SpiritFree
Bronze Member
Looking back I can't believe I suffered from Agoraphobia meaning I could not leave my house - period. From 1981 to 1993, I did not understand what I was suffering or if there was a word for it. Why was I unable to leave my house? It started with panic attacks but it got worse that I could no longer step outside even to the front porch and to the mailbox. I always found an excuse to stay at home even if it was my parent birthday or some other occasion. If and that is the big IF I had to step out, I would force myself to gag/vomit before leaving. It simply relaxed me somewhat. I never allowed my family to know that I was suffering from whatever this was. It got increasingly worse, one day in 1993 that even I became afraid of leaving my bedroom. I would get so anxious when I would go downstairs having me to think "What is going on?, Why am I feeling this in my own home?".
Being in my bedroom for 1 week, I thought "I can't live like this. Why God?" Then I realize I had to confront my fear head on. I took some tissue incase I had to gag, went downstairs, went to the mailbox. It was a beautiful Spring day when I did that. As I stood at the mailbox I looked up toward the sun, and omg this beautiful sunshine warmth my body. I have never felt so secure and I felt as if someone was telling me "It's ok, you will be fine". I just stood there giving myself a Sunshine Bath. The next day again back to the mailbox, I kept doing it day after day. Then I walked near my house then to stores until it went away. Since never had an episode. Can it be possible it can return - perhaps. I know as of right now I'm suffering from panic attacks (which is almost different from Agoraphobia) and Depression.
What caused my Agoraphobia - I am not sure, but I suspect the physical and sexual abuse I took for many years from my brother, and others.
Believe in yourself, you are strong because for one you are taking your first step in healing by being here on this forum.
Being in my bedroom for 1 week, I thought "I can't live like this. Why God?" Then I realize I had to confront my fear head on. I took some tissue incase I had to gag, went downstairs, went to the mailbox. It was a beautiful Spring day when I did that. As I stood at the mailbox I looked up toward the sun, and omg this beautiful sunshine warmth my body. I have never felt so secure and I felt as if someone was telling me "It's ok, you will be fine". I just stood there giving myself a Sunshine Bath. The next day again back to the mailbox, I kept doing it day after day. Then I walked near my house then to stores until it went away. Since never had an episode. Can it be possible it can return - perhaps. I know as of right now I'm suffering from panic attacks (which is almost different from Agoraphobia) and Depression.
What caused my Agoraphobia - I am not sure, but I suspect the physical and sexual abuse I took for many years from my brother, and others.
Believe in yourself, you are strong because for one you are taking your first step in healing by being here on this forum.
