MissPlumDrop
New Here
My current boyfriend and I had grown up together from the time he was 12 and I was 10. We were always like brother and sister, and friends always. Eventually, we had an intimate encounter when he was 18 and I was 16- one time only. Then he left a few months later and I never heard a word from him for 30 years until a year ago this past February when he found me again on MYspace.
What this reconnection did was completely shatter me and caused me to start remembering a past that I had forgotten through coping mechanisms, and 20 years of extremely abusive relationships with the next two men I became involved in. Because of my traumatic childhood, I believe I attracted these abusers because of my conditioning. When my boyfriend found me again and I was able to make the distinction between loving relationships and abusive ones, I had a psychotic break due to the conflicting paradigms and not long after began having headaches along with throwing up green stuff that were so painfully crippling, I could not even recall my name or what year it was.
I think that what had happened was that I was releasing a whole lot of toxic emotions that had been poisoning me for my entire life. These headaches lasted about 2 months with several visits to the ER, my General Practitioner and a Neurologist. Diagnoses were migraine, cluster and good old sinus infection- though all tests came back normal. Since that time, I have only had regular tension headaches and they are pretty manageable with Ibuprofen. I also believe that this reconnecting was what caused me to manifest full blown PTSD. From childhood I had used unhealthy coping mechanisms and had never dealt with, or believed that I came from such violent circumstances. The headaches came from the knots of twisted thinking becoming untwisted and resulted in a lot of pain. Also, one of the things that my mother and other mothers did in the day was to hit their kids hard in the head to get attention. I remember one time my mother hitting me so hard upside the head I thought she'd knocked my brain out through my ears.
What this reconnection did was completely shatter me and caused me to start remembering a past that I had forgotten through coping mechanisms, and 20 years of extremely abusive relationships with the next two men I became involved in. Because of my traumatic childhood, I believe I attracted these abusers because of my conditioning. When my boyfriend found me again and I was able to make the distinction between loving relationships and abusive ones, I had a psychotic break due to the conflicting paradigms and not long after began having headaches along with throwing up green stuff that were so painfully crippling, I could not even recall my name or what year it was.
I think that what had happened was that I was releasing a whole lot of toxic emotions that had been poisoning me for my entire life. These headaches lasted about 2 months with several visits to the ER, my General Practitioner and a Neurologist. Diagnoses were migraine, cluster and good old sinus infection- though all tests came back normal. Since that time, I have only had regular tension headaches and they are pretty manageable with Ibuprofen. I also believe that this reconnecting was what caused me to manifest full blown PTSD. From childhood I had used unhealthy coping mechanisms and had never dealt with, or believed that I came from such violent circumstances. The headaches came from the knots of twisted thinking becoming untwisted and resulted in a lot of pain. Also, one of the things that my mother and other mothers did in the day was to hit their kids hard in the head to get attention. I remember one time my mother hitting me so hard upside the head I thought she'd knocked my brain out through my ears.
