Hallo From Sweden

[Wagon]

Somehow did not work for me. There is no silver bullet on this one Che. As you may already know.

Education and addressing the symptoms seems to help more than anything. And of course we are all different. I am no expert, but just speaking from the perspective of "waking up" for last 10 months and boxing shadows plus trying every trick in the book my mind. "Know well what leads you forward and what holds you back" I think that is key.

And as you may find out. This is a sight of high emotion. No need for any gloss here. But I am no expert. Just a waffler.

Wagon.

 

[Jimmy1]

Che, I can understand your thoughts on medication. I actually hate taking tablets and tried to remove all medication from my life. I tried medication and all sorts of natural herbal remedies including illegal ones.
I had to succumb to it in the end. I thought I was doing great, but everyone else around me were extremely worried.
So for now, I am on medication. My mind is not numb. Some days I don't even want to think about anything and want to shut myself off, but most days I am fine, just as long as there is not too much sensory input.

In about 5 years, the boys will be finished school and we plan to escape to either the seaside or country and semi isolate ourselves. Once I have removed the majority of the bad stress and reduced the good stress, I hope to be able to reduce my medication.

I know I mentioned medication, but the reality is the therapy. You were right. If you don't talk through your demons and make logical reasoning out of them, you won't be able to file them away as shocking horrible memories.
They will stay in the forefront of your mind.

Cheers mate

 

[Che Guebuddha]

@Wagon,

You said you tried it. Did you try Zazen or did you try another meditation technique?
And if how long and how often did you sit and practice? It is much easier practicing if you have a like minded meditation group to practice with. Keeps you trooping through the dark stuff so not to give up easily.

I will write more about my experience with the Dark Night of the Meditation stuff. This is when many give up saying it "doesnt work for them". On the countrary this is exactly the destination towards arising Equanimity and Joy. No pain no gain ;) My Qigong Master said to me "if it is not difficult, its not worth a bit".

@Jimmy,
I will see how the talking therapy coupled with my daily mindfulness practice works before i decide taking meds.
You see, the Insightand Calmness i got via Shamatha-Vipassana meditation totaly reduced fear from sleeping and panic attacks. It even removed the fact that i was easily irritated by many sorts of noise and sounds.
When i started meditating i needed ear pluggs to be able to calm down not to listen to all the street sounds, the fridge, neighbours etc... Today i can sit on the buss-stop and meditate or in a busy park, or while listening to my customer, no problems. I see the sensory input through its natural Inpermanent nature, it arises and it passes away. Suffering comes to be if i cling to it with Aversion, Desiering to push it away so to find peace. Thanks to calming-mindfulness meditation the body get the chance to heal itself. Body cant heal itself if the mind is weired up all the time producing Cortisol and Adrenaline.

Calming the body will induce the release of Dopamine and Serotonin counteracting the Stress hormones.
But this is not all there is for change to take place. Without gaining dirrect insight-knowledge into the nature of mind phenomena true freedom from suffering will not take place. Through Actual (non-intelectual) Insight we actualy percieve the impermanent nature of all phenomena including the mind content. Zazen or Samatha-Vipassana are those tools showing great results in my experience and those i practice with. They are both practices of Letting Go of all attachments of all form of wanting to alter the reality eg wanting this, not wanting that, desire, aversion.

For true Equanimity to arise one must actualy observe the way suffering Becoms "real".
There is a big difference between our Actuality and Reality. I will write a bit abou this too.

I dont say medication is not beneficial in some cases but those who can manage decent tranquility through calming-mindfulness meditation can try to do without it if possible.
If not, i see no reason why medication and meditation can not go hand in hand.

May you be happy and free from suffering

 

[Jimmy1]

I have a mate that did a Vipassana retreat.

I have tried the meditation and like you said find it difficult to get rid of the other sounds.
Am glad it works for you, but like a lot of things, it has not worked for me.
If it was a cure then everyone in the world with psych problems would meditate. Don't get me wrong though, every therapist I have met talks about relaxing the mind through deep breathing and meditation if you can.

 

[Che Guebuddha]

I understand :)

I will start a thread about the Theravadan Map of Insights. Something meditator teachers talk little about and i see why that is; by knowing about the map there is a chance student's mind will end up cought up in being trapped in daydreaming about it, being focused on wanting to achieve certain levels of Insight. This can become a serious impediment to the practice creating restless stress. Note! It is not the practice which causes stress but the ever clinging mind, wanting and not wanting :)

Even though this can be so I strongly feel that knowing about the Map can bring lots of understanding to where one is at any given time in ones practice. As i mentioned, passing through the Dukkha Nanas (in Pali Knowledges of Suffering aka the Dark Night) can be very frustrating if one doesnt know about it.
Zen masters dont speak about it at all. Tibetans call it the Wheel of Living and Dying (or the Bardo states), the Theravadan Buddhists have the Insight Map.

It helped me alot when i hit this inevitable stage. All the bliss and joy i experienced in the first 6 month of my practice vanished suddenly and all the suffering came back with such a force. I started loosing. People i knew said relax relax calm down follow the breath etc... Didnt work. Turned into a gigantic A-hole towards my wife, every single sound turned into anoying humming in my ears ... I felt like going mad. Until a good friend passed a link to read , he said "mate i think you are going through the Dark Night and is an inevitable stage leading towards Equanimity and further".
I read the link, and my wife who decided to divorce me at this stage read it too, and we could see this map explaing acurately all which took place before the Dark Night and in Dark Night.

This is a good time to start a talking therapy and keep practicing daily for as long as one can (even 10 minutes is fine to keep the continuity). Its also giving heads up to the family member knowing whats going on having more understanding gives more support.
If one stops with practicing while at this stage there is a big chance one will end up cycling through it again and again forever. This is not a solid state of mind. It cicles.

This is not a dogmatic practice but a pragmatic one and all can be clearly verified for oneself. I love to pop up the hood and see the engine for what it realy is and start dismateling it rather than believing that there is a perfect engine under a locked hood.

I will try to find time and clarity to write about this in a separate thread. I too was a bit overwhelmed when i first time read about it.

Be well