 

[Britt.f7]

I have this fear a family member will read it.

Hide it under your mattress.

I enjoy buying books for my nieces and nephews. Last year I found each of them a book that had their names in it. Not an easy task, since I didn't buy the books where you can ad their names and some of them have unusual names. I think it's great that you read to them.

 

[Ayasha]

Hide it under your mattress.

Right now it's hidden in one of my many hiding places, I just have a fear they'll read it although it's a private journal (this happened when I was younger, sadly). I've never tried under the mattress, I may add that to the many places I put it.

That's an awesome idea, getting them books with their names. I bet your nieces and nephews loved that, it always makes you feel special when you see your name in a book or hear it in a movie.

 

[Abstract]

Well it was 6 .30 pm and I had done no more but was about to start. And then we had a power cut so now it is 9 pm. I am now in very serious trouble. The fine is only part of it. It does not look good and it is connected to my business. I am going to have to work through the night but there is still no way I can do it. It's probably a weeks work.

I don't know how not to be strict myself or push myself. How do you manage that Abstract? Any ideas?

Hi Ms Spock,
I think this is part of the core of the problem isn't it? There is such an automatic loop of self hatred and harshness that is set off so easily that it is hard to do anything without doing so. And with it comes intense fear. It has nothing to do with perfectionism or fear of doing it properly for me. I waged the perfectionism battle and have it under control. I read something on Pete Walkers site that struck a cord. That as I am stuck in a type of freeze loop. The more pressure the more freeze. And so the balance and getting moving is very tricky.

The thing that has worked best is speaking to myself as if I am a very small child with endearments and comfort and encouragement. Would look nuts to anyone watching. But that doesn't always work and sometimes doing it seems unbearable.

I am really sorry you struggle too.

 

[Abstract]

. Some has been put in a bag. The more recent stacks of mail is about 5" high. I just couldn't or wouldn't do it. He was very supportive but I could tell he was getting frustrated.
Berating ourselves only makes matters worse. Feeling the positives is a step in the right direction.

I relate a lot Britt. I am sorry you deal with this. It is hard to feel anything positive about oneself if this is what is happening. I have bags of post from way back that have not been opened. I try to do everything on direct debit etc if possible as it is the only way to function. I have also tried everything. I have joined groups for procrastination and have researched and researched. I have tried the pomadora technique and done every method possible. The most successful was written by a professor where he advocates pretending to oneself that the most important thing on ones list is half way down and not the most important at all. :confused: A type of self delusion that he says procrastinators are expert at. :sorry:

I do think the positive focus is key. All the normal approaches backfire for me and make it worse. Being told to snap out of it makes me freeze solid.
Hugs and I hope it lifts soon for you.

Its a relief to at least hear others who are similar.

 

[Britt.f7]

Thank you for the hugs and understanding Abstract. Though sad in some ways, it is comforting to know that I am not the only one who does things like this. Hugs to you too. :hug:

 

[Ayasha]

I got the book!! I don't know why the prospect of reading to the kids makes me so happy but I need the happiness when I'm stuck here with my parents.

I even sent an email to my counselor to "keep in touch" as she said at our last meeting. I've never really understood what that means but I guess giving her an idea of what's happened in the 3 days since I got here counts.

Next, maybe I'll actually catch up in my journal. :sleep:

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Watch football, then watch more football. Bookstore.

Stay calm. :)