Got Fired Due To Discrimination

[joealexendar]

I recently got my bachelor's degree from a very prestigious university, and I am in the in between years before I apply to medical school. I had many years of experience in healthcare through working in a very national renown hospital affiliated with the university I did my undergrad in, and the hospital is nationally ranked in 14 specialties. I had lots of good reference from that hospital.

I recently moved to another state across the country because my fiance got into a grad school that is highly ranked in his field, but the school is ranked medicore for everything else. The hospital I decided to work for was affiliated with the school and is nationally ranked in only one specialty, and it is the second best hospital in the state but the best hospital in that area so basically not as prestigious as the previous hospital I worked at.

I was hired as a nursing assistant for the hospital, and I loved it. I enjoyed the nurses and physicians I worked with, and most of all the patients. However, I was in this 90 day probationary period. I really admired my supervisor at first, and I thought she was amazing, confident, kind, and someone I would like to become one day, and I really thought I trusted her even though she is mostly in her office and goes to meetings. During the first month review with my supervisor, she praised me and wrote positive reviews about me complimenting me how good of a fit I am with this job and for this hospital and how smart I am. She also liked that I applied my strong science background to patient care. Comes 2 weeks later, I was shadowing a doctor and the charge nurse come up to me and yells at me saying that she received complaints from some doctors saying I was annoying because I ask too many questions, and I talk too much. I held my tears until I was done shadowing the doctor and went to the bathroom afterwards. I was also going through a lot during that time. I recently moved across the country and was trying to figure out how things work around here, two of my family members were having surgery and one of them was having part of their lungs taken out due to cancer, and I was trying to wrap things up with a messy situation at my previous school in which student judicial affairs was involve. Someone suggested me to go to my supervisor and talk about these to. I broke down told her everything about that was going on in my life, and then I mention to her that I have PTSD due to childhood trauma. So she sent me a referral to the EAP to help me get some counseling and resources from the community. I asked her for a day off so I can see the EAP counselor and sort things out in my life, and she was ok with it. The therapist from the EAP was completely unprofessional and said some completely inappropriate things. The therapist said things like due to my childhood I tend to make bad decisions, and that since my fiance is so smart he probably doesn't have any emotions. She told me she was going to tell my supervisor that I have met with her today, and she had recommend outside resources for me which was a complete lie and she told my supervisor something else that I did NOT agree with and she told her I was not allow to shadow doctors anymore. After that my supervisor perception of me became totally and completely different. She was always worried about me and was treating me like kids with gloves. She told me I was not allowed to shadow doctors anymore. I was so upset and frustrated that I called the EAP hotline to complain about the EAP therapist and they suggested that I get my therapist of three years involve because it would help discredit that EAP therapist because I only saw her once. My therapist called my supervisor, and they talked for awhile. My therapist told me that my supervisor is a person who is uncomfortable with people with emotions, and she kept asking weird stereotypical hypothetical questions about me. I wrote her a super long letter to help communicate my complex ideas and thoughts that I find hard to talk about and it talks about all of my achievements in this job and my goals and how she shouldn't worry about me and I want her to be confident in me and my ability to work here. She saved that letter in her personnel file. Then comes my second evaluation, my supervisor had my mentor nurse come in. My supervisor was telling me how she not sure if this is a good fit for me and wants to make this environment to be safe for me then she was telling me how she believes what the EAP counselor has said about me because they work for her and she waited because awhile to tell me this because she didn't to shake me up, but I would have been completely fine if she had told me sooner like after my day off instead of just two weeks. She give me way less credit on how resilient I could be. She also said when I took the day off she said I was incapacitated which is not true, I would not have taken that day off if she said I needed to work, and I would never have thought that she would have used it against me. She also said since I wrote her a letter that I need to work on my verbal skills. She kept looking at me through a microscope and kept judging every move I made. I ask the nurses who actually sees me work and interact with patients on things I should work on since I work very closely with them than I do with supervisor. I thought maybe if I impress them more since they work with me super close and since I was hired to assist them I would be able to keep my job. Most of the feedback from all of the nurses and they said a lot of positive things. They said I was doing an amazing job, I accept criticism well, and that they thought I was more engaging with patients than I when I first started. I report to my supervisor what they have said, and she took it as if I had bad communication skills and that it made her accusations of me stronger. She started freaking out and accusing me of things I did not do and over exaggerate the situation. She said she never had to work so hard to get someone to fit in. So, I kind of gave up communicating and defending myself to her because everything I would say to her never gets heard and always gets twisted. Then 2 days before my 90 day probationary period was over, she pulls me to her office and there was HR . They said I was not performing up to standards, and I don't have good verbal communication skills to work with patients. Then she tries to tell me what she saying doesn't mean that I am not a good person. She also said I need to find something that I am good at and this is not what I am good at which pisses me off and felt like she had no right to judge me like that. But anyhow I still tried to troubleshoot with HR and my supervisor by asking if I could work in a different department that they think I would be better fitted with because I needed the money to help pay for things. My supervisor says that it's not a good idea I do that with her and that if I want to reapply for a job at this hospital I have to wait for 6 months, and I am not allowed to work with patients at all in any department which basically pissed me off. The HR lady asked if I was a nursing assistant before? Then she goes on how this hospital is a level 1 trauma center. I told her I was a nursing assistant. She was like oh, where at. I told her the hospital I previously worked for and she was shocked. Then I went off on her stating that the hospital I previously worked at is nationally ranked in 14 specialties and it not only has a level 1 trauma center, but also a level 1 pediatric trauma center. The she asked me if I asked for feedback from the nurses and I said yes most of them were very positive. The HR lady had a very confused look on her face. Also for some strange reason I notice HR and my supervisor had this sad face the entire time we were in the office which I find strange. After discharging me from her office, my supervisor had HR walk me out. The whole time I kept a straight face with basically no emotions, maybe with a little anger. I think they were expecting me to make a huge scene by throwing a huge fit.

So yeah, I apologize if I sound a little condescending in this post. I have never felt so discriminated ever in my life. I am not sure what I should do about this situation. I am tempted to contact the human rights commission, but my therapist suggest I not do that especially the start of my career because it can get to other employers and it would make it harder for me to find a job even though it's against the law that they do that, but I guess apparently people are just that shady. I have a journal documenting all the meetings I have had with my supervisor and the things we talked about and things my supervisor said to me and who was there. I also know 2 people who I work with took time off because of personal reasons and didn't get punish for it. My therapist thinks it might be traumatizing for me if I go to court with all of this since lawyers are incredibly viscous. I was thinking of calling and writing to HR my side of the story and have it be saved for my personnel file in case I want to some day have the doors open for that hospital if I were to volunteer, shadow or come work for them but it would be in a different department, but I know that they will side with my supervisor because she's been there for ages. I was also thinking of getting certified because it would make it harder for me to get fired, and I get paid more if I got certified. My brother in law who's a nurse suggested this idea for me. He also said that it might be able to open the doors for me again if I were to hypothetically go back to that hospital. I know most of you are saying why go back to a hospital that treats you like trash? I just don't like the idea of having the door close on me with that hospital and the idea of my reputation being tarnish due to discrimination. The only thing I want from the hospital is to be in contact with the people I actually worked with particularly a certain doctor. This doctor is incredibly kind to me, and I shadowed her a few times. She is a very prominent doctor because she's a head of a certain department. I have talked to her quiet a few times when she peaks around the area I worked in. She asked me what I wanted to do when I grow up. I told her I want to become a doctor. She said if I needed anything I could go to her. I just want to stay in contact with her and have her be my mentor, but I'm afraid that that bridge might have been burned. My therapist suggest I e-mail her saying that the department decided not to keep me and that I would like to stay in touch and was wondering if there's any jobs in the community since I move here not too long ago. Any suggestions and insight about this situation would be greatly appreciated.

 

[joealexendar]

Also I was wondering how would this affect my future employment if I were to apply to another hospital. I was thinking of not putting this hospital down in my resume, but I am not sure if it would show up in my background check since I was employed there for a short amount of time.

 

[Rumors]

I don't really see the discrimination here, but I didn't live it. Most states are right to work states therefore they can terminate employment without fear of retribution of discrimination suits.
I urge you to step outside of yourself here. You have A LOT of baggage you carried in to the workplace. Work is hard enough and personalities are much harder in the workplace. There is what is called the "honeymoon" phase of employees where they dazzle and then the status quo comes out. That is very hard for even experienced supervisors to navigate. You almost have to be clairvoyant to know if someone is going to work out long term or not. Use this as a tool to move forward in your path to a great career and happiness. The first 100 sentences of your post here makes me feel like you are someone who has to prove their worthiness by aligning themselves with successful establishments. It wouldn't matter if you worked in a refugee camp in Bosnia deworming orphans. Loose the thought that working in some top 10 hospital even matters to anyone here on the forum. What does matter is that you are REAL and GENUINE with YOURSELF about your ptsd and getting to the bottom of why failure feels so permanent to you. Everybody gets canned from something! It may be a project, a job, a relationship, whatever, but it happens to everyone. You can't go running out the door screaming "foul" every time it happens. My new saying is "ROAR" Realize it, Own it, Attempt to fix it, and Rock it... Anything beyond that is simply wasting time for you. However this shook out, you need to get to the heart of the matter and why it has effected you so drastically at such a young age. Whether you like it or not, you probably need to own your role here... And then just rock it...who cares? It won't effect your future jobs, dear.
Please know that my advise here is not meant to be something that tears you down, but merely things that I know from experience. I was once very much like you in ideology and I left that crap behind. I could never live up to my own expectations until I realized that no one could. Go fail some more, learn some, lighten up, and don't take life so seriously. It sounds like you have a wonderful career ahead..go enjoy it! Best wishes, kiddo...

 

[Friday]

It doesn't sound like you were fired because you were discriminated against... It sounds like you were fired because there were a lot of problems and drama during your 90 day probationary period.

That's part of what a probationary period is for... To evaluate potential problems. With so many problems out the gate, up to and including ongoing fighting with your supervisor, EAP & HR getting involved, outside therapists, restrictions on who you are allowed to interact with during work hours (other employees, as well as patients)... Any one of the many problems listed would probably have been enough for them not to hire you on.

She said she never had to work so hard to get someone to fit in.

This right here probably summarizes it best. Especially as CNAs are the absolute lowest man on the totem pole in hospital hierarchy, except for New Hires, and you were both. From an administrative standpoint, it sounds like you made them work for your job, instead of just being able to count on you working your job.

Also, to be frank, it doesn't matter how many specialties your old hospital had in comparison to your new one... If you weren't working those specialties. To put it in academic terms, it doesn't matter if the uni you attend has a top ranked college (say #1 in the country for engineering) your new uni doesn't... If you didn't attend that college! As you're premed, not engineering. Those aren't your laurels. It looks good on a CV to have the institution's name on it, to get you in the door elsewhere... But once you're in the door what matters is how good of a fit you are there. Not how prestigious the last place you worked was. Bad fits happen. Transitions can be difficult. Occasionally, everything that can go wrong will go wrong during a probationary period...that would be rolled with if you were a long term employee, but are automatic outs for a new hire. I would take these lessons and move on.

 

[ms spock]

I am sorry you had such a rough time of it.

I wouldn't have told your supervisor all your life story and about your PTSD. It would have been better to have dealt with that all outside of work. Then you wouldn't have been sent to the EAP therapist.

Writing down everything and sending it to your superviser, that is a problem, and I have made that mistake, it is better to calmly talk these things out and what is said will be forgotten over time, but defending yourself in a letter is not the way to go because it can be kept and seen out of context. And it can be reread and reread with further readings assigned to it. Or if you couldn't talk at the time, let some time and space settle things down a bit and see how it goes. People will let stuff go if they can see you are responding to what is being said.

If you reread your post you are doing a fair bit of mind reading and projection. You are assuming that your supervisor is looking at you under a microscope and is judging your every move. She felt uncomfortable with you to the point that she had a witness, so you need to step back in your communication before you push those things that far.

I wouldn't write to HR and tell your side of your story, you will just be seen as a trouble maker and it will be put on your file and you will be seen as not being able to take direction or criticism. You will make it all much bigger than it is.

Just let it lie. Can you see how each time you stood up and "defended" stuff you kind of dug your own hole deeper?

If you could have not reacted so much when the charge nurse was angry with you, and stood back for a bit, reflected, listened for a bit, asked less questions, then people would have seen that you could be a team player, (it is best not to ask lots of questions of people when they are stressed or they can interpret that you are having a go at them,) and then just went a bit quieter and listened more then you could have avoided a lot of grief. Your stress cup was too over flowing for you to make judicious decisions. Sometimes it is best to step back particularly when you are getting direct feedback that somehow you have gotten in the way a bit and perhaps asked a question at an awkward time. It is best not to personalise these things. The charge nurse did not communicate with you how you wanted to be communicated with, but that happens in the work place. If you can stop, pause and reflect then you can save yourself a lot of stress.

It sounds like you were terribly overloaded with moving a long way, cancer being removed from one family member, another one having surgery, a messy situation with the student judicial affairs involved and then all this stress at a new workplace.

Breaking down at work with your supervisor and telling her everything about that was going on in your life, and then your Link Removed due to childhood trauma - it would seem a lot to another person, that perhaps you don't have the ability to manage. And receiving a letter like that could be perceived as an attack by your supervisor, though I know you probably felt pretty attacked by what was going on. I think with some time and distance you can chalk it up to experience.

Don't pursue it - it will damage your working ability. Just let it lie and only talk about it to your therapist or people out of the workplace or potential workplaces.

 

[joealexendar]

Hmmm, you all might have a point. Looking back at my post, I was probably overly charged and afraid about this situation due to the lack of family I have had. I'm so use to seeing things black and white due to my childhood trauma. It's really hard. It's a big blow to your confidence when you get fired from a job. I couldn't help but feel like that little girl during my childhood that every time she failed she was punished so severely. I probably was overdoing it because that little girl in me is always looking for justice from what has been done wronged to her when she was younger. When I was younger, I was completely helpless in defending myself to the adults around me that hurt me that I had to swallow everything that has happened to me. Every time I made a mistake, I was severely punished for it. I guess it kind of manifested itself in this situation, and I might have acted irrational in the situation. My friend said if I were to HR again, I should own up to some of those things that they said to me and talk to them in more objective terms. I appreciate all of you pointing it out to me because it was very hard for me to see these things because my judgement was clouded by my childhood.

 

[Notsowild]

Wow I can't believe you people. Of course it's discrimination. In Canada they cannot fire you for disclosing a mental disability. I was suspended at work and when my union could not help I went to Human Rights. They agreed it was discrimination on my company part. We have a meeting at the Human Rights Comission in April. I would fight it!

 

[ms spock]

Hmmm, you all might have a point. Looking back at my post, I was probably overly charged and afraid about this situation due to the lack of family I have had.

I really know this one well. And this may have contributed to you "asking too many questions" or "asking questions at uncomfortable or awkward times" Doctors think they are gods a lot of the time. Your question may have been innocent but at the wrong time might come across as having a go or undermining a doctor. You missed the cues to stand back and just not say something in a particular moment. So next time try to do the mindfulness thing and respond to what is happening in the now, and not the support you didn't get as a child. Hellishly hard I know, I still can't quite do it.

I'm so use to seeing things black and white due to my childhood trauma. It's really hard. It's a big blow to your confidence when you get fired from a job.

Yet millions of people get fired and they go on. You have it all going for you. And you are able to see how you didn't manage so well in this situation, so you can make adjustments and manage differently next time.

I couldn't help but feel like that little girl during my childhood that every time she failed she was punished so severely.

I feel for you feeling like this. Now you can meet that little girl's needs and separate her out from your adult life. It will take time. This "stuff" was getting between you and the people you work with. When you can withdraw "this stuff" then you will be able to deal with people you work with, as they are, and not as an extension of your family. When you fail to take the cues that someone is giving you in the situation, then you are not part of the team, but someone they have to worry about. Really look into listening and not reacting. If you get upset at work - ring a help line to debrief, ring a friend, don't talk about it at work, get containment and then do something. If you hadn't said anything about being upset about the nurse having a go at you, but you had just gone along, sucked it up, and when shadowing doctors you didn't ask any questions for a few days, they would have seen you as responsive to the situation and someone that the could work with. But it sounds like to me that you needed to have been noticing how the doctors that you were shadowing were responding to your questions, if you could have stepped back a bit and when a doctor was really stressy, just watched and not commented then you would have avoided "you ask too many questions" - you could have asked questions at a more appropriate time.

I probably was overdoing it because that little girl in me is always looking for justice from what has been done wronged to her when she was younger.

I so get this! I really do! I am so there, but in a much more dysfunctional way.

When I was younger, I was completely helpless in defending myself to the adults around me that hurt me that I had to swallow everything that has happened to me. Every time I made a mistake, I was severely punished for it. I guess it kind of manifested itself in this situation, and I might have acted irrational in the situation.

But you can own your part in the situation, work on skills to manage it better. This was pretty good, to learn this at this point of your career, rather than in 30 years.

My friend said if I were to HR again, I should own up to some of those things that they said to me and talk to them in more objective terms.

I wouldn't see HR, let it be. The whole situation will fade in to obscurity. Chalk it up to experience. Focus on the changes that you need to make, rather than their problems.

I appreciate all of you pointing it out to me because it was very hard for me to see these things because my judgement was clouded by my childhood.

You are certainly not alone there

The nurse that "yelled" at you might have been the person who drew the short straw to tell you, no one really likes to have to tell someone that they aren't doing a good job. So next time take a step back. Ask for feedback about what it is that you could do to improve. Don't take it so personally. The nurse might have had a favourite patient die on her that morning, she might have PTSD too, and been highly reactive from the past and not in the present. You don't know what is going on with people. But that someone had to tell you that you were asking too many questions means that you missed a whole lot of cues. You communication was disrupted by your PTSD, and when you can get that under control it will make you a better medical person and eventually a good doctor. And you will have compassion for people who don't respond to this now and stuff it up.

Learning to take feedback without blowing up, or going in to your childhood stuff will let you respond to what is going on in this now.

When you canvassed opinions of the nurses and presented that most people are happy with you, you gave the message that you weren't listening to what the problems were and that is why you were seen as not a team player. We have to take the good with the bad.

When I am highly reactive I react to the injustices of the past and not what is going on in this now. It comes across as arrogant, crazy making or that I think I know best I guess. But people who manage people are not going to go down that road. It is too hard for them. I hope to learn to be in this now.