It sounds like having open, really good communication with your doctor is critical so that between the two of you you can work out a plan that you are comfortable with. My symptoms are not that different from yours, except I don't have depression. My main symptoms are dissociation and anxiety (with the yo-yo ing of moods you describe and sometimes recurrent self-harming thoughts).
For me dissociation is a form of numbing, so if medication helps with that I feel more like myself. Dissociation also totally wipes me out and I end up spending a lot of time in bed to recover. So if medication helps alleviate that i am more functional, more in touch with myself, and my sleep in regular, I get more done and feel like a happier productive person.
I currently don't take any drug daily, I take alprazolam as needed for anxiety/dissociation, and I have a lot of other strategies (regular bedtimes, no caffeine, lots of regularly scheduled exercise, yoga, making sure I have enough alone time, and time with people, planning ahead and divide tasks into small chunks, having a circle of support people I can call in a crisis, living in a small supportive community). Sometimes I need the drug so that I can allow myself to put other strategies in place - that then mean I don't need as much medication.
Drugs affect everyone differently (or even the same person differently at different time, I find) and may also have improved since you took them last. If you can have a really open, and ongoing chat and evaluation with your doctor about your concerns and what works for you that should help. It's your treatment and your life and you need to feel comfortable with it. You are not better or worse as a person for taking or not taking drugs, you are the only one in your skin and only you know what works for you.