He Blamed Our Engagement Ending On My Ptsd

[Hydrotroop91]

Hi so I am new here and trying to figure this site out. Some back ground. I was recently diagnosed in March so I am still learning about all of this. I am in a CPT right now, I serve in the air national guard, and attend college. When I was struggling in school no matter how much I tried is when it was discovered I've been dealing with the symptoms for a few years now.

I wanted to post because I feel extremely frustrated right now with my current situation. I used to be in a relationship with what I thought to be a great guy at the time. I had told him from day one all of my problems and he didn't care he still continued to move along with the relationship. We were engaged this past November and and then I was diagnosed in March. All of a sudden in July is when things seemed to go completely south. He was venting to everyone from me because he thought I was too fragile and didn't want to turn me away when I needed the support from him. Then he stopped giving any and all affection towards me. At this point I had been through 3 sessions of CPT and many supportive counseling sessions. I noticed I was straining on him and pulled back a lot but he had already given up on me. Everyone noticed great results and he saw it a little but was completely done. I had to hear it from his brother that he wanted to be done with me and was hoping I would get miserable enough and leave.

He started putting pics on his computer that he knew hurt me with my PTSD and brought up the past. Then he and his brother made fun of me behind my back. So I left and have been struggling on my own to make things work(bills.. etc.). He has turned into a complete jerk and saying mean things even though I am gone. I have changed my number but still am afraid to see him where we both frequent. On the up side I am glad we did not get married now that I see his true character. We were supposed to be married 8/30/14.

My sleep has not been good and I am exhausted all of the time. I am also afraid to struggle in school because no matter how hard I am trying I can not focus to save my life. Nothing makes sense. The homework is hard to do and I know it shouldn't be that bad. Even other things that involve any sort of thinking have been draining. And I can't focus on the task. I feel like I am in a fog and even though I attend class I feel like I am not even there. How do I move forward? All I want to do is play games, netflix, and curl up with my cat. It also scares me because I am afraid that this PTSD is too much for anyone in my life to handle. So how do I not make my friends and future husband not feel worn down by it? How do you guys handle these situations? And how do I not put the next guy through hell for this guy's mistakes, the event, and other people? I have major trust issues and take forever to let folks into my life.

Should I put my CPT on hold and go back to supportive therapy for a bit since the work in there is just as hard for me to focus on as well? That way the hard thinking is left to my engineering classes.

Your comments will really be appreciated. I have an exam tomorrow and have no idea what to do. I tried studying but keep going in circles.

 

[Hydrotroop91]

Oh yeah I forgot he told everyone that he wishes I would have just grown a pair of balls and just kicked this thing in the balls. He wished I would just get over and didn't understand it at all.

 

[nursenurse]

He is an idiot. Good bye to bad rubbish, you may not want to hear tha as you were engaged. This guy was engaged externally only, and not internally, but did the cowardly thing. Instead of saying "My feelings have changed", he put they onus on you. You are seeking help. You are getting better. Why does he not see that? Because he doesn't want to. He was not as invested in your relationship as you thought he was.

Not all guys are like him, thankfully. For now, work on yourself however you see fit, finish school, become the person you are meant to be in spite of PTSD. The right guy will move forward with you, as long as you are fair and communicate well. The others, like your ex fiancé, will run. Let them. No one is worth sacrificing your healing and self worth over.

You have a right to grieve, to curl up with your cost, to be unfocused for a bit. There is no one out there, PTSD or not who doesn't feel that way at the end of a relationship. The trick is to not let it consume you, and to remember it was him and not you. Keep yourself busy with school. Even if you don't feel like your studying is sinking in, you never know which bits of info will stick and help you out with exams. It will get easier, in time. Good luck.

 

[Hydrotroop91]

Thanks I do appreciate it! I know it was him it is just hard and I can't afford to fall behind in school and want this funk gone.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Are you registered with disability services at your school? If not, register.

 

[Hydrotroop91]

I am but only for extended test time and less distraction room for tests that is all they gave me.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Your doctor wouldn't approve anything else? That seems a bit odd to me.

 

[joeylittle]

Not necessarily odd. Some schools are more supportive than others.

@Hydrotroop81, sometimes the trauma work does take tons of energy - and you're dealing with school, a pretty ugly ex-fiancé, plus PTSD. That's a lot.

Have you looked into taking a medical leave from school? If the accommodations aren't sufficient for you, that's usually the next option. A medical leave is generally designed to not jeopardize your aid, existing credits, or anything.

As for that guy, it's about him, not you. Please don't worry that his behavior is going to be everyone's behavior for the rest of your life. PTSD is a long road, but you're walking it, and it gets better.

 

[maryiscontrary]

Run! This is a character disturbed person who cannot process empathy. Here you are, busting your chomps, totally upfront, so he could make informed choices, and he turns on you like a pit viper. Get the hell away from this epic jerk. A real man respects you working on yourself, and if he can't handle it (which is fair thing) then he needs to compassionately inform you of that. This guy sounds like a real tool. Run, honey!

 

[Hydrotroop91]

Thanks to you all! I'd love to take medical leave but I'm about to leave the military and need to be in to get my tuition assistance from the reserves. I may ask the school for a tutor for classes with foreign teachers because that has been super hard.

He is a viper. Was forced to change my number to get away.

Next question how do you handle when people ask about the wedding/relationship? I didn't put a big thing on facebook because I don't want the drama/attention but I hate getting asked randomly or people bringing him up on mistake. It is too much atm.