Just need to Vent, feedback, support and ideas welcome. Sister in my house to “help” post surgery

FauxLiz

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I haven't been here in a while, I have been fortunate to be doing well in my day-to-day life but the past month has been challenging.

Oct. 30th was my last session with the therapist that I had been working with for 5 years. I didn't want to stop seeing them, however, in the last year, I moved to another state for a temporary job that turned permanent and he stayed with me longer than others might have. I have tried to find a new therapist but I am really struggling. I see no reason that the appointments need to be only virtual and though I would like the option of some remote if it works better for scheduling that without in-person I don't see how to develop a trusting therapeutic relationship. I am struggling to find anyone within a 90-minute drive who is willing to meet patients/clients in person.

So that brings me to where I am now. I had a total knee replacement 10 days ago. My sister came to stay with me to help with my recovery but that has not gone as planned. I was prepared (having had many surgeries before) to need a significant amount of help in the days immediately following my surgery and also had planned for a four-week period where I would not be able to drive myself. Fortunately, my recovery has been thus far what would be considered an outlier. I had to spend the night in the hospital due to some issues with how long it took the spinal nerve block to wear off so that I could get up and moving but from that point on I am at about the 95th percentile for all my recovery milestones. I stopped using the walker as soon as I arrived home and transitioned to a cane. I stopped taking pain meds beyond Aleve twice a day supplemented by Tylenol every 6 hours. At my 1-week post-op visit the Dr gave me permission to start driving short distances but no highways, my PT evaluation the same day had me with a 0/120 degree range of motion (normally this is the 4-month goal). I have walked a mile by myself so I am good.

That brings me to the need to vent. My sister is here until December 10th. I have lived alone for roughly the last 10 years since my youngest left for college. I am not accustomed to having someone else in my house, to needing to carry on conversations and most of all to feeling like a guest in my own place because the areas that I would like to be in I can't because my zen is outside by the pool, sitting in the lanai or on the deck relaxing. My sister smokes and that isn't allowed in my house but I don't want to be near the cigarette smoke.
life
I am ready for her to go home but this is the first vacation in more than a decade and she is enjoying the weather, the plants, and the animal life that are so different from where she lives. and I feel like it would be a bitch move to talk to her about changing her return trip to move it closer than another two weeks away.

I have tried to encourage her to do things, heck she has had my car for the last two weeks (part before the surgery) and yet she hasn't done anything other than visit all the places and things that she wanted to see/do on the internet. I am going to be starting to work a couple of hours a day not more than 3 days a week so even though I am feeling better and moving around I need her to take some initiative. We are supposed to go to an overnight short conference Wed-Thur with her driving me, but if necessary I could take the train and not deal with the drive.

I don't know how to continue. I want my house back, I don't want to feel the need to entertain/babysit anyone. I know that if I were still working with my therapist he would help me talk this through, come up with possible solutions, and how to keep the peace between us.

Support/ideas/encouragement/feedback on how I can keep from going insane.
 
Two questions come to mind. Can you be comfortable having anyone share living space right now? And, do you feel comfortable talking with your sister while explaining specifically what you need to feel at home in your own home? If you can answer those two questions, maybe a lot of the rest will fall in place? Family can be hard especially after extended isolation.
 
Thanks for the support. She finally went home on the 10th as originally planned and I was sooo ready for her to be gone! I know it sounds stupid but she literally did nothing while she was here other than occasionally load the dishwasher. I added her to my Uber account for days I was at work or PT, but unless I initiated a trip out of the house she sat on the lanai and smoked. I knew she smoked a lot but after looking at my recycling she averaged a carton a week. She cooked one meal, Thanksgiving dinner in 4 weeks thank heavens I recovered well or I would have starved or had to live on delivery.

We had several knock down drag out screaming matches, and several times she hinted that boy it would be nice for her, SO, and their youngest (20) to move down here because she really liked it here and loved the weather, her arthritis was better but I made sure that I told her the detractors (expensive COL, highest inflation in the country, things like that) cause I am not volunteering to have them "stay with me" until they get work and a place which would turn into permanent. Argh I wish my therapist and I hadn't terminated in October I am going crazy.
 
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