I don't mean dissociation, I mean sitting in therapy saying this terrible thing happened and that terrible thing happened, and feeling as if it's a story I heard about someone else. In fact, I stop believing that it happened to me at all.
I know this is a protective mechanism and I'm trying to accept it, but... wow. Sometimes I get so tired of going round and round. Believing it, dealing with believing it, then not believing it any more.
What's really upsetting me about this is that I'm worried my T won't believe it (not because I have any reason to think that, it's just my concern). Is it really going to help if I've gone into denial and minimisation myself? If I tell her as if I'm talking about the weather?
I feel angry too. My attackers did shameful things and I carry the shame. They're the guilty ones and I blame myself. What they did was unbelievable and I live with the disbelief.
So, not having the best post-therapy night. :mad: :mad: :mad:
I know this is a protective mechanism and I'm trying to accept it, but... wow. Sometimes I get so tired of going round and round. Believing it, dealing with believing it, then not believing it any more.
What's really upsetting me about this is that I'm worried my T won't believe it (not because I have any reason to think that, it's just my concern). Is it really going to help if I've gone into denial and minimisation myself? If I tell her as if I'm talking about the weather?
I feel angry too. My attackers did shameful things and I carry the shame. They're the guilty ones and I blame myself. What they did was unbelievable and I live with the disbelief.
So, not having the best post-therapy night. :mad: :mad: :mad:
