Going home for christmas (need to vent + help welcome)

[indig0cean]

Hi, I'm college freshman and am about to go home for christmas break. I had a very difficult college semester which caused new trauma + triggered years worth of old stuff. I am insanely proud of myself for even making it out of the semester. No one in my family knows what happened so they just assume i'm lazy, sensitive and "have nothing to be depressed about". My mom constantly tries to find out what im talking about in therapy. I can barely handle a few days at home and now will be stuck there for a month. I fully shut down, and lose so much of myself. I feel trapped because if I keep to myself they resent me and if I open up they get angry, invalidate me and insult me. Honestly I just need to feel like i'm not going insane for not wanting to be around family

 

[anthony]

if I keep to myself they resent me and if I open up they get angry, invalidate me and insult me

There is a middle ground in those words. Just participate with your family, but not share anything personal with them. That way you aren't isolating nor sharing things they can't handle or know what to do with, other than respond negatively. Middle ground is keep the personal to yourself and be with them, talking about anything not personal. Do stuff. If you like to cook, then help with cooking. If you like to play games and someone else does too, play games with them. Etc. All things are normal, but not requiring personal discussion.

 

[Liljulz67]

Hi, I'm college freshman and am about to go home for christmas break. I had a very difficult college semester which caused new trauma + triggered years worth of old stuff. I am insanely proud of myself for even making it out of the semester. No one in my family knows what happened so they just assume i'm lazy, sensitive and "have nothing to be depressed about". My mom constantly tries to find out what im talking about in therapy. I can barely handle a few days at home and now will be stuck there for a month. I fully shut down, and lose so much of myself. I feel trapped because if I keep to myself they resent me and if I open up they get angry, invalidate me and insult me. Honestly I just need to feel like i'm not going insane for not wanting to be around family

You are not Alone,ever.we all have so much in common and really know you set b oundaries for yourself, I feel like this is one Holiday that is so difficult, every year I feel blue but rather be Alone than with my family.i really do not know them.they do not know I'm in therapy and no need to tell them.have a second place to stay so you can get away from them.make excuses and leave and do not allow them to overwhelm you.sounds like alot of toxicity within the Unit.Take care of you.

 

[Liljulz67]

You are not Alone,ever.we all have so much in common and really know you set b oundaries for yourself, I feel like this is one Holiday that is so difficult, every year I feel blue but rather be Alone than with my family.i really do not know them.they do not know I'm in therapy and no need to tell them.have a second place to stay so you can get away from them.make excuses and leave and do not allow them to overwhelm you.sounds like alot of toxicity within the Unit.Take care of you.

Also know you are absolutely NOT going Insane,when you look outside the box you see a clear picture of who's really Nuts,it is Not you.i finally got to a place of not giving a f*ck what they think but I am mature enough and show Class by sending them Christmas cards out of my good heart.even though they never send me anything,I show the healthy me cause that is just right,never expect anything from them.also please know there are some very good Relaxation videos that help me tremendously. Try them when you're overwhelmed and know I am here to Listen,I care.

 

[indig0cean]

Also know you are absolutely NOT going Insane,when you look outside the box you see a clear picture of who's really Nuts,it is Not you.i finally got to a place of not giving a f*ck what they think but I am mature enough and show Class by sending them Christmas cards out of my good heart.even though they never send me anything,I show the healthy me cause that is just right,never expect anything from them.also please know there are some very good Relaxation videos that help me tremendously. Try them when you're overwhelmed and know I am here to Listen,I care.

i just saw this, but i really apprieciate both of your messages :) it's comforting knowing there's other people who are going thorough similar things and don't have perfect family holidays.

 

[Liljulz67]

i just saw this, but i really apprieciate both of your messages :) it's comforting knowing there's other people who are going thorough similar things and don't have perfect family holidays.

You are welcomed.just know I support you.i understand.