I posted this on my own thread then thought it might make for an interesting discussion
"The fascinating thing I'm realsing is how the uncovering of the traumatic memories and their processing is only the first step, only part of making you feel better. The grief and anger and frustration and hurt and stuck abilities to move your life on, the struggle in the present to try and put all of it together... that is equally as hard, equally as painful, more in some ways. I used to think if we just kept on doing EMDR then eventually all the horrid memories would go and I'd be ok. Now I know that although there is some truth in that, you can't escape the heartbreaking realisation of your losses, your difficulties, of all the hurt and unfairness and shit you endured, nor the dreaded realisation of how much it has affected your ability to function. I'm also struggling with embarassment at how I must have appeared to others over the years, and how I've unwittingly contributed to my own pain and distress by creating my own brand of chaos.
A large chunk of my daily pain and inner, deepest, fears and hurts were never touched until this "grieivng" phase got real, where I decided to really bottom all of that desperate sludgy inner stuff... and that is so muchabout trapped pain and sadness. Some of those awful fears and anxiety attacks and bodily symptoms and dissociation did not cover over more trauma - just years and years of heartbreak and grief that felt too desperate to ever endure. Doesn't feel like heartbreak and grief. It feels to be of despair, desperate fear, panic, yearning, thrashing around trying to find safety, aloneness and rage like I have never experienced. At times I feel to be coming unstuck and everything feels hopeless.
I wish I'd understood this a bit more clearly. It's hard to understand and make sense of where you're at and what to expect in each "phase". A bit like people who are bereaved have absolutely no idea what is happening to them or what to expect.
There has to be a better way all of this stuff can be represnted so hurt souls have better sign posts to the healing process, other than blind faith and hope. "
"The fascinating thing I'm realsing is how the uncovering of the traumatic memories and their processing is only the first step, only part of making you feel better. The grief and anger and frustration and hurt and stuck abilities to move your life on, the struggle in the present to try and put all of it together... that is equally as hard, equally as painful, more in some ways. I used to think if we just kept on doing EMDR then eventually all the horrid memories would go and I'd be ok. Now I know that although there is some truth in that, you can't escape the heartbreaking realisation of your losses, your difficulties, of all the hurt and unfairness and shit you endured, nor the dreaded realisation of how much it has affected your ability to function. I'm also struggling with embarassment at how I must have appeared to others over the years, and how I've unwittingly contributed to my own pain and distress by creating my own brand of chaos.
A large chunk of my daily pain and inner, deepest, fears and hurts were never touched until this "grieivng" phase got real, where I decided to really bottom all of that desperate sludgy inner stuff... and that is so muchabout trapped pain and sadness. Some of those awful fears and anxiety attacks and bodily symptoms and dissociation did not cover over more trauma - just years and years of heartbreak and grief that felt too desperate to ever endure. Doesn't feel like heartbreak and grief. It feels to be of despair, desperate fear, panic, yearning, thrashing around trying to find safety, aloneness and rage like I have never experienced. At times I feel to be coming unstuck and everything feels hopeless.
I wish I'd understood this a bit more clearly. It's hard to understand and make sense of where you're at and what to expect in each "phase". A bit like people who are bereaved have absolutely no idea what is happening to them or what to expect.
There has to be a better way all of this stuff can be represnted so hurt souls have better sign posts to the healing process, other than blind faith and hope. "
