Or am I just a bad person? I go to dinner with my boyfriend and his friends. One of his friends likes to pick on me, but it was always verbal. That night he flicked my hair. I got angry but didn't show it because I wanted to have a good night. Then he sneaks up and touches my shoulder from behind. I freak out and ask what the f*ck is wrong with him. He said I was gonna spill my drink but I didn't turn back around, I stayed facing him and even decided to awkwardly stand. I was soiled up for the rest of the night.
My boyfriends friends grew up with healthy social development. I did not so I am socially awkward. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells all the time at socializing events because at any time, everyone is going to strike or get mad at me and yell and throw me out or rush me away. So I come off as a little weird.
We got in the car to drive home, my bf asked what was wrong. I told him nothing. He kept pushing so I asked him "why should I tell you when you don't understand?" Like he didn't understand the last time I got triggered from a drunk guy in my face. He said I was rude in that instance. So why should I tell him what is bothering me? Well I tell him about the hair flicking and touching. I don't like touching. I DONT LIKE TO BE TOUCHED AND I'VE SAID IT SO MANY TIMES I DONT SEE HOW PEOPLE WHO KNOW ME DO NOT KNOW THIS. Or maybe im just talking out my ass. Yeah I'm just talking out my ass when I have an extensive mental health record with a diagnosis of PTSD and comorbid depression. I'm just talking out my ass when I have to take a cocktail of deugs everynight just to function in society. Im just talking out my ass! Thats all im doing its just a label to look cool even tho i tell not a soul who doesnt need to know. Then he's like, "well why are you mad at me then" I wasn't mad at him, I was just mad but then he soils up and the ride home was in silence and he is now giving me the cold shoulder. When he calms down I am going to ask him why he was upset and if he says because he felt I was taking it out on him, then we'll be fine, but if he says "my friends are nothing but nice to you" that may be a sign that this relationship is not working out.
Or maybe I'm just a shitty person to be around. His friend was talking about why was there such an uptick in suicides in first responders, but first responders shouldn't get diagnosed or have any documented mental health treatment because then they can't buy a gun and it will follow for the rest of their lives. In my head, I just wanted to tell him that maybe because there are people like him in this world who judge and discourage people from getting mental health treatment. But I'm the asshole.
My boyfriends friends grew up with healthy social development. I did not so I am socially awkward. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells all the time at socializing events because at any time, everyone is going to strike or get mad at me and yell and throw me out or rush me away. So I come off as a little weird.
We got in the car to drive home, my bf asked what was wrong. I told him nothing. He kept pushing so I asked him "why should I tell you when you don't understand?" Like he didn't understand the last time I got triggered from a drunk guy in my face. He said I was rude in that instance. So why should I tell him what is bothering me? Well I tell him about the hair flicking and touching. I don't like touching. I DONT LIKE TO BE TOUCHED AND I'VE SAID IT SO MANY TIMES I DONT SEE HOW PEOPLE WHO KNOW ME DO NOT KNOW THIS. Or maybe im just talking out my ass. Yeah I'm just talking out my ass when I have an extensive mental health record with a diagnosis of PTSD and comorbid depression. I'm just talking out my ass when I have to take a cocktail of deugs everynight just to function in society. Im just talking out my ass! Thats all im doing its just a label to look cool even tho i tell not a soul who doesnt need to know. Then he's like, "well why are you mad at me then" I wasn't mad at him, I was just mad but then he soils up and the ride home was in silence and he is now giving me the cold shoulder. When he calms down I am going to ask him why he was upset and if he says because he felt I was taking it out on him, then we'll be fine, but if he says "my friends are nothing but nice to you" that may be a sign that this relationship is not working out.
Or maybe I'm just a shitty person to be around. His friend was talking about why was there such an uptick in suicides in first responders, but first responders shouldn't get diagnosed or have any documented mental health treatment because then they can't buy a gun and it will follow for the rest of their lives. In my head, I just wanted to tell him that maybe because there are people like him in this world who judge and discourage people from getting mental health treatment. But I'm the asshole.