Has A Supporter Ever Regained Your Trust Once You'd Decided It Was Gone?

[The Albatross]

I would agree with that if I were not inherently and perhaps irreparably perceptually stunted and skewed. But I'm not.

If I go from my own experiences without the possibility that others have something of value to model/mentor/teach me... then I'd be screwed.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes @The Albatross , my perception probably is skewed. Sometimes. Sometimes it's not though.

I do agree we can learn from each other. But I'm really not out to educate the masses (or even any one person), if it comes up, well fine. But if it's avoidable I think it's healthy to do so. Otherwise I don't think it's helpful. Same concept behind people changing who and what is in their life, I guess. Realizing how things are, being accepting. But reducing what is painful.

Not avoiding, must go to work, lol.

I think others can make strides where I have not. I am glad of that, as I said it's not indicative for all.

 

[The Albatross]

How do you determine when it's skewed? I know for myself it is intensely difficult. The easiest path for me so far is to not indulge myself to presuppose that I can judge evenhandedly and focus instead on what is said or done and is not said. Even to the point of having a conversation about it.

 

[The Albatross]

Selective attention is not my friend. It reminded me of this clip:

Off topic, carry on.

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh @The Albatross that's a funny one. I hope Al gets a giggle too. :)

I guess the 'instructions' of the video are like the Inner Critic. Concentrate on one thing, at the expense of what else?

..focus instead on what is said or done and is not said. Even to the point of having a conversation about it.

Actually, this is what I meant, I do base it on that.

 

[Al_Lurker]

I saw the gorilla.... and lost count of the passes.

SQUIRREL!!!! ;)

 

[The Albatross]

The first time I watched it I didn't see the gorilla and was attending to the people in white and counting the passes. It demonstrated in a big way for me that there was a detriment in some cases that can be problematic. Sometimes I ask myself now what I was attending to and is or was there a "gorilla" in the room? What is the more generally beneficial belief for me going forward?

I also know that my perception of that video is permanently skewed because I anticipate seeing a gorilla. I concluded that for myself, my perceptions can be quite skewed not just with selective attention, but also perhaps more so, by anticipating an event/a reaction/a stresser or difficulty. I further concluded that for me it is largely unproductive and not generally beneficial for me to attend to such nuances unless or until there is a real and direct threat.

The brain gives us more of what it thinks we want to focus on. That was the beginning of the end of my depressive cycling.

 

[Tinyflame]

But- (if @Al_Lurker doesn't mind me asking) - how does one know @The Albatross where the line is drawn, when we're not even aware of what we miss (the gorilla)? Do we not become in essence dispassionate observers who miss what is actually there when there is no 'gorilla'? That is, doubting what we see, know, hear etc. I already have ample self-doubt.

 

[Al_Lurker]

.... I already have ample self-doubt.

But by expressing that haven't you seen what you need to see? The very fact that you've recognized that there is doubt to be had, from whatever source, begins the process of questioning and then erasing (or at least overcoming) the source and fear of that doubt. The 'threat' that @The Albatross refers to (I think) is the surety of that which you 'perceive' without questioning.

 

[The Albatross]

Al Lurker is correct so my own default is to try to be present and open and when perceiving uncomfortable or stress inducing things... extend the benefit of the doubt and when necessary have a conversation however difficult to clarify with the person or persons involved in the situation to receive more information and make therefore a better decision or resolve the matter altogether.

 

[Never Give Up]

WOW - what a great breakdown on the last few comments. I think this is helping me better understand what process's are happening inside.

 

[The Albatross]

@Junebug I'm not saying it's self doubt at all. It's being willing to accept that I am not an accurate perceiver some of the time of event's I observe or hear or even smell really. Knowing that about myself, is the basis for me to understand when I get unhelpful or troubling thoughts or feelings to pause, open myself to other possibilities rather than my default ones, and when necessary take the actions necessary to get additional information. Sometimes it is an inconsequential thing so I consider it extending a courtesy because I would wish a courtesy be extended to me when I am disturbed or stressing or triggering and the people around me may perceive that they are the cause of my difficulty or think ill of me because of my mental/emotional state. Other times, most often if there is an acquaintanceship or more, I am better served having the conversation.

Got to go. Hope that clears it up a little?