Hello all,
I was happy to find this forum just now when I Googled ptsd and indecision because that is a huge problem for me lately.
I have had some form of PTSD for a very long time, but it's only been this year after a number of awful things have happened that my PTSD has very severely impacted my life. I have an amazing therapist, and my psychiatrist is very good even though I don't get to see her that often.
Today was very hard. I left therapy and headed back to the neighborhood where I live, which requires a long bus ride. The bus can be really triggering for me, so I notice myself having a really high startle response when I am going somewhere. I got off the bus to transfer downtown and decided to get a late lunch before I left to do errands. Only I was terrified of everyone I saw (in addition to hating all of them) and started having violent fantasies about them hurting me.
I waited for the bus on a bench, and a guy coming by stopped at the bench to tie his shoe. I was so scared of him. I ended up being passed by two buses, so I just called a cab to go to the library, where I needed to print off some documents to be sent certified mail, which would have required another bus ride. I was scared of my cab driver, though, and scared of all the traffic, and by the time I got to the library I was dissociating really badly. I could not imagine getting on another bus or in another cab and having to be at the mercy of a stranger. But I couldn't remember my library card number anyway, and asking the staff to look it up seemed incredibly overwhelming. A friend of mine happened to come into the library, and chatting with her lifted my spirits enough for me to decide I had done enough today and that I was steady enough to walk home from the library.
I am more peaceful now; I generally am at night. But I am also struggling so much with indecision tonight. I have been hungry for a few hours but can't decide what to eat, so I keep just not eating. There is so much I have to do tomorrow, and I am so easily overwhelmed these days.
That is the story of where I am right now. I am looking forward to meeting you all and hearing your stories.
I was happy to find this forum just now when I Googled ptsd and indecision because that is a huge problem for me lately.
I have had some form of PTSD for a very long time, but it's only been this year after a number of awful things have happened that my PTSD has very severely impacted my life. I have an amazing therapist, and my psychiatrist is very good even though I don't get to see her that often.
Today was very hard. I left therapy and headed back to the neighborhood where I live, which requires a long bus ride. The bus can be really triggering for me, so I notice myself having a really high startle response when I am going somewhere. I got off the bus to transfer downtown and decided to get a late lunch before I left to do errands. Only I was terrified of everyone I saw (in addition to hating all of them) and started having violent fantasies about them hurting me.
I waited for the bus on a bench, and a guy coming by stopped at the bench to tie his shoe. I was so scared of him. I ended up being passed by two buses, so I just called a cab to go to the library, where I needed to print off some documents to be sent certified mail, which would have required another bus ride. I was scared of my cab driver, though, and scared of all the traffic, and by the time I got to the library I was dissociating really badly. I could not imagine getting on another bus or in another cab and having to be at the mercy of a stranger. But I couldn't remember my library card number anyway, and asking the staff to look it up seemed incredibly overwhelming. A friend of mine happened to come into the library, and chatting with her lifted my spirits enough for me to decide I had done enough today and that I was steady enough to walk home from the library.
I am more peaceful now; I generally am at night. But I am also struggling so much with indecision tonight. I have been hungry for a few hours but can't decide what to eat, so I keep just not eating. There is so much I have to do tomorrow, and I am so easily overwhelmed these days.
That is the story of where I am right now. I am looking forward to meeting you all and hearing your stories.
