Has A Supporter Ever Regained Your Trust Once You'd Decided It Was Gone?

[Tinyflame]

Yes, it does very much so, and it's very kind of you to both take the time @The Albatross and @Al_Lurker . It actually makes huge sense to me. Thank you.

 

[Tinyflame]

@Junebug It's being willing to accept that I am not an acccurate perceiver some of the time of event's I observe or hear or even smell really.. when I get unhelpful or troubling thoughts or feelings to pause, open myself to other possibilities rather than my default ones.. sometimes it is an inconsequential thing so I consider it extending a courtesy because I would wish a courtesy be extended to me when I am disturbed or stressing or triggering and the people around me may perceive that they are the cause of my difficulty or think ill of me because of my mental/emotional state.

I know @The Albatross , that this so true, or perhaps a better word is 'sane' or 'healthy'. I remain at a loss however to tell myself (if I feel it is so) that I have not found sufficient evidence to draw the conclusions I have. I don't know if it's my perception, frequently distorted, or what. If I choose to take it on faith that I may be wrong, I also feel badly because it feels 'untrue'. Much as something reflects badly on me, if it is the truth rather then so be it.

But I really loathe conversations about stuff like that, even on the phone.

A small caveat I guess, I have had (abusive?) instances where I have been treated badly or heard words that "it would be good (better) that I was dead" etc, and I do suppose they have made an impression.

And I think when people walk away, or leave, or show frustration or disdain, or are violent in their speech or actions, or express similar words as above, I should let them walk away. For both of our sakes.

Thank you @Al_Lurker , I will not carry on, I don't want to take your thread off course. But thanks. :hug:

 

[Al_Lurker]

I.... I will not carry on, I don't want to take your thread off course. But thanks. :hug:

Carry on all you like @Junebug . This is not *my* thread, it belongs to all the participants and I think it's stayed with it's original course closely enough. Your words might indicate that you've decided you have a certain lack of trust in yourself. I'm hopeful to see as we go along that will change. Silence can't change anything. :hugs:

 

[Tinyflame]

Aw @Al_Lurker thank you.

You are a smart cookie, too. :) You grasp this stuff better than I do! :nailbiting:

:hug:

 

[Al_Lurker]

Just trying to help @Junebug

Support in life comes in many ways and giving it is as rewarding as receiving. All of you have helped me, wouldn't be very nice of me not to try and return the favor.

 

[Tinyflame]

You are always supportive @Al_Lurker , and insightful. Same to @The Albatross . :hug: :hug:

It's ok, stuff is what it is. Sometimes we with ptsd observe or interpret things wrongly, and sometimes we get it right. I was thinking, some times it's clear and a conversation would simply be to confirm what we know, not sure how necessary that is in those circumstances.

PS, Al, that's cute to say it's 'rewarding'. :) :notworthy:

 

[The Albatross]

Hmmm. Using that predictor again, "a conversation would simply be to confirm what we know." :banghead:

 

[Tinyflame]

I'm sorry @The Albatross , I came back to add (edit) actually. I DO think initiating a conversation is necessary if one needs clarity, wishes to apologize or make ammends, wants to move forward, or the people have mutual responsibilities or obligations.

I still stand by however, if things are obvious enough they are obvious enough for me. I'm not going to ask a question I know the answer to, because actions are the end result, regardless of words. And that's ok too.

 

[The Albatross]

All I know is that I can't know, with respect to other people... what they are thinking about, what happened in their day to day life in the moments preceding their interaction with me or where their priority for effective communication to include vocal tone, body language, or ability to communicate with me are. Just as I at times am more reactive and people can't know that about me.

During times when difficult situations, problems or stress are mounting... I choose to extend to others the very same courtesy I would like them to extend to me when I am stressing, nearing panic, shaking like a leaf, or frozen unable to verbalize. My rational mind knows that I am attempting when symptomatic to squelch a trigger that has nothing whatever to do with the person or people I may be conversing with. I also know that I may be a low priority on that person's totem pole because they are doing exactly the same thing I am doing.... navigating their own life through the day.

I simply can not have the same degree of assured-ness that you do because there are too many potential explanations for the reason I or other people do, say, or show in their body language. But I know about myself from direct personal experience.

But having made the point I wanted to make, I'm not out to convince anybody. I do know that my life and day to day stress levels are decreased when I put a pause in and am willing to entertain other possibilities for a person's responses to me than my default/reflexive/initial reaction (which is more often than not self involved.).

 

[Al_Lurker]

....PS, Al, that's cute to say it's 'rewarding'. :) :notworthy:

"In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.” - Acts 20:35

Despite the religious citation and my own imperfections the concept/ideal contained in that verse is one that I try to live by. I understand now that a sufferer may not have been exposed to many that believe that way but it does give me a reward to know that my words here may have fulfilled it.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes, they do @Al_Lurker , and yes it's not that common (I read an article similar to that in 'real life'. I wish you for you big rewards 'here' and 'after'! :) :hug:

I appreciate what you are saying, as well as @The Albatross .

 

[Tinyflame]

I've been trying to wrap my head around what I can't find the words for, and the only thing that comes to me is @The Albatross 's saying of 'trying to extend the same courtesy I would hope others would extend to me'. That's the paradox; sometimes it's extended to me, sometimes not (of course). I do try to extend that to others. It's not an immediate reaction. And if I feel like I myself have been at fault I try to take responsibility for that. But all interactions are 2-way, if the other person does not feel they have any part, to me they are either unaware, or feel it is their choice or justification. What I mean by it being ok is that is their right.

For example, if I'm told it's better I'm not here, there is not much to initiate a conversation. I can apologize for being burdensome, I can say I'll try harder, and state (and commit to trying to 'do') concrete reasons or things of how to change that. But in the end their choice or feelings are true to them, and I'm always left to apologize. Which, granted, I'm sure is applicable as well. But, what about the words said to me, or actions? Do not others have their own responsibilty? (And if it seems ok to them, who am I to disagree with what they choose and feel, or initiate a conversation as regards it? ) I hope that makes sense.