Guilt About Trivial Social Stuff

[Casey_03]

I get all worked up and feel guilty about the stupidest little things that happen in social interactions with strangers. Here's an example: Yesterday I was having a heavy package delivered. I asked the delivery guy to pull right up to the entrance to my building rather than go on a side street. But that required him to park in the parking lot of the hotel next to me. So the security guys came running over and yelled at us, trying to get us to move out of the parking lot. I very assertively said, "Listen, I have a young baby waiting for me upstairs and I'm not going to move. It'll only take 30 seconds." The security guys backed off but looked irritated. And I felt guilty for being assertive .... I mean, for a good few hours afterwards I felt genuinely bad about this interaction with complete strangers.

Then today I notified my landlord I'd be moving out soon ... and felt guilty about it afterwards.

The other day a delivery guy who always deliver my stuff said "glad to see you" while I was walking away and I didn't reciprocate .... and then felt really really bad about it.

What the hell is wrong with me? I never suffered the kind of abuse that would make me develop a complex like this. Could this just be anxiety manifesting itself in weird ways?

 

[Red Feather]

I get those feelings a lot. They are really strong and show up in situations in which they don't really fit in. Or they are just way to extreme for the situation. I am doing DBT Therapy to help me with this. I have really strong feelings of shame or guilt. The situation with the security guy would have been so stressful for me!

You are strong for standing up. It feels scary afterwards but you can be proud for not caving in. The aftershock is worse than actually doing it. In those moments, you can take extra care for yourself. There are DBT exercises you can do to help you figure out what is the source of the feelings of guilt, mostly negative core beliefs that you carry around with yourself. It doesn't have to come from abuse per say, just previous experiences that might have influenced the way you interpret the situation. Do you have PTSD?

 

[rosey]

It is great that you can assert yourself. However if the after affects stay with you then that is not so good and i too am very familiar with that.

For me a big part of that is not wanting to upset other people. As a people pleaser the thought or hurting someone really gets to me. Also one of my core beliefs is that i am never right. Therefore those sort of exchanges leave me panicing that i did the wrong thing.

I too have found dbt really helpful in dealing with this.

I now try to remind myself that others involved in such interactions wouldnt be giving it a second thought it is only my over thinking keeping it going... Let it go.