Grief Vs Trauma Therapy

[HoosierGal]

I've been having little to no success with PTSD counselors. I think several issues are arising.
I've already accepted my trauma - I not longer blame myself, not one bit and not even deep down inside.
I've distanced myself from my abusive family and past. I have full confidence and security that they will never hurt me again, except in the form of memories which will become farther and farther away with each passing year.

Even though I don't blame myself, I STILL struggle with hurt and pain. I find most "trauma" counselors I've seen are helpful, but are so progress and recovery focused. For some reason this has always rubbed me the wrong way and made me feel threatened, frustrated, and more hurt. When a trauma counselor sees and hears that I genuinely accept that I was abused and genuinely don't blame myself, they seem to think I have made more progress that I do.

What I'm starting to realize is that this acceptance IS progress for trauma recovery. But my problem is...I'm still grieving. Grieving for my parents - just 8 months ago they cut themselves out of my life completely, taking with them my younger siblings and drastically changing my relationships with my other family members. So I'm grieving the loss and/or change of every relationships I've built up to now. I'm also grieving the hope I once carried that I would have a good relationship with my parents.

The things about grief is that it doesn't like to be hurried. It doesn't like to be pressured to be this or that percentage better in this or than many weeks or counseling sessions.

I have made recovery from my multiple traumas. Part of this recovery, for me, is accepting that these traumas will always have some affect on me, but I now know I trauma counseling has done all it can for me. I'm going to start looking for a counselor who can help me grieve - someone who understands that my grief is progressing as fast as it needs to, and who will be there with me to listen and help me express my grief and those emotions in a safe place. I'm feeling pretty positive about this step.

 

[Sandstone]

I'd have thought that grieving should be a part of trauma therapy. It is a shame if you haven't been able to do it there, but it is very wise of you to recognise what you need.

 

[zaniara]

I'm with you on this. My therapy was really great(well not FUN, but you know, successful), and of course the grief started coming up there. But it wasn't dealt with much, or at least I wasn't able to get through it much there. And my therapist actually said that it was something I needed to continue to deal with on my own even after therapy. And I guess it's because grief isn't a sickness, or something that can be 'fixed'.

I've had better help in pastoral care, since this isn't about my brain much, but about my heart, soul and about big questions that therapy never actually deals much with. But right now I've come to a dead end there too: and actually was in a confrontation yesterday with my pastor, with him sort of misunderstand me when I was honest about how it feels.

I'm struggling with grief. A lot. And then I actually detest it all, and my self, since I'm so sick and tired of coming back to this point over and over again. The same questions, the same feelings, the same everything sort of..

Yesterday my pastor looked bewildered when I told him how I feel when people talk about me telling God what I want, or thinking about what I want/wish for. I told him that I actually don't see the point in thinking about what I want, since I can't have it. At all. (Except for some small stuff, but not the big stuff I want: the consequences from my past are so severe it's stopping me from moving in directions I want.) I told him what I wanted... some stuff are stuff that I can't have because of the consequences and then there are so many stuff on that list that are stuff that it's too late to have. That my past robbed from me.

But then he had this bewildered look on his face, saying sheepishly "Well, now you are talking about the past, about stuff that you can't have." Dooh!!! Yes, I know it's stupid. And I'm trying to stop thinking about it. But when I'm out and about with more "normal" people(having had a lot of those things in their life, having a lot of the stuff I wish for but can't have) the feelings of grief can sometimes be overwhelming.. And no, I'm not doing so well with "accepting" right now... :D

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack your thread! :oops: