Relationship Have Been Online Friends With A Canadian Woman With Ptsd For 10 Years; I Am In The Usa

[Chris516]

I don't see how this has anything to do with PTSD. Honestly, you are so detached from her as to ignore her for nine months. I don't see you as a supporter if you're honestly wondering why she got mad when you disappeared for nine months.

I didn't un-install Yahoo Messenger, because of her. I un-installed it for reasons un-related to my friend. Also, I am not upset about her reaction. I am curious as to why she will cut me out of her life(which she has done several times; I could still e-mail her if I wanted to), then accuse me only days later, of ignoring her.

Instead of being critical of her(some people have gone so far, as to call her 'crazy), I want to understand/appreciate what causes her to cut me out, then accuse me of ignoring her.

 

[Echo]

@Chris516 - ah, you didn't mention that she had pushed you away first.

To be honest, I still think it is impossible for us to judge. We don't know your relationship, what went on between you in the past, or indeed what she has actually said recently in response to you suddenly appearing again. The reason I spoke about painting us all with brush is that you expect an explanation from strangers as if what has occurred is a standard symptom of PTSD. It isn't. It is down to an individual's make-up. I have recently heard from a number of people I've not seen or heard of for many years. I'm delighted. It wouldn't dawn on me to bawl them out.

The best thing you can do is actually ask her. Something along the lines of: did I upset you in some way? Just like you would with any other relationship.

The psychics bit was a joke.

 

[Echo]

Then there is the issue of perception. Are you absolutely sure that she saw it as cutting you out? It might well be that she did not, but you interpret it like that. Communication is going to be the only way of sorting this one out.

 

[Chris516]

@Chris516 - ah, you didn't mention that she had pushed you away first.

Yes, She has pushed me away several times saying she would never speak to me again, and was pretty absolute about it, at the time. Each time, it has only lasted a couple days.

I am not trying to 'paint with a broad brush'. If anything, I am looking for a broad range of potential thoughts.as to why she does that.

 

[bell]

I am not trying to learn about PTSD.

Um, then why are you here? (I'm asking because you're here and yet you don't want to learn. Or listen, apparently.)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Uhm yes, you left out 99% of the "story" in your original post that would have allowed us a glimpse into how this is PTSD related.

But, I stand by what I said. It doesn't matter WHY you stopped talking to her (ie why you uninstalled messenger), only that you did it. Honestly I think you're lucky that she's willing to talk to you at all. You walked away from a friendship without saying a word and yet you wonder why she threw a fit when you reconnected 9 months later. She may have PTSD issues, but this isn't one of them. She is human. She missed you. If she didn't let you know that your behavior was not ok, and swept it under the rug, then you would be more likely to do it again. I think this is a basics of friendship issue, not PTSD. As for the other stuff, I can't say.

I am also confused as to why you are here as you don't want to learn about PTSD?

 

[Chris516]

Um, then why are you here? (I'm asking because you're here and yet you don't want to learn. Or listen, apparently.)

Why are you here? You are accusing me of not listening. When I am trying to gain a better understanding of why she does this. I want to understand, not blindly label.

 

[Chris516]

I am also confused as to why you are here as you don't want to learn about PTSD?

I came here for better potential understanding. Even to hear possibilities I had not even thought of. Because, If it were simply a friendship issue, she wouldn't have cut me out of her life, twice in two weeks, and accused me of ignoring her, days within cutting me out of her life. Friends' don't flip-flop like that repeatedly. Yes, It has been suggested elsewhere, that she could be bi-polar. But, My ex was diagnosed as Bi-Polar II in 1999, and my friend doesn't behave like my ex in the least.

Now, As to her 'thinking' my behavior was not okay. If she missed me, and it is not a PTSD issue as you say. Then why the yo-yo from cutting me out her life repeatedly, to repeatedly accusing me of ignoring her.

When someone misses another person, they don't go back n' forth, like what she has been saying to me.

Maybe she can't make up her mind how she feels about me. But instead of my getting stuck on being irritated by her behavior. I want to understand why does it. Not to criticize it, but to appreciate the reason/cause, why she does it in the first place.

 

[Barconian]

Your friend is cutting you out of her life because something in your behaviour upsets her (she gets scared). If she has PTSD... Then after 10 years you would know what frightens her (triggers) and what caused the trauma and you should be able to work within her needs. But obviously, you don't, and coming on here asking us about how to understand her is not PTSD related, it is in my opinion only that you need to learn about human behaviour and leave the PTSD to those who do understand it :)

 

[Chris516]

Your friend is cutting you out of her life because something in your behaviour upsets her (she gets scared).

I would accept that, if she had continued to not speak to me, and even if she had then said that she was willing to speak to me, but on a limited basis.

I was not asking anyone to understand her PTSD in specific. But in a general sense as to PTSD behavior. While PTSD behavior can manifest itself in many ways. I was being generic, as to general PTSD reactions across the PTSD spectrum.

 

[Echo]

Hi Chris516, it really does depend on what her trauma/s was/were. Please note we are not psychologists, we are sufferers and supporters, all caught up in our own particular manifestation of PTSD.

Speaking now only for myself, some of the things I don't appreciate in relationships include people not being consistent in their communication; people withholding affection and withdrawing with no explanation, leaving me to wonder what on earth, and then skipping back wanting something from me, when they have not been there for me in my difficulties; and people who refuse to communicate directly with me but instead seek out generalities with which to understand me. Just speak to me, ask me what I need, and either be in my life or leave me alone. I guess that it is in a nutshell for me. I have no idea whether this applies also to this woman. Neither do I have any idea whether this aspect of my way of dealing with relationships has anything to do with the recent CPTSD; it seems to me it's always been there.

Old friends turning up when our lives have gone in different directions is a different matter. They and I generally want to catch up and may very well have a more superficial relationship. And the relationship then proceeds in whatever way is appropriate for us both.

If you are hoping to discover that this woman has been harbouring romantic feelings for you, and that is why she is 'jealous' as you read it, none of us can comment. I suggest you deal with her directly.

 

[bell]

It also sounds like you want us to tell you that yes, she is in love with you and wants to be with you. Just reading what you wrote and what I hear. I'm sorry, but it sounds like someone who has PTSD and then is confused and upset because you pulled the rug out from under her and didn't talk to her for 9 months. Also... why not just pick up the phone and call her?!

And you're speaking out of both sides of your mouth. Either you want to learn or you don't. If you want to learn, listen to what we're saying here, repeatedly. If you don't want to learn, either ask her how she's feeling or uninstall messenger for good and leave her be.