He Freaked Out.. Again

[Jax22]

My boyfriend is a former Marine, he got out of the military 6 years ago. It has been a hard 6 years. He broke his back and lost several brothers while over seas. Though I didnt know him before he was in the military.. I know him (and love him) now, and I realize alot has changed. In the last year things have gotten better.. fewer nightmares, wayyy less drinking and he completely stopped the pain meds. He was doing sooo well. I was very proud, and we were so happy.​

​

We are still happy. but 2 nights ago.. he decided he wanted to go out and get drunk. And the truth is... having sex is painful for him if he is not drunk, so I was totally for going out with him. I decided not to drink and just be his DD. THANK GOD!​

​

Well he drank, (he claims he wasnt drunk) but as being the sober one I know he was majorly buzzed if not drunk.​

​

He thought he saw someone with a turbin on their head. ( he said a towel) and completely went "out". in a trace. HE wasnt there anymore. He was shaking his head and wringing his hands when I realized something was wrong. I asked. And he said leave me alone, just leave me alone.​

​

Finally after about 15 minutes I knew that things were about to get worse. He started yelling about hadjis (SP?) saying he was going to kill them all, screaming about killing everyone. ( I HAVE TO REMIND YOU HE WAS NOT THERE ANYMORE) nothing he said made since.​

​

We were at a bar where everyone knows him, I finally couldnt "control" him anymore and asked one of the security guys who is our friend to help me get him outside.. and explained that he is "freaking" out. The friend convinced him to calm down and go outside.​

​

Once outside he went to the corner of the parking lot and started screaming about killing everyone, and that he was going to wait for the guy in the "towel". I told him that it was going to be okay and I just sat on the curb for about 45 minutes without saying a word and let him do what he was going to do. He stood there the whole time, staring at the door and speaking about hadjis and killing them. Finally I got up and begged him to come home. He told me that he couldnt go home, he didnt want to hurt me. HE HAS NEVER SAID THAT BEFORE.​

​

I took it as a sign that I was NOT helping the situation. I asked what I could do, he said get the hadjis. I went inside and looked EVERYWHERE for a person in a turbin. There was none, i asked around to see if any of the other guys saw somoene.. they all said no. ( NOT to bring the guy outside, but to make sure that he doesnt get seen by my boyfriend)​

​

I told my boyfriend "J" that he was gone. He said he wants to wait and started mumbling stuff. he said he doesnt want to hurt me.​

​

This was about 2 hours into him freaking out, his friend came and said he will wait for him, for me to go home. after about an hour, I agreed. I checked his phone for battery, and his friend took his knife.​

​

About 3 hours after I left. His friend texted me to say they are on their way back that J is coming to.​

​

He came into our apartment and didnt say anything for about 20 minutes. Finally he laid next to me and said that he was so sorry, and has no idea what happened. That his friend told him that he freaked out and was yelling at me.​

​

I told him the whole story, he was embarrased and very apologetic.​

​

I love the guy with everything I have, and I will not let this diease come inbetween us NO MATTER what, he has tried to leave me saying that he is better off alone. Im here for life, and I will fight for him.​

​

BUT.. I dont know what to do. He is a marine. He says therapy doesnt help he tried when he got out. I NEED HELP! I need to know what I should do.​

​

**** I DO NOT WANT ANYONE TELLING ME TO LEAVE HIM, or SAYING WHAT IS WRONG... I can see what is wrong, I need help, inspiration, what are you doing? What could he do? Is there hope for this to get better? ***​

​

THANK YOU​

 

[wife of]

Wow,I'm crying,not for you,but for me.

I get you 100% but I'm not sure what words of advice I can give you that will keep you strong rather than spin you out futher. Read some of my stuff and you will see why.

He needs therapy and meds to support him while the therapy does its job. Meds are not a stand alone option.

I applaud you decision to stick by him,just be aware its a tough long road to travel.

My path has been strewn with broken glass this year and I dont have any boots!

I'm not going to say anything else right now but hopefully someone else will pop on and give you some guidence, I'll speak with you soon though when I'm feeling more positive.

Feel free to follow..

Sue.

 

[Jax22]

it is very tough. and i know that i havent been dealing with it nearly as long as some of you ladies... but its still hard.
It is good that there are other people out there going through something similar... though i wish that no one had to see there loved on in that state of mind.. but its good to not be alone.

Thanks for your time,

i will defintely go read some of your stuff now.

thanks again.

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

My heart goes out to you both (Jax22 & wife of). The last six months have been horrid since our dog was shot by a neighbor. My s.o., and I both have PTSD, which does not help the situation but it helps to understand the emotional numbness we go through. But, nevertheless...it is still painful and often lonely. Sex is intimate and it can be difficult to surrender emotionally. And, too often, people give up on their relationships. I too, applaud you to stick through this with him because it proves you believe in your vows to love one another in 'sickness and health.' This is what you must drum into him... think about the Marine's Motto; Semper Fi: Always faithful; Always loyal; like you. Let him know you believe in this and losing a few battles is better than losing the war.

 

[The Godfather]

Get him to a vet center asap. Not the va. Trust is a big factor in getting help for people. He needs a vet that understands it fully. Don't quit on him . My wife did and she left me in shambles. Goto to a Vietnam group , the vfw somewhere. Have him call me 508 282 0679. Semper Fi

 

[ces__]

(A year later...) Im really sorry to hear that this has happened... As my boyfriend is a marine, I know that the whole towel-turban thing can throw someone with PTSD off. He imagined a terrible happening totally sober in the middle of the night once.

There's nothing we as girlfriends can do about it, only be there for them.

There is hope. :)

 

[Olsoya]

I just found this site today. My boyfriend is a former Marine as well. He has not been diagnosed with PTSD but has just about every symptom. I am trying so hard to get home help but he is just so deep in denial. I feel helpless anymore and don't know what to do. But I love him and will not leave him to carry this alone. Today was the worst day yet. He called me a c*nt and told me to f*ck off and stormed out of our counseling session. I have not heard from since.

 

[tac1212]

My heart hurts reading these posts. I realize they are older posts but still hits home. I'm in a new relationship and we have already had a few nights that ended lets say in an unpredictable way. He is fully aware of these episodes and we talk about them - when he is ready. But it still rocks you. I think its seeing the other side of him and those times together that keep me going. I am quickly learning that there is nothing you can do for him. He has to deal with things his own way and deal with the consequences of those actions, if any. The hard part is not being able to tell them how it affects you because that causes them stress. When they say "leave me alone" they expect that you can just walk away and forget about it - not likely. That is what I am struggling with - what do you do with those feelings?

 

[Olsoya]

I would love to know the answer to that as well. Mine is telling me he is done. It broke my heart but I had to tell him that of he doesn't get help he cannot come near our child. I hate it but I will not allow him to behave out of anger and be in her presence. Her safety is first. But even in knowing I am doing what is best I am crushed by all this. This is going to sound crazy but the other night I almost went to the hospital because I thought I was about to have a massive heart failure or something. My body is so out of whack. I have never experienced anything like it. I had trouble breathing one night like I was in a panic. I have had other issues as well in the feminine region. I don't know that this is ok or not but maybe someone has had something similar happen. It's like suddenly an extreme menstral cycle. I am healthy and fit. I never have things like this happen. But I am a mess.