AllSheWouldntSay
New Here
I've been with my bf for 6 months. The first time we hung out, I knew that he was the one I want to spend my life with. He's the first person I've ever felt safe with immediately.
Because of extenuating circumstances; I've been living with him for a few months.
He says he's over his ex (all signs point to her using him and cheating on him, but he doesn't agree. Feels like denial. ) but she still has shit at his house. She's remarried with two kids - neither are my boyfriends. the first one they were still living together but not sleeping together.
Aside from that - they have financial ties, and I don't even wanna get into that.
Anyway, his actions show me he cares about me. He's not much of a communicator. I'm learning to look at what he does in place of what I want him to say.
What I don't understand is why he won't give me a key. I get mail there, the cable and internet are in my name. We live together and his ex knows. I wanna tell her to get her shit and stop securing the relationship with my bf. She still asks him to do dumb shit for her, again (in my opinion) it's all control.
He will bring me snacks and do random things to show he thinks of me. I don't as for those things BUT HE WONT MAKE ME A KEY! And I've expressed how much it hurts me that he won't. I don't know what the resistance is.
I need help to not take it personally. I wanna say that I need a key and room for my stuff (he's told me to move it from storage, but I don't feel like the house is big enough for my stuff, his, and his ex wife's ) or I'm moving out. But I have no idea where I'd go. And I'm building a life there (it's 2 hours from my 'home' area)
A lot of symptoms have been happening. Some have nothing to do with him, and I'm finally getting treatment. But the resistance from him makes me question his availability in our relationship. He doesn't get that.
Also I worry that he's going to die. He's over weight, smokes a lot, works too much, and never took days off before we started dating. I know part of that is bc my mom died unexpectedly at 50. My bfs dad died unexpectedly also, but before we met. I've known his family for close to 20 years.
Before I moved in- the house was full of trash. I was getting sinus infections because he hadn't vacuumed or dusted in years, he has a cat & there was cat vomit throughout the house, rat shit in the kitchen cabinets. All signs pointed to him being depressed; he didn't agree. I've cleaned for my own health and it saddened me to see him live that way.
It got to the point where I don't ask him to clean, I do it. But I have asked him (lovingly, as uncomfortable as it was) to shower because his hygiene was bothering me and causing me to have infections.
He finally said he would come to therapy with me (because I framed it as "so you can understand what's going on with me & you won't take it personally") .
I just need support & suggestions on how to show him what I see. I'm scared that I'll have to let him go to focus on myself. He's the only emotional & social support I have. He's the only one I feel safe with. I'm house sitting tonight and it pains me to be away from him. And it's only been like 12 hours.
I guess that's it for now...
Because of extenuating circumstances; I've been living with him for a few months.
He says he's over his ex (all signs point to her using him and cheating on him, but he doesn't agree. Feels like denial. ) but she still has shit at his house. She's remarried with two kids - neither are my boyfriends. the first one they were still living together but not sleeping together.
Aside from that - they have financial ties, and I don't even wanna get into that.
Anyway, his actions show me he cares about me. He's not much of a communicator. I'm learning to look at what he does in place of what I want him to say.
What I don't understand is why he won't give me a key. I get mail there, the cable and internet are in my name. We live together and his ex knows. I wanna tell her to get her shit and stop securing the relationship with my bf. She still asks him to do dumb shit for her, again (in my opinion) it's all control.
He will bring me snacks and do random things to show he thinks of me. I don't as for those things BUT HE WONT MAKE ME A KEY! And I've expressed how much it hurts me that he won't. I don't know what the resistance is.
I need help to not take it personally. I wanna say that I need a key and room for my stuff (he's told me to move it from storage, but I don't feel like the house is big enough for my stuff, his, and his ex wife's ) or I'm moving out. But I have no idea where I'd go. And I'm building a life there (it's 2 hours from my 'home' area)
A lot of symptoms have been happening. Some have nothing to do with him, and I'm finally getting treatment. But the resistance from him makes me question his availability in our relationship. He doesn't get that.
Also I worry that he's going to die. He's over weight, smokes a lot, works too much, and never took days off before we started dating. I know part of that is bc my mom died unexpectedly at 50. My bfs dad died unexpectedly also, but before we met. I've known his family for close to 20 years.
Before I moved in- the house was full of trash. I was getting sinus infections because he hadn't vacuumed or dusted in years, he has a cat & there was cat vomit throughout the house, rat shit in the kitchen cabinets. All signs pointed to him being depressed; he didn't agree. I've cleaned for my own health and it saddened me to see him live that way.
It got to the point where I don't ask him to clean, I do it. But I have asked him (lovingly, as uncomfortable as it was) to shower because his hygiene was bothering me and causing me to have infections.
He finally said he would come to therapy with me (because I framed it as "so you can understand what's going on with me & you won't take it personally") .
I just need support & suggestions on how to show him what I see. I'm scared that I'll have to let him go to focus on myself. He's the only emotional & social support I have. He's the only one I feel safe with. I'm house sitting tonight and it pains me to be away from him. And it's only been like 12 hours.
I guess that's it for now...
