General Going to See a Therapist...

[blue_eyed_angel]

I wish you happiness and with that thought I recommend you move on and don't even keep calling this guy your BF as in reality he is not and you are only kidding yourself.

I completely agree with you!! I know that under the circumstances I can't make that kind of committment to him. Yes, I do love him, but at the same time my heart tells me that I can't mentally take on the situation at hand.

:Hug_emoticon: to you Nicolette. And a big thank you!!!

 

[blue_eyed_angel]

Wow... These last few weeks have been so hard!! Every day I think about the pain that I cost my loved one. I feel guilty and shameful for the things that I have done! I am feeling so much regret for the things that I did to him. While I know that we are on a break and not together at the moment I am still feeling all of these emotions. He still calls me a couple of times a week. Which I am thankful for. I know in my heart that he will NEVER forgive me for the things that I did. I know this because he has trust issues for women in general due to the fact that his ex-wife cheated on him. And he told me that all throughout our relationship. And that I was the first person he had trusted since then. I so wish that I could take back the things that I have done. But they are done and I can't change them now. Getting that taste of freedom (while it lasted) was great at the moment. I know now that the guy that I slept with only used me for a piece of ass!! And that makes me feel like a piece of shit!! It's completely out of character for me to have a "two-night" stand, but it happened and now I wonder, "now what??" :dontknow:

I cry myself to sleep almost every night because of this situation. Knowing that I screwed things up with a great man!

Our relationship at the beginning was great, but as time passed things went down hill. I know this and yet it is so hard to let go.

 

[blue_eyed_angel]

Update...

I had a really nice chat with my ex-bf today. He is doing quite well. Which is a good thing. I hadn't talked to him in about 2 weeks. Which is not like him because he always calls me at least once a week. But he said that he had not been calling so that I could stand on my own two feet for a while without depending on him. I told him that the self-destructive behavior that I have been doing this last month has gotten to a point where I know that it needs to stop!! I go out every weekend and drink then I end up going home with a guy. (It has only been 2 different men and was the same one twice) I always tell myself that I am not going to drink as much and that I am not going to go home with anyone. Then I end up drinking more than I should and have ended up one weekend staying at this guys house Friday & Saturday night. Then last weekend I went to this guys store that he owns and well you know. I end up driving home intoxicated. I mean I think that I am o.k. But this last weekend I know I got home but I just don't remember how. Which is a very scary thought. And I drove like 30-45 minutes to get home!! And the thought that so many diseases are going around. Yeah I have these thoughts after the fact of the shit that I have done! The guy that I slept with the other night after we finished openly admitted to have been with at least 130 women in his time. Which he is only 28. I am 23 and this guy was #4 for me. That's when I realized "what in the hell am I doing??" This is not me!! But I have anger and hurt built up inside. I know that's not an excuse. I feel so used, guilty, and so much regret. I know that me and my ex are taking a break. He told me to go out and meet new people and I am doing that. I just have gone way over board. He told me that I shouldn't feel guilty for the things that I have done. Not that he condones any of my bahavior. It's just that I am doing now what most teens do. But I didn't do any of this in my teen years, because I was so "in love" with my high school sweetheart and was with him for 6 1/2 years. I know that my "ex" is going to be leaving in January for possibly 3 months. Which is what started our issues in the first place. He wants me to stand on my own until he gets back. He needs to know that I can make it in this world with or without him. And I have gotten to a place where I know that I can! I have realized that I don't need him in my life for me to be happy. The realization is: I want him to be a part of my life. And I told him that if he can get back to a place where he can have me in his life again, that I would love that more than anything. I also told him that I didn't want to do any further damage to our "relationship" by being self-destructive. Because I don't want to do things that he will never be able to forgive me for.

That's all for now. I will post more later...

 

[blue_eyed_angel]

I "want" this man to be in my life. He means the absolute world to me. And I believe there was a reason why we were together. By being with him I grew so much as a person. I was very shy and introverted when we met. But when we first got together that was an accomplishment all in its own. I had been telling myself not to get close to anyone. And we met and I did not have one hesitation on opening myself up to him. There was an instant connection that I still to this day can't even begin to explain. Without saying a word he knows exactly what I am thinking and feeling. Whether we are on the phone or in person. You hear people talk about finding their soulmate. And yes I believe in my heart that this guy is my soulmate.

I just have a few thoughts: :rolleyes:

Do I have a false sense of hope that we can have a relationship again?

Am I holding on to something that can possibly never be?

He will be leaving in January for possibly 3 months, while he seeks treatment for what started all of our problems in the first place. (something medical) It's going to be hard to not be able to talk to him during this time. See here goes the emotional co-dependency again. I so much need to stand on my own right now! I just wish I knew how. How do I overcome the co-dependency? I am aware of it. But how do I stop it? How do I emotionally let go of him during this time? He is working on finding the person that he was. And in the process I need to find who I am and what I want. This is what my problem is!

 

[blue_eyed_angel]

And the story goes on....

Ok so I haven't posted on the forum in a while. I have been taking a break. At last I was still wanting to be with my ex. So things have changed a bit. At the beginning of the month I was introduced to this incredible guy by a co-worker. As a matter of fact it is my male co-workers best friend. Me & a girlfriend of mine went to a bar and my co-worker and his friends showed up and I ended up leaving with the co-worker his wife and his friend and went to another bar. We ended up hitting things off even though we both had been drinking. We have been "seeing" each other about once every week since we met. This guy is amazing. He is 35yrs. old, divorced, and has a 10 year old daughter. Which he plays an active role in her life.

The question that I am posing and anyone with an input would be great.

*~*Do I tell my ex about this new guy or not??? Would it be hurtful or helpful in some way??*~*:rolleyes:

 

[blue_eyed_angel]

Hey Everyone :)

So, I have finally decided to move on. As hard as the last few months have been I realized that I can't wait forever for my ex-bf to finally decide what he wants.

Well, I talked to my ex on Christmas and he told me that he realized that he wants to be with me and has been thinking about moving and that I needed to keep that a possibility.

I finally had to tell him about the new guy in my life. Me and my new b/f started officially dating on New Years. He asked me as the clock struck midnight. It was kinda romantic.

But anyways.. I wanted to tell everyone that I am thankful to everyone on this site for the support that you all have given. I will still stop by from time to time. I have made a few friends on here that I would never want to lose contact with.

Me and my ex has decided to remain friends though.

And right now I could not be any happier :smile:

 

[SammyKline]

i am also going to see a therapist soon for the first time ever. i am not really so nervous but curious... but i know i really need to talk more openly about what has been going on with me. actually i am going to see a psychotherapist...

 

[Tinyflame]

Hello Sammy.

If your posts are any indication, I believe you will gain all the success and progress there is to be had from it because of your great attitude and wise, thoughtful patient open-minded approach.

Good luck! :thumbs-up

 

[simplyme]

I just sugjest that you be open and not intimedated to talk about whatever. cuz thats what that person is there for is to be the safe zone for you to vent or cry or whatever. Keep your head up and dont stress girly sometimes you have to do for yourself and that sometimes means getting help.
Look at it this way. people go get a facial to get the deep nasty outa thier poars for their skins health then they look better.
you are getting a faicial for your emotional health. Getting all the venting all your nasty stuff off your chest to someone who is safe to talk to and non judgemental and wont tell anyone. you will feel better and people will see that and ask you "what have you done diffrently? You cut ur hair? loose wieght? girl your looking good!" cuz all that stress is going to be vented out and you will stop showing it in your body language everything. honny the stress sadness and everything negitive shows.
take care of yourself cuz if u cant who is going to take care of the people you love huh?

 

[SammyKline]

that's a very nice compliment.
but it's not so easy...

 

[Tinyflame]

I know Sammy. Start only with talking about what you're comfortable with. Be selective and trust your intuition. Some people care more than others, and some you will "click" with, some not.

I'm pulling for you.