My parents divorced when I was in high school, and my dad left and started over as a professional astrologer. Ten years later and he's become a new age "not-a-guru" with a large following. He is very charismatic and he helps a lot of people.
That's what most people see.
He treated mom like shit which led to the divorce. Verbal abuse, never physical, thank God. I was an only child and I hid in my room.
But you can't hide from an astrologer, who is like God the Father. He knew my chart. When I was born he said my horoscope was one of a serial killer. I got word of that when I was young and impressionable. Until recently he would compare me to Bobby Fisher, the chess maniac who wanted to psychologically destroy his opponent.
Fortunately I took up music instead of killing. I'm a pacifist, admittedly with anger issues! If you hear this kind of crap for long enough you start to believe it. I lost all my self esteem (bullying and social ostracism didn't help) and began to feel like an evil person. I felt guilty for being alive, and often wished to disintegrate.
Nothing I did was good enough for him. I'm pursuing a career in classical music, which takes an incredible amount of perseverence. He didn't come to my concerts.
The last straw was when i came out to him about my gender identity, told him how I felt in the middle and might be trans. For two years bring up the subject was met with dismissal and interrogation. "There's nothing feminine about you. That's not what I asked you. That's not what I asked you. I asked you one simple question..." After the divorce he took in a fatherless boy whom he could take to ball games.
He would tell me it was impossible for him to hurt me and that I made it up and hurt myself. He said I had no idea how much I hurt him. I know exactly how much. I offered to go to therapy with him to work on our communication, and he shot me down. He had to be in control and he had to be right. He went so far as to call a therapist I was about to see and tell him I was too mentally ill to get treatment. He had to be in control of my spiritual development. I was a Bobby Fisher abuser and he was an emissary of the Holy Spirit.
He admitted he almost "kidnapped" me to get me away from my mother.
I cut him out. I am full of guilt and rage.
That's what most people see.
He treated mom like shit which led to the divorce. Verbal abuse, never physical, thank God. I was an only child and I hid in my room.
But you can't hide from an astrologer, who is like God the Father. He knew my chart. When I was born he said my horoscope was one of a serial killer. I got word of that when I was young and impressionable. Until recently he would compare me to Bobby Fisher, the chess maniac who wanted to psychologically destroy his opponent.
Fortunately I took up music instead of killing. I'm a pacifist, admittedly with anger issues! If you hear this kind of crap for long enough you start to believe it. I lost all my self esteem (bullying and social ostracism didn't help) and began to feel like an evil person. I felt guilty for being alive, and often wished to disintegrate.
Nothing I did was good enough for him. I'm pursuing a career in classical music, which takes an incredible amount of perseverence. He didn't come to my concerts.
The last straw was when i came out to him about my gender identity, told him how I felt in the middle and might be trans. For two years bring up the subject was met with dismissal and interrogation. "There's nothing feminine about you. That's not what I asked you. That's not what I asked you. I asked you one simple question..." After the divorce he took in a fatherless boy whom he could take to ball games.
He would tell me it was impossible for him to hurt me and that I made it up and hurt myself. He said I had no idea how much I hurt him. I know exactly how much. I offered to go to therapy with him to work on our communication, and he shot me down. He had to be in control and he had to be right. He went so far as to call a therapist I was about to see and tell him I was too mentally ill to get treatment. He had to be in control of my spiritual development. I was a Bobby Fisher abuser and he was an emissary of the Holy Spirit.
He admitted he almost "kidnapped" me to get me away from my mother.
I cut him out. I am full of guilt and rage.
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