Going To See A Therapist About Rape For The First Time..?

[Healing Reins]

Hi Everyone!

First of all I hope everyone has had a lovely weekend, and I hope that your week is starting off well! So what I am struggling with is, the last time I was in therapy it ended badly. My therapist got mad at me because I lied to the detective and said that nothing happened when my rape was reported because I was scared of what was going to happen to my abuser. I don't know why I have these feelings..I just do. I believe it is some sort of trauma bonding, but I am not sure.

Anyway..shortly after my therapist got mad at me for lying to the detective I decided that I would not see the therapist anymore. My parents have requested that I go back into therapy (with a different therapist) because the rape is really hard for me. I've been having flashbacks a lot, and even though they aren't long they are quite debilitating. (Also, I'm 18, I am still in high school so my parents do have the ultimate say on whether or not I attend therapy because they are my parents)

I am seeing a new therapist on Thursday and it is the first time I've been in therapy since I talked with my last therapist which was about 5 months ago. The rape happened a year ago April 16th and I don't know if I should go to therapy. If I do go to therapy I do have goals, but at the same time I am concerned that just talking about my issues won't be enough. Is talking ever enough? My goals for therapy are

Goals
-To conquer flashbacks
-Get over nightmares
-Work on having better relationships
-Create and maintain stability in my life
-Find a way where I do not feel the need to talk to my rapist anymore
-Find a way where I believe that I will be able to have sex again
-Hopefully get to a place where I feel like I can report it.

My rape was my first time, and I am still planning to save myself for my marriage but I do want to be able to make out with a guy without flashing back.

So my two questions for you guys are

Questions:
1) Have you seen a difference in yourself since attending therapy?
2) What has therapy helped you with?
3) Did you therapist make you report your abuse?
4) Are my goals, goals that will be able to be reached in therapy?
5) How long does therapy last for you?

Thanks guys!
Hope all is well! :)

 

[Echo]

@Taia12896 - I think the most important thing is that you find a really good trauma therapist. Not all therapists are equipped to deal with trauma, from rape or anything else. There are various different ways of dealing with trauma, so I can only speak about the type of therapy I am having. My therapist works with sensorimotor therapy, which is very gentle. The focus is less about talking about what happened to me, and more about slowly releasing the traumatic energy from my body. Actually she stops me from talking about it the minute I start getting distressed and helps me to ground myself and release a bit of the trauma. It is important not to get retraumatised the whole time.

I think your goals are very reasonable but they should be your goals otherwise you won't connect to them. Reporting or not should always be your choice ultimately. Good people around you will want to advise you and help you see options, but I hope no-one is forcing you. Maybe you first need help with putting your own best interests first. Not doing so can come from low self-esteem or having been groomed into caring too much about the person who did this to you.

Rape was my first time, too, and it is devastating. But it might be helpful to remember rape is not sex and it is certainly not loving in any way. So you can have your first experience of those things with someone who really loves you. And that is worth waiting for. And it is worth having therapy to sort it out first. I wasn't able to have it; there was no help available to me. I'm only getting that help later in life and I so wish I could have it at your stage.

I wish you all luck in finding a good therapist and healing.

 

[Seasounds]

Hello, you are so smart to sort out your concerns. After all, you get to decide what is best for you. Collecting information from myself and others may be helpful.

I do believe that since you are 18, legally, you get to make all decisions for yourself. This is useful because if have a sense that you have to follow anyone's orders, it can cause more resistance, since you may not feel in charge-the locus of control-rather critical for PTSD recovery.

3) Did you therapist make you report your abuse? No, she was knowledgable in how to work with trauma survivors and in how to respect and work with me, 'where I was at', instead of where she 'wanted me to be'. She had implied opinions.

I think your therapist was wrong for getting angry with you. Did it help? No, you left. It was emotionally intelligent to move away from a rather violent and disrespectful behavior. Of course, you would either fear that something bad would happen to the rapist (whom you may know and care for), or you would fear retaliation.

These are common reasons why people don't disclose/protect rapists. It is a survival mechanism, until you can find the safety from, and/or disconnect your affections from someone who is dangerous.

Is it worth considering? Only if you feel safe and want to.

[1) Have you seen a difference in yourself since attending therapy? Oodles, once I took the time to find the right therapist, when I felt I wanted to. I needed someone who would always work at my speed 'patient centered'. For me slower was better, as I would get too flooded with memories and lie frozen for days.

2) What has therapy helped you with? Talk therapy helped with goals like yours and it helped me be able to trust myself, and trust another human being, again, in addition to helping me reduce anxiety, and find my voice, while cultivating self-esteem, and joy.

A different activity that was very therapeutic was Model Mugging (specific self-defense class). It helped me think of taking care of myself first, before taking care of others, it helped me notice the early warning signs of rape-so better to escape, it gave me he right to defend myself, and it put an end to crippling depression and nightmares that talk therapy and meds couldn't thoroughly touch. It 'completed the cycle of fear' (Waking The Tiger).

4) Are my goals, goals that will be able to be reached in therapy? Absolutely, give it time.
5) How long does therapy last for you? It is on going, but this is what I need. Others differ.

 

[Sweethellishlove]

1) Have you seen a difference in yourself since attending therapy? i've seen about 8 different therapist now. I was sexually abused as a child, sexually harrassed all through high school, and my virginity was taken away from me at 18. Most of my therapist tried to get me medicated which didn't work. So far, nothing has helped me at all, instead I feel have made me worse because it makes me feel lost I guess. Like if this professional can't help me and just wants to shove pills down my throat then what's wrong with me? The therapist I'm going to now though is trying an approach no other has tried with me. So far it feels like Hell and I don't know if it's going to work, honestly it's made me more depressed then ever but she promises that it has to get worse before it gets better. She said she has 100% success rate with this program she uses. I'm just afraid I will be her first failure.
2) What has therapy helped you with? It helped me realize that it's not my fault, it made me a lot more aware about how negative I am. Made me realize how many walls I have built up around me and how many rules I have and how I live a sheltered life because of the abuse.
3) Did you therapist make you report your abuse? No, but I didn't see a therapist till years later. I think the one thing that helped me the most was one therapist had me write a note to my abusers how they made me feel and how they effected my life and burn the note after I let him read it. I stopped seeing him though because he became creepy.
4) Are my goals, goals that will be able to be reached in therapy? You and I basically have the same goals. I really hope it works for you now instead of being almost 30 and still dealing with it. Believe me it will f*ck up the rest of your life and your relationships if you don't get help now. Don't be afraid to try new therapist. 6-7 of them might not work but there is one out there for you and I truly believe that. One of them will have a method that works for you...you just can't give up.
5) How long does therapy last for you? It's on going, she said after 16 weeks though I will be feeling a lot better i'm only on week 4 now. I was seeing another for 4 weeks before her, but when she found out about my sexual abuse she referrered me to this one because her program was supposed to be like this stellar life changing experience. We will see.