General Hating Ptsd More Than Ever Right Now!

[Steph_F]

I have not cried myself to sleep over him for a long time and I wish to God I was strong enough and thick-skinned enough that I didn't let his distancing get to me so much. But it has, and it really really hurts me. He tells me nothing is wrong and I want so bad to believe him, but his actions are the actions of someone on his way out of a relationship (or is it just PTSD???) I have never been involved with someone with PTSD and I knew its going to be rough, but my god I'm feeling ripped apart! I just want my sweetheart back! I hate being so weak...I feel so sad tonight.

 

[Redheaded Stranger]

Oh Steph...... I'm crying with and for you!! That is a horrible feeling and I wish you weren't going through this. Major love and hugs to you. I hope you got a good night's sleep and that things don't seem quite so bleak this morning. I get it, unfortunately, and you are not alone. We're here for you so cry and vent away and know that we're listening.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Red

 

[wife of]

that awful gut wrenching fear is creeping in them hunny? I get that fairly often and the only way to deal with it sometimes is to......not deal with it...go off and do some "Steph" orientated things,have a good one sided argument with ptsd as to why it wont win and vent vent vent,watch out for monthly hormone fluctuations,I find they make me feel very vulnerable and remember you are not alone.XX

 

[Steph_F]

Thank you both so much!

I slept ok, until 3:32am, when I woke up with a bedful of daughters! haha! my girls snuck in and my bed just isn't big enough for an adult, an 8yr old and a 9yr old! Haha! I didn't really get to sleep after that, so I am dragging today, so hopefully I will sleep good tonight!!

I am trying to focus on me right now, I invited a bunch of friends to go out next Thursday night and hit the town and am determined to get my ass on the treadmill tonight and dust off my hand weights!

I just wish I knew what to say when it comes to talking to my honey. I am trying to keep it light and easy and act like nothing is wrong and when he snaps at me, I try to back off without letting him walk all over me. I know that the things he says when he is angry he doesn't really mean, but they are still hard to hear. :( I wish I knew how to break that cycle when he says something hurtful, then feels bad and guilty and then gets even more angry at himself for being an ass so he continues to misdirect that anger at me. How do I best absorb/deflect those attacks?

 

[wife of]

Don't absorb it or deflect it,if he's being an ass then tell him he's being an ass,just do it in a calm manner and then leave the room so you don't get into a big row,tell him you understand he's not feeling great at the moment but don't let him take it out on you,remind him you are still there and not angry at you but you won't put up with being disrespected.Don't take anything off him that you wouldn't let your kids get away with...If he is acting childish then treat it the same way as you would when the kids are childish.....XX

 

[wife of]

And your not weak you are strong,we all have "lets hide in a corner and lick our wounds" wobbly days,you know that right?? your so good at picking others up on down days ,but like me I think sometimes it is hard to remember our own advice>>>go back and read some of the stuff you wrote to me and others....its all in there lovely....."physician....heal thyself!" as my granny used to say..X

 

[Redheaded Stranger]

Another suggestion for some "Steph" time. This may not be your thing, but now that the weather is improving, get outside. I had my first kayaking trip of the season tonight and it was AWESOME. Since my Veteran left, I go to work and then come home and hide. I've just had this oppressive weight on my head worrying about his situation and health and general well-being, and it was really good to get out of my own head tonight. It is hard for me to mope when I'm surrounded by trees and water and birds and fish, etc. Yes I've been on the treadmill every day but getting out in nature was just what I needed.

Just a thought.

 

[Steph_F]

Awww! Thank you both again so much!

Sue, we don't live together so it's even more frustrating being apart at times like this, but on the other hand maybe it's better (for him) because there is already physical space between us, which is what is going to be really hard for me when we do start living together. When I am sad, I need his hugs and loves, his smile makes my heart happier and everything gets alittle better and easier to bear. Naturally I would want to hold him in return when he is down. But when he can't return an "I love you" text, I doubt he'll accept my physical love either. I have to prepare myself for that somehow.

Red, that is awesome that you went kayaking, I mean how cool are you!?! My dad and brother throw their kayaks in when we canoe on the river at the cabin, looks like so much fun! I have been trying to be outside more and more, I help coach my girl's 2nd grade soccer team and I ran the practice today (we had a blast!) last weekend I took the girls to parks, the zoo and we even went on a long hike. This upcoming weekend we are hitting the beach! I think you are right, something about being outside in the fresh air and seeing others enjoying the beautiful weather as well is like nature's therapy for a broken or bruised heart and soul. Everything is growing, blossoming...time is moving on, and you are healing too! I'm so proud of you honey! :)

 

[Mockingbird13]

Steph,

I owe alot of my stress relief to my dog and my trusty pair of running shoes - It was a way to get out of the house and just have my own thoughts and to cool down at times or even to just cry - I love my dog - she never judged or whined even when I couldnt sleep and it was 2 am and I needed to get out of the house.

What was tough for me was when he moved out - and then when he would come to visit - I mean it looked like him, but it just wasnt him anymore. I wanted to run up and hug him, but knowing he would not hug back hurt too much. At first I tried - also sending I love you texts - but being greeted with nothing in return - after over a year of this I just had to stop. - Yes I know that he is a different person - and I was ready to accept that and work with him - but he didnt. It just seemed the more I tried the further away he went. - a Catch 22 for sure !

You cant hide the hurt - and soon the fake smiles you put on your face just dont work anymore. I began to not want to feel anything. - this is not how I want to live.

Im happier now and slowly regaining "Me" back - Dont get me wrong - I still support him, and am here when and if he ever wants to talk - but I could no longer stop my life and our daughters life - truly it was no way for us to live.

So Steph - vent away, we are here for you - and I do pray that things get better for you !